OK I need to start off by saying me and my mother have never really been close. She has always favoured my younger sister very obviously.
I also need to say we did book our wedding at rather short notice. This is the reason my mum doesn't think she has done anything wrong. I asked her if there were any dates she couldn't do, didn't get an answer, tried ringing her for 2 days and no answer so I just booked it. After it was booked and invitations printed and such, she comes back to me that she had arranged a weekend away with friends to Skegness.
She says that once I found out she had plans, despite invitations already having been done and such...deposits paid..etc, that if I wanted her there I would have changed the date.
She asked me how I would feel if she wasn't there and I told her it would upset me but ultimately the choice was down to her as I can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. She thought about it for a couple of weeks and then told me she was going for the weekend away. My dad had offered to drive her to Skegness after the wedding, meaning she only missed out on the Friday night and would still have Saturday and Sunday with the girls from work...this was apparently not acceptable. She then decided that it would be easier for everyone if she didn't go as my dad could just bring my sis, her partner and my niece..my sister at this point pretty much told her to not use her as an excuse and that she would make her own way there and back.
My mum has had a few arguments with my (now) hubby in the past but generally they have a good relationship so its not even as if she didn't go because she didn't like him or anything.
Also it wasn't a church wedding as neither of us are religious..just a short ceremony and a few drinks and food afterwards...not a really big deal or anything.
When she told me she had decided not to come afterall I didn't really say anything..honestly I was a bit shellshocked as this came after a long convo where she told me all of her friends were telling her she would regret it and that she should come and then meet them later so obviously I was expecting her to have done that. I guess this is my fault too as I could have at that point started crying or something but thats not me.
On the day, I was seriously upset but I didn't let on to anyone about it. Noone (besides hubby) knows how much this has actually affected me.
Am I wrong to be so upset (and a bit angry to be honest) that my mother chose a weekend away over seeing her daughter get married? I kinda feel I have no right to be upset as its my fault as I didn't make a massive fuss about it..I just accepted that she wanted to go with her mates and that missing one night of drinking was more important to her.
We got married 2 months ago now and its still all pretty raw to me. I just can't imagine missing such a big day for my kids for the sake of a night of drinking. But maybe I'm not seeing it all clearly and I was being unreasonable to not cancel the wedding and change dates to fit round her?
AIBU?
To still be upset that my mother didn't come to my wedding?
Vickyyyy · 24/05/2016 00:28
It's very sad 
It's like she wanted you to say 'you MUST be there, I'll change the date for you no matter how much trouble it is' and you wanted her to say 'I MUST be there, I'll change all my other arrangements for you no matter how much trouble it is'. Instead you said 'I do want you there but it's up to you and it's not a big deal anyway' and she said 'I do want to be there but I have plans and it doesn't seem like you are making much of it anyway'. Does this fit with how you normally are with each other?
TBH I do blame her more - she is your mother, she should absolutely have made it a priority to be at your wedding. And therefore it doesn't surprise me that you arranged it without confirming the date with her, and were scared to put yourself out there and say that you wouldn't fix the date without her, or that you really, really wanted her to be there - because what if you had said that and she'd still put other people ahead of you? How painful would that have been? The trouble is, even though you didn't say it, you're still having the pain.
I would think about some counselling tbh, maybe decide how you want to be with her in the future.
Oh OP, your post makes me feel so sad for you 
Of course you're not BU, it's absolutely ridiculous that your mother chose not to come to your big day. Doesn't matter if she had to cancel her holiday with friends, it was special circumstances - you are her daughter and she should have put you first. YADNBU
YANBU we had the same for our wedding except it was my Mil and Fil that didn't come to our wedding,it was shorter notice than a wedding usually is,but with good reason I'd become seriouslly ill and disabled so we couldn't book anything to far ahead incase I was to ill or rushed into hospital again.
My DH's Mum and StepDad had booked time off work and were going on holiday to see some friends,it wasn't abroad and honestly they could have shifted things around by a day and came to our wedding.
But DH's Mum isn't really at ease with people she doesn't know(which would have been alot of my family)and an Auntie and Uncle of my DH's were coming to the wedding(from my DH's Dad's side of the family)and I think she was worried his Dad and new wife would be there and the spilt between his Mum and Dad wasn't good to say the least.
I was sad at the time,but not so much now,my DH was sad at the time but I didn't know that and he didn't show it.But our relationship is still good,we see each other once a year(it would be more but it can take over 5hrs to drive to where they are) and they're always happy to see us and were always happy to see them.
They love our 5DC,my DH and me and we all love them both and that's all that really matters now.
But I completely understand why you'd be so upset,it's your Mum and she should have been at your wedding and I bet she does regret it OP.
I hope you had a lovely wedding day inspite of her not coming to the wedding
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