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Am I??

(18 Posts)
PugsyMabone Mon 23-May-16 22:43:14

ExDH came round Monday and ended up punching me and hitting my head against a wall. My mum came and sat with me. Took the kids to stay at hers etc. I was hysterical and scared. Have bruises on my arm.

I've just found out that today my dad and bil (sisters dh) asked him to go fishing with them Saturday!

Is it just me or is that crazy? They all knew how abusive he wass to me, I kept telling them and they always made excuses. They say he's been in the family so long they can't just stop seeing him. I thought after Monday they would see the truth!

I'm so hurt. I feel like this just totally disregards what he did to me.

I feel like I'm in the twilight zone and nobody gives a fuck about me anymore.

PugsyMabone Mon 23-May-16 22:44:33

I can understand them finding it hard to cut contact after so long but a fishing trip, just 5 days later?!

Wolfiefan Mon 23-May-16 22:44:43

That is truly awful. It's almost like they don't believe you.
I'm sorry.
Your ex sounds awful. Police involved!

Tiggeryoubastard Mon 23-May-16 22:46:35

Oh sweetheart. It's worse being betrayed by your (supposed) nearest and dearest than some twat that's your ex, isn't it. You need to think long and hard about what action you take. flowers

Pettywoman Mon 23-May-16 22:47:23

That is fucking outrageous. angry

PugsyMabone Mon 23-May-16 22:48:27

That's it. I just feel like no one bloody cares at all. My own dad sad

Ilovewillow Mon 23-May-16 22:53:32

That's disgraceful! If I were you I would try and concentrate on you and your children and steer clear of the rest. I hope you are ok! Please report it to the police if you haven't already.

facebookrecruit Mon 23-May-16 22:59:01

What has your mum said to your dad about it OP?

PoundingTheStreets Mon 23-May-16 23:02:53

I'm so sorry you've been through this. flowers

Please, please don't be offended by this as I don't mean to sound insulting towards your family, but I don't think it's a coincidence your father and BIL have done this as well as your XH being an abuser. It's very, very common that abuse victims come from a background in which abuse was normalised and minimised growing up. You may have never seen your father assault your mother, but how equal was their marriage? How much freedom did your mother have within it? How did your father speak to your mother? What did you learn about male and female roles and power from your parents' marriage?

It would be inconceivable to me to have a relationship with someone who had violently assaulted one of my DC, no matter how well I had got on with them previously. Coldly polite and civil I could stretch to if paths crossing was unavoidable for the sake of DC and family gatherings, etc., but cosy little fishing expeditions would be out of the question.

Sadly, you've been told very clearly by your father and BIL that in their eyes it is ok for men to assault women. sad

I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what you want to do about it. You may not feel able to rant and rave or stand up for yourself and you don't have to, but you most certainly are NOT being unreasonable for feeling so let down and betrayed. flowers

Gide Mon 23-May-16 23:10:16

Surely your DF knows about the assault? If not, bloody well tell him and tell him he needs to make a fucking choice.

LeggyLinda Mon 23-May-16 23:18:51

i joined this site about a month ago and hoped to read through most threads before commenting. But in this case I feel I must jump in and ask if you have notified the police?
You have suffered an assault and no matter what other people feel about exDH your relationship with him is obviously abusive.
There are many examples of men being "great lads down the pub" but behind closed doors the wife is suffering.
Don't be too harsh on your family until you are certain you know that they know the ins and outs

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 23-May-16 23:20:22

That is shocking.

I'm really sorry that happened to you and that your family are not supporting you as they should. flowers

almondpudding Mon 23-May-16 23:23:37

I'm sorry OP.

Your situation is, I think, the worst I have read on MN.

Assaulted and then let down by your family.

I would not have any contact with my dad if he did that.

AnotherTimeMaybe Mon 23-May-16 23:24:03

I'm so sorry OP flowers

You must feel betrayed by everyone! Do you have any mates you can talk to?

Waltermittythesequel Mon 23-May-16 23:28:19

Bastards. There's no excuse for that.

PugsyMabone Mon 23-May-16 23:33:19

I've been on the phone and apparently there was a 'misunderstanding'.
My father was somehow under the impression it was just an argument rather than an assault when he invited him and now that i have sent him the full account (I wrote down what happened afterwards) he has revoked the invitation.

But yes pounding, I wouldn't say violence was uncommon in the family but I made sure to tell them this wasn't some tiff and a push about, it was serious.

Wolfiefan Mon 23-May-16 23:37:51

I really hope they have changed their plans.
Are you saying violence is common in your family? Please seek help if that's the case.
I'm so sorry you have been treated like this. You deserve sooooo much better.

OptimisticSix Mon 23-May-16 23:44:37

They are being VERY UNREASONABLE!!! As someone who was in a violent relationship I can't imagine how awful I would have felt if this had happened sad

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