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to be really bloody irritated at all my exH's gf's posts about autism?

(45 Posts)
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 23-May-16 22:09:28

Ok that might sound a bit complicated but basically I'm 'friends' on FB with exH's gf (let's call her X) - only to keep contact with them/him when they have the dc's as exH basically refuses to speak to me and I've got more chance of getting hold of him through her.

NB - one of our dc's is severely autistic.

X often posts things on FB, and every bloody time something comes up about autism she likes and shares it - it feels extremely 'LOOK AT ME I'M SO ACCEPTING OF MY BOYFRIEND'S SON'.

RedOnHerHedd Tue 24-May-16 00:28:13

It sounds like it would be irritating, but if you take a positive look at it, she is being accepting of him and likely to have read up on it. I suppose she could be worse and not have a clue. Try and see the positive side. Is she good with your DC? If she is, then I'd be likely to let it slide.

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine Tue 24-May-16 00:38:09

Sounds like her heart might be in the right place but, unlike you, she's having to deal with the newness of it all.

FerkTheeesSheet Tue 24-May-16 00:50:51

You may be being sensitive because it's your exH new missus... It's not a bad thing if she's actively looking up information on the condition.
Like previous poster said, at least she's not ignorant of it.

PerspicaciaTick Tue 24-May-16 00:53:11

She is showing an interest and if she is actually reading the stuff she is liking, then she will be learning too.
Much better to deal with someone who is open to learning more than someone who insists on their right to be wrong.

DropYourSword Tue 24-May-16 00:54:28

Probably better that way than her actively having a problem.

I bloody hate all the Facebook 'like and share' bollocks. Spammy shit. It really irritates me the whole 'share this if you hate cancer'. No no, I bloody love cancer me. Let it be known that of course I actually don't. My mum was diagnosed at the start of this year and it felt like my world ended. I fucking hate cancer. But I'm still not sharing Facebook bollocks

FirstWeTakeManhattan Tue 24-May-16 01:12:33

It might be a clunky way of trying to to do the right thing.

dogdrifts Tue 24-May-16 01:19:49

I loathe all of those stupid 'look at me I'm such a caring person and anyone that doesn't like and share this meaningless crap is a thoughtless cunt' memes <especially the sn kids one. It makes me want to post shouty responses in all caps telling them it makes fuck all difference whether you share this meaningless shite or not, and the people who are ACTUALLY making difference in the lives of children with x, y or z don't have time to share such tripe. But then I realize that would be counter-productive, and so I grit my teeth and ignore.>

It's fair enough to hate her for sharing such meaningless twaddle, but there are folk who <grits teeth again> find it quite comforting and supportive.

More importantly, what is she actually like coping and supporting the child in question? If she is actually a good egg who understands the bairn and can be trusted to be a lifelong support, all good. If she is just publicly polishing her goddamned halo and will have nothing at all to do with your child in reality, I'd be losing my mind.

Allalonenow Tue 24-May-16 01:20:42

Cut the GF some slack, finding out and being involved with autism information could be the highlight of her day, after all, the rest of the time she is stuck with your Ex poor soul!

FOTTFSOF Tue 24-May-16 01:24:13


she is trying to make it part of her identity by it being so much on FB

If she cares so much about it, she can volunteer at a charity which raises awareness of autism.

Plus your ex-P sounds like he has not pulled his load, which must've been hard for you especially having a child with additional needs, so YANBU to feel this sharing of memes is nothing near comprehending the reality of what you've been through

Bananasinpyjamas1 Tue 24-May-16 01:31:45

YANBU I feel similarly about my DPs eldest DSD - 25. She also likes and shares loads of posts about autism - her half brother, my son. Yet she's been utterly selfish and horrible about me in the past, hasn't ever asked me about him, offered a hand or been at all interested.

So yeah! I agree with you - and at it's worst it is attention seeking for themselves - if they really cared - they can help / volunteer! Grrr...

BreakfastLunchPasta Tue 24-May-16 01:41:02

It would be so much worse if she was completely disinterested in your children, if she's there when they're spending time with their dad. I think it shows that she cares.

StormyBlue Tue 24-May-16 02:45:46

It does sound attention grabby so I can see why it would annoy you but honestly when I clicked on the thread I was expecting the posts to be 'in my day there was no autism or ADHD, you just got a good smack. Share if you agree', which sadly exist!
She will get over this phase, at least she has a positive attitude about it.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 24-May-16 06:35:51

So was I - it sounds like she can't do right for doing wrong. What would you rather, she ignores that he has autism? Posts as above that it's 'made up and doesn't exist/a parenting problem'?

She's not criticising you, or your child, she probably thinks she's being supportive

Does it really matter?

Pagwatch Tue 24-May-16 06:40:34

I completely understand why it's irritating but I think you should try and ignore it and be greatful that even if only for appearance sake, she is inclined to be positive and supportive about ASD.

I have relatives who very weirdly name drop my son at every opportunity in a <head tilt> way 'oh I know - my GS/nephew/cousin has autism. It's is....<random mostly uninformed bollocks>'
People are bizarre.

AngieBolen Tue 24-May-16 06:47:12

I would be to stalky irritated too, but I think we are both unreasonable, OP!

Pagwatch Tue 24-May-16 06:50:48

Greatful ?
<slaps self>

PaulAnkaTheDog Tue 24-May-16 07:07:23

So she makes an effort to show acceptance and understanding of her bf''s son and tries to share information with others and this is somehow wrong? Wow, seems pretty harsh to me. Were you Facebook friends with her before? Do you know she didn't always like and post this stuff?

DixieNormas Tue 24-May-16 07:18:15

Is it informative stuff? Most people sharing stuff about asd on Fb annoy me because it's always annoying little memes

Fairylea Tue 24-May-16 07:25:28

I have a son with severe asd. I'm also part of a step family / blended family situation.

I would be over the moon if my dds step mum took as much interest as your exes girlfriend. Yes it's bit clunky and naff as far as Facebook goes but her hearts in the right place.

Personally though I could never be Facebook buddies with my ex or his (now wife). It would be incredibly weird to me.

Pagwatch Tue 24-May-16 07:43:50

I do think it depends a lot on how it is being done though.

Sharing information, posts about local support groups or issues which affect people with ASD is one thing.

If it's a picture of a sunrise with 'share if you love a child with ASD' I'd be really irritated.

I have family members who share that shit who haven't seen DS2 for years and never contact him or send a birthday card.

lalalalaa Tue 24-May-16 07:48:38

I think it sounds like she cares about people understanding autism more. She might not have known anything about it before knowing your son and now she knows more she wants to help to educate other people about it. I see it as a good thing.

Yes it might grate a bit but to me it sounds like a good thing and that she's trying to get it more understood.

virabhadrasana Tue 24-May-16 08:02:11

I've a son on the spectrum although he is v mild tbh and my x has a gf, and if she was doing this I would be furious. It is not something she can try on for size for a while. It's going to be something we have to work around for ever, long after she's disappeared. Trying to use it to appear 'deep' or caring would irritate me.

coldcanary Tue 24-May-16 08:05:35

Those types of things are always irritating but she might just be trying to show you that she gets it and cares, just in a very annoying way. As long as she's not sharing lies or I'll informed stuff I'd let this one go.

ghostoftheMNchicken Tue 24-May-16 09:43:39

YABU, purely because you're making a massive assumption about her motivations for sharing this stuff. Maybe she's sharing it because it's genuinely important to her. And you're assuming it's all about you. I get the impression you don't know her that well; do you know for fact that your son is the only person with autism in her life?

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