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I've cocked up and will commit a social etiquette infraction no matter what - party invite

(55 Posts)
ConfuzzledandDazed Mon 23-May-16 19:01:42

Posting here for both traffic and to find out which one of my options is the least unreasonable.

I am totally prepared to be flamed for my idiocy.

All names have been changed but the girls in question are 11.

DD's school is having an inset day on Friday. I work full time and her friend Lucy's mum offered to have DD for me that day. I am very grateful and accepted with thanks and an offer of reciprocation when I can.

Last week DD brought home an invite for Kirsty's party. I gratefully accepted as we had no plans for Saturday. Last night I checked the invite and noticed the party was actually on Friday. That's fine, thinks I, as Kirsty's mum had offered lifts for anyone who needs it (party is out of the way). Thanks to what I can only describe as a total brain fart moment, I texted Kirsty's mum asking if she could give DD a lift (thinking the party was after school and forgetting entirely that they were not at school on Friday). Kirsty's mum replied saying that was fine but knowing where I lived, said that Amy's mum was also offering lifts.

I texted Amy's mum and following a text conversation with her, the penny dropped. She did offer to pick DD up from Lucy's house (which would be about an hour before I would get there to pick her up - think end of afternoon) but we both agreed that would be insensitive to Lucy (who is not invited to the party).

What on earth should I do?!? The way I see it I have two options:

1) text Kirsty's mum and apologise profusely that I am a total idiot and DD can no longer go to the party or
2) contact Lucy's mum and explain that Amy's mum will be picking DD up and hope that Lucy doesn't twig why (although given they're 11 it's unlikely).

Yes I know I am a totally disorganised idiot but I just don't know what to do now.

Frimplepants Mon 23-May-16 19:03:32


nephrofox Mon 23-May-16 19:03:55

Number 1. Number 2 would be awful!!

ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 23-May-16 19:05:23


ARoomDimAtNoon Mon 23-May-16 19:05:41

I don't think I'd be offended if I was Lucy's mum. You can't invite everyone to every party realistically. And if it was a friends party that Lucy didn't know they wouldn't care would they?
I'd stick with your plan, ring Lucy's mum and tell her other mum will be picking her up. You don't even need to say why, really.

YouMakeMyDreams Mon 23-May-16 19:06:27

1. It is the lesser of two evils to admit you screwed up the dates and sorry Dd can't make it than it is to get Dd collected early by another parent and hurt Lucy's feelings.
If you would be collecting half an hour later would it be too late to take Dd to the party a little late?

NannawifeofBaldr Mon 23-May-16 19:07:18

You do what is the least mean thing.

You politely decline to Kirsty's Mum, explaining that you are an idiot and forgot that they won't be at school. Your child are arrangements don't allow for DD to attend.

Text Any's Mum apologising for any hassle but DD isn't going after all.

Explain situation to DD and get her to keep her mouth shut to Lucy about the fact she's no longer attending the party or why.

You CANNOT arrange to have Amy's Mum pick up from Lucy's if Lucy isn't invited, it would be unforgivably insensitive.

Pooka Mon 23-May-16 19:08:41


Don't do 2.

Even though not everyone can be invited and so on, I think taking hospitality for the day and then rubbing host/her dd's nose in it may cause problems. Unless you've known each other for years and years, are firm friends and you know that Lucy and dd's friendship group doesn't overlap.

ARoomDimAtNoon Mon 23-May-16 19:08:47

But would OP definitely be hurting Lucy's feelings? She doesn't say they're super close friends or anything. Surely all children experience not being invited to a part at some point? Lucy might not give a fig. And it's a shame for OPs DD to miss out on it.

MissDuke Mon 23-May-16 19:08:59

Ahhh crap what a horrible scenario, and totally one that I could find myself in! It is so hard to juggle work with all the social stuff that comes with the kids.

Unfortunately I do think that you have to go with number 1 - unless there is any possible way that you could finish work early and bring your dd to the party yourself?

Ameliablue Mon 23-May-16 19:10:15

I would contact Kirsty's Mum and apologise, saying you got the days mixed up and you will be working and other arrangements in place for your dd so she won't be able to attend.

wonderpants Mon 23-May-16 19:10:44

I would pick up DD and Lucy and take them for a treat (cinema, dinner, sleepover). At 11, she won't see going to Lucy's to be looked after, she has been invited to spend time with Lucy, and dropping her for a better offer would sting!

Lilacpink40 Mon 23-May-16 19:11:22


Queenbean Mon 23-May-16 19:11:45

How good a friends are Lucy and Kirsty? If not close at all then I'd just go with 2

bloodyteenagers Mon 23-May-16 19:11:58

3. Between now and Friday can you work through lunches enough to be able to leave early, pick up dd and drop her off to the party?

Is it a house party or they going somewhere?

SilverGiraffe7 Mon 23-May-16 19:12:47

I would be honest - text part girl's mum and say that you mucked the dates up, and as your DD is spending the day with a girl who isn't going to the party you'll have to decline. Is your DD especially close to the girl having the party?

bostonkremekrazy Mon 23-May-16 19:12:50

either you need to pick her up an hour earlier than planned and take to the party yourself....will work let you go an hour early?

or 1

do not do 2 NO NO NO!

Optimist1 Mon 23-May-16 19:12:58

Definitely contact Amy's mum and come clean. She will either 1) invite Lucy to the party too, or 2) accept your muddleheadedness with good humour but not extend an invitation to Lucy.

Doing anything else would only make you look as though Lucy's mum is a "last resort" to fill in the gaps in your childcare arrangements - she'd have a thread on AIBU before you'd put the phone down!

DuvetDayEveryday Mon 23-May-16 19:13:59

I don't really see the problem. Just tell Lucy's mum that dd has a party invite in the afternoon and will be picked up early. I wouldn't be remotely offended if it were me, surely by the time you've got an 11yo you're over any 'my child is missing out' nonsense?

OohMavis Mon 23-May-16 19:15:02

I'd go with 1.

However if I were the uninvited child's mother I don't think I'd be offended at all. I'd take DD out for lunch or something.

wonderpants idea about taking them both out once home from work is a nice one smile

Salmotrutta Mon 23-May-16 19:16:35

It really wouldn't be very nice to let your DD be picked up from Lucy's house to go to a party that Lucy isn't invited to after her Mum has looked after your daughter all day!

Amazed that there are a couple of people who think that would be okay...

Salmotrutta Mon 23-May-16 19:17:49

And yes, wonderpants idea is a really good one.

Kimononono Mon 23-May-16 19:18:05


NannawifeofBaldr Mon 23-May-16 19:18:58

I don't understand why two poster's gave now talked about Lucy's Mum being offended. It's Lucy herself who is likely to feel at the very least uncomfortable. She's 11, not 4!!

How would any of you feel if you spent the day with a friend from work for example and she left your house to be picked up be another colleague on the way to a work night out you weren't invited to?

Apart from anything else OP if you do 2 I would expect that invitations to cover inset days will be considerably less likely in future.

claraschu Mon 23-May-16 19:19:13

I would take her to the party late, if that is possible in any way. I would see if there was any way I could arrange to leave work a bit early so I could pick her up as early as possible.

If you like and trust Lucy's mum, you could talk it over with her. Perhaps Lucy doesn't mind not being invited: maybe she already knows about the party and isn't bothered because she isn't friends with Kirsty.

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