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new child - upset X W

(147 Posts)
TeaandCake8 Mon 23-May-16 11:51:32

AIBU? DP was married for 11years they had 2 DC -pregnancy wasn't planned they decided to do right thing & marry to give it ago- but in the end they divorced.

I've been with DP for 20years now & just had our 1st DS together, x w is pissed as hell , his DC have stopped talking to him (admit their relationship has been rocky 4 few years due to stirring by xw) the DC haven't meet our new DS .

I feel terrible his fallen out with his DC , but should it upset his xw after all this time? think it's been a reasonable amount of time they have been spilt up for!

EatShitDerek Mon 23-May-16 11:53:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fourormore Mon 23-May-16 11:54:44

Is my maths completely wrong or is his oldest DC 31? And the youngest must be at least 21?

Lolimax Mon 23-May-16 11:54:46

Congrats on your new baby. But if you've been together 20 years how old are his DC's??? Surely they are adults by now?

TheNaze73 Mon 23-May-16 11:56:33

She sounds incredibly bitter & needs to get a grip. She's the unreasonable one here

Pinkheart5915 Mon 23-May-16 11:56:58

Congratulations on your baby flowers

20 years later he has a baby with you and his ex doesn't like it, She just needs to get over it really should of moved on herself by now.

TheFairyCaravan Mon 23-May-16 11:59:20

Is the 20 years a typo?

NoFuchsGiven Mon 23-May-16 12:00:50

Have you been with your dp for 2 years op?

acasualobserver Mon 23-May-16 12:01:43

Yes, 2 years would make more sense of this.

TeaandCake8 Mon 23-May-16 12:02:31

They were very young when they had DC - now 30/25

He loves them very much but it seems how ever his approached parenting it's been considered wrong by xw & the DC have been made to choice sides (by xw)

Thank you enjoying new DS very much

TeaandCake8 Mon 23-May-16 12:04:22

Yes twenty years together this year (bit of an age gap between me & DP)

LittleNelle Mon 23-May-16 12:06:25

I'm not saying this justifies the ex wife's behaviour, but did your DP leave his wife and kids for a teenager? You weren't the babysitter or anything were you?

Froginapan Mon 23-May-16 12:06:25

You've been together for 20 years and they were married for 11 and they are only 30/25?

Exactly how young were they 😬

I'm guessing there's a typo here

LittleNelle Mon 23-May-16 12:07:41

The DC are 30/25 I think Frog.

Froginapan Mon 23-May-16 12:07:52

Oh just ignore me - I mistook it to be the ages of DP and X, not their children 😋

YorkieDorkie Mon 23-May-16 12:08:37

DP must be considerably older than OP...
Perhaps with XW at 20, left her at 31, is now 51 and having a child with OP who lets say is in her 30s... It's plausible.

GloriousGoosebumps Mon 23-May-16 12:09:50

Has his ex wife got a new partner or has she been sitting at home for the past 20 years waiting patiently for DP to return to her?

TeaandCake8 Mon 23-May-16 12:11:16

They were definitely stilt up when we meet but can understand the comment!

Kenduskeag Mon 23-May-16 12:12:19

I can't get the maths right here. You've been with him 20 years but just had your first baby... so, you were 20 or younger when you met him? 18? 16? Crikey. I'm not sure if my middle-aged husband (he's had time to have an 11 year marriage and a 20 year relationship) walked out and set up with a teenager I'd not still bear the grudge 20 years later. What sort of father has he been to his sons? Seen them regularly? Paid maintenance?

PPie10 Mon 23-May-16 12:13:20

Yanbu, she needs to get a grip and so does his children. They are grown adults so what's the issue with a baby. Congrats on your baby, just leave them to stew and ignore it.!

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou Mon 23-May-16 12:14:00

Bound to be much more to it than OP is stating. 20 years after a divorce, why would you even know what your ex from 20 years ago thinks of what you are up to now?

The whole "mean exwife kept him from his kids" trope is often trotted out by wife no2 to excuse very poor behaviour from the man. Much easier for her than admitting he was a shit husband/father possible cheat, maybe didn't pay maintenance etc etc.

KittensandKnitting Mon 23-May-16 12:14:34

YANBU, she has nothing to do with what her ex husband of 20 years chooses to do. Think it is sad his children have been dragged into arguments concerning their fathers and mothers dislike of each other (sure the feeling is mutual)

Think the maths/age of people is irrelevant given they are consenting adults although I too am intergued but that's just because I'm really nosey smile

VioletBam Mon 23-May-16 12:15:02

Ken people can have babies into their 40s you know. I assumed OP was maybe 20 when she met her DH and now she's in her 40s.

Either way none of this matters.

OP it's sad but you will have to rise above it.

littleGreenDragon Mon 23-May-16 12:15:21

Is it really the ex W - of are they embarrassed put out they have a much younger sibling something they should get over - or just not that interested in new sibling and Dad's new life?

I honestly can't see why the ex-w would be bothered - who is telling you she is - why if the DC are all adults is there any contact with the ex?

Even if she is bothered - just try and not let it affect you. At 30 and 25 the children are adults and completely able to make up their own minds about situations.

KittensandKnitting Mon 23-May-16 12:17:12

And the whole "wife/DP number 2, can't possibly be right" is trotted out a hell of a lot too. And sometimes the father is wrong, but sometimes the mother is wrong too.

I think it would be nice to just sometime take the OP's word for it.

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