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Pictures on Facebook?

(10 Posts)
Whosegotthepeanuts Mon 23-May-16 06:55:55

Alright, bit of back story, my mother has always been a bit...emotional...and she's also an expert gaslighter so that you always end up feeling guilty and like crap for making her fly off the handle about something inconsequential.
She's extremely jealous of my PIL's, although we only see them twice a year and frankly I can't stand seeing them (but that's another story). We see my DP's every month to month and a 1/2. Despite seeing the PIL's so rarely every time we do it ends up in a massive row because somehow we've been "unfair" to my DP's. Last time it was because we didn't rush over to their house before going to the airport in the morning to say goodbye to them, even though we'd been with them the whole day before and said our goodbyes that night. (PIL's and DP's live in same country, we live in a different one. When we go to said country we stay at PIL's because they have extra room but make sure we spend equal time with DP's. which we did this time).

This time PIL's came to see us at ours. My mother started in right away asking when they were leaving, why we hadn't left their hotel yet, etc. (She says we leave the hotel first thing in the morning when they stay, which is a lie, we leave after them). Managed to control that.

Yesterday DH put up a new profile picture of his parents with our kids on Facebook. My mother went off the deep end saying it was unfair that I hadn't done the same thing the last time they were there (frankly I always put pictures up but their hadn't been any good ones and I've recently started wearing a bikini again and didn't think I looked good and didn't want to put them up). I told her that I had nothing to do with DH changing his profile picture (didn't even know he'd done it). But once again I'm ungrateful and unfair.

At first I was of the opinion that she was overreacting, but the more she goes on about how I hurt her (she says them but I know my father probably doesn't even know she's saying this to me) the more I wonder if AIBU?

jonsnowssocks Mon 23-May-16 07:11:10

YANBU, your mother is BVU! She's demanding your attention like a spoilt child. You can do no more than explain why you didn't put a photo of them up, and then refuse to broach the subject again. If it was me, I wouldn't even do that!

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose Mon 23-May-16 07:12:00

Call her on it. She's being very manipulative.

LittleHouseOnTheShelf Mon 23-May-16 07:13:14

It sounds like she's very insecure.

Whosegotthepeanuts Mon 23-May-16 07:15:10

The funniest is she told me to ask my friends what they think of me not posting a photo of them, but DH posting one of his parents, so I did. They said she was being silly. So I told her. Now she's mad at me for telling my friends. I can't win. sad

BillBrysonsBeard Mon 23-May-16 08:20:10

This isn't normal behaviour OP, at all. She sounds like a petulant child! It must be so stressful for you. Are you an only child? Don't they have a life outside of their kids? Not an excuse for this behaviour though but seems to be more common if they live their life revolved around you.

Whosegotthepeanuts Mon 23-May-16 08:26:54

I have a younger brother, but my DC's are their only grand kids. Just to be clear though, I don't think my Dad even had a clue she was messaging me.

She actually works full time, and seemingly has a full social life. She's just incredibly jealous of PIL's (why I don't know!)

Whosegotthepeanuts Mon 23-May-16 09:09:17

Call her on it. She's being very manipulative.

I did, and I have before. It generally ends with her not speaking to me for weeks, blaming it on me, and getting my DB to tell me IABU and horrible to her.

PovertyPain Mon 23-May-16 09:14:49

Tell you DB to mind his own business. Cheeky fucker acting like a winged monkey.

Tell her you refuse to discuss it any more. Every tine she starts ranting on the phone tell her to stop or you will hang up, then do so if she continues. Every time she sends a ranty message, tell her the same and ignore her bad behaviour. The more you try to defend yourself, the mire sage will think you're making excuses. She needs to grow up.

Whosegotthepeanuts Mon 23-May-16 11:47:02

You're probably right PovertyPain, it's just that doing that usually leads to more drama, and every one in the family usually ends up defending her, making me the asshole. sad

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