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Aibu to hold a grudge?

(3 Posts)
Tongueincheek92 Sun 22-May-16 20:10:10

Okay so I'll try amd make a very long story short by using bullet points.
Little background first - I have been with my Oh for 6 years, when we got together he had been single for a year after leaving his ex who cheated on him twice then he found out the miscarriage she had was actually an abortion which she had due to the baby not being his and the timings being out. Oh and they was together a littler over a year okay...
- during my pregnancy with our 'now 2 yo son I started getting messages of fake fb accounts claiming Oh was cheating with his ex.
- Every now and then messages would say "I" instead of "she" when referring to his ex so naturally assumed it was her sending them
- Asked him repeatedly if any truth, he completely denied it all.
- when my son was 5 months old I found some of them Facebook emails (where they email you to tell you you have a pm on fb) there was loads from the ex dating right back to the start of out relationship. , but could only see what she had sent him not what he had replied (he had deleted the actual conversation off his fb btt I found them)
- Messages were about her feelings for him, the past and one that he got at 2 am saying "ready when you are" I was heavily pregnant at the time so would have been in bed by 10 at the latest every night.
- He claims he was over long before we got together amd he only would message her as he wanted closure and to stop things being awkward (regularly see her on the school run when collecting our oldest)
- at one point he met her to get her fags as she had lost her I'd and was waiting for a new one to come (she looks young) which is a joke as again I was pregnant at this time and he didn't help me with anything
- He swears it was nothing and whenever she did try turning it into something more he didn't reply - there was a message from her asking why he was ignoring her and saying shes sorry she just misses him which kinda adds up.
- Messaged her, she claims they regularly talked about getting back together,he met up regularly up with her n the day I told him I was pregnant again and told her he didn't want it (he was the one that kept on for another as I wasn't ready), he regularly told her he still loved her and they kissed a few times. - But claimed they never went further as she has morals and wouldn't do that to a pregnant woman :/ (but messaging and kissing her fiance is obviously fine)
- He denies that and points out "why would I even say that about the baby if I was the one that spent a year persuading you to try for another"
There is more but can't think if it all right now.
Anyway, by the time I found the messages they had stopped talking completely, he showed me he had both her accounts blocked and I do believe whatever it was was over by then. We had a really rough 6 months because of it all before I finally decided to try n move on. But I've tried my hardest to believe him and move on but still a year later It still plays on my mind daily, I worry about what exactly did happen between them (as not sure I'll ever know who's telling the truth) and the thought of it all still hurts and makes me feel as sick as it did the day I found them.
We saw her the other day, and even though was was stood on the other side of the road chatting to mutual friends she felt the need to point over and whisper something to her friend and then was laughing and shouted heeey to him. Oh didn't even notice her though. So my question is am I being unreasonable to wanna punch her everytime I look at her? And the fact she acted like a school girl the other day made me wanna do it even more! But I get so angry when I see her I can't even talk to my Oh for a good hour after as I'm scared if I do I'll end up regretting the things I say!
Please tell me this is perfectly reasonable and I'm not just a bitter cow now.

Patapouf Sun 22-May-16 20:26:46

You are being unreasonable to blame her. It is all him
You need to decide whether or not cheating and lying is a deal breaker. If so, LTB.

Janecc Sun 22-May-16 20:31:25

No you are no a bitter cow. Whatever happened happened. He's chosen you. She doesn't feature in his life. I don't think you can ever be sure about the past. Are you sure in your relationship now?

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