To be annoyed at Inlaws for 'calling in' today

(133 Posts)
OhDearMe2 Sun 22-May-16 18:49:46

So today is my DM's birthday. For a few weeks we have had a nice day planned close to my home (My mum dad and sis travelled over to us) for lunch out with my DH and two DCs also went a nice walk etc. At about 4pm DCs got tired so DH said he would take them home and my sis went with him as was feeling tired (she's preggers). Anyway then my DM informs me that my Inlaws have just called DH to say they're in the area and will call in for a cuppa.

I'm mildly annoyed DH didn't mention it to me but to be fair I was not close by on the walk (split off for a bit) and I think was all a bit hectic. Anyway when I got home at 5pm Inlaws were there drinking tea etc and DH was then meant to go out (has cycle ride some Sunday eve). I don't mind at all because he looks forward to it all week! Anyway all a bit weird then as Inlaws are there with me and my sis and its 5.30pm and time to get tea and bed and I'm annoyed because they've basically just invited themselves over on my mum's birthday (which they knew). Mum and dad arrive back from walk slightly later as stopped to rest and house is then full and all v stressful getting kids to eat / bed.

AIBU to think they should just sod off home? It's 6.45pm on Sunday eve, my DH has missed his cycle ride (tried to go but turned around because he felt guilty 'as everyone is over') and I am now left feeling riled that my family have departed (they know that bed / bath / tea time is not sociable time for us) but Inlaws are just waiting for us downstairs to chat after kids in bed.

I could be annoyed with DH but they told him they were popping in for a cuppa for twenty mins. That was almost 3 hours ago!!

I like them but just think this is quite rude?! AIBU?

Also MIL is totally full of cold. She's not the sort to let this stop her but I am annoyed she has no qualms about cuddling my children even when Ill!!

OhDearMe2 Sun 22-May-16 18:50:10

Ps sorry for v long post / rant!

amysmummy12345 Sun 22-May-16 18:53:02

Yanbu.... Go downstairs, open the front door and tell them you're off for an early night... Or better still run a bath and don't come back down grin

TheoriginalLEM Sun 22-May-16 18:53:16

Oh god! im pissed off on your behalf! I'd be inclined to sod off down the pub

FutureGadgetsLab Sun 22-May-16 18:55:11

YANBU. I hate people just "popping in" it's so rude and inconsiderate. I'd also just go to the pub!

OhDearMe2 Sun 22-May-16 18:55:41

I'm tempted theoriginal! I am getting more and more annoyed! Currently sat putting DC2 to bed and just hoping they vacate by the time I've done. I can hear MIL singing downstairs. Doing my head in! I would never turn up univited to someone's house on a Sunday eve!

OhDearMe2 Sun 22-May-16 18:57:02

Thanks though, makes me feel better to think I'm not being unreasonable.

DH struggles so much with this, he's in a really irritable mood and I know it's because they've done this but he feels bad for feeling that! He would never tell them to go and I can't really so I'm just staying out of the way!

MargotLovedTom Sun 22-May-16 18:57:03

Can't you do the big stand up, clap your hands or something and say "Well, its been lovely to see you but we have to get on with bathtime and all that, and I think I'll have a bath myself," then let that hover so they get the hint?

OhDearMe2 Sun 22-May-16 18:58:43

Margot, I would but I've already done the bath. I literally hugged FIL goodbye and took kids up for a bath. They just waited downstairs! MIL is sorting my washing out. Pisses me off, thinks it's helpful but I haven't asked her to and wish they would just go home now.

FlouncyMcFlounceFace Sun 22-May-16 18:58:47

Could you thank them for coming over to baby sit and take your DH along with a bottle of something nice to your mums?

OhDearMe2 Sun 22-May-16 18:59:54

Lol flouncy! My mum is 40 min drive unfortunately. Feel bad for my mum that they're here and she's gone home

FutureGadgetsLab Sun 22-May-16 19:00:55

Can you not just ask them to leave? "I'm really tired and planning on having an early night, so you'll have to go now"?

Princecharlesfirstwife Sun 22-May-16 19:01:06

Wouldn't bother me tbh, i like people popping in if they're in the area. If you want to be bothered about anything though, it should be your dh who could have told his parents when they phoned him that it wouldn't be a good time.

Nanny0gg Sun 22-May-16 19:02:18

Your DH should have told them that you were out, you were having a busy time with guests, and you'd see them another time.

I only ever visit my DC when in-laws are there if I'm specifically invited.

ToucheShay Sun 22-May-16 19:02:38

Go downstairs and say sorry you have a headache and want to rest, and are really sorry but you will have to ask to them to leave.

Fuck her downstairs, singing away - silly cow. Oik them out the rude bastards.

Hassled Sun 22-May-16 19:04:12

You need to just call them on it - it's been really lovely to see them, especially on your mother's birthday and all, but now you need to get sorted for the week ahead and we'll be in touch very soon and oh look! there's the door...

My (lovely) PILs went through a stage of showing up unannounced. Eventually I told them that I loved seeing them but I needed notice - and they went "fair enough". Sometimes people just need the bleeding obvious pointing out to them.

OhDearMe2 Sun 22-May-16 19:04:19

Actually I don't really mind people calling in briefly but 3 hours is too long! I think what annoys me is that they 'do stuff' they think is helpful whilst here but we don't want them to. I would rather they just come wen invited and actually spend time with us rather than rushing around doing our washing etc. Maybe I'm being harsh and they just feel we don't invite them enough. I think MIL sometimes gets jealous that my parents see us more (they do) but they love looking after our DCs and offer to do it a lot and have spare time. PILs don't really offer so much. We do see them quite frequently though so not sure why they need to do this too.

purplebud Sun 22-May-16 19:06:55

Sunday evening is not a great time to be calling round and staying. Some people need to be told when to go.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards Sun 22-May-16 19:11:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TendonQueen Sun 22-May-16 19:11:47

I'd go down and say 'DH has a bike ride on now and I'm getting an early night, so when is good for us to come to you? Next Sunday? Great, I'll get your coats then'.

OhDearMe2 Sun 22-May-16 19:12:48

They've gone! TFFT. Downstairs now about to have glass of wine. Feel guilty because MIl has sorted all our washing out which I suppose is nice but also annoying because I am quite capable of doing it myself. Anyway rant over, they obviously felt unwelcome after I had spent 45 mins hiding in child's room!

TendonQueen Sun 22-May-16 19:12:55

But yes, if he 'would never tell them to go' then there's an extent to which he's bringing this problem on himself (and you)

Wdigin2this Sun 22-May-16 19:21:55

Oh bloody hell, nightmare for you, thank goodness they've gone! Why do people turn up uninvited like this, I don't get it....especially on a Sunday evening, when you've got kids to get off to bed!
Even worse, when guests eventually decide to leave, they take 20 minutes getting their coats etc on, 20 mins getting to the front door....then they say, 'oh did I tell you about....?' then keep you standing at the open door for another 20 mins! Argghhhh!!!

Jofo Sun 22-May-16 19:23:27

Do you think that maybe they have something important to tell you and that they are waiting until the DCs are in bed and you are free to talk?

Wdigin2this Sun 22-May-16 19:24:09

PS: I would be furious if anyone took it on themselves to go anywhere near my laundrey basket! angry

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