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To wonder who this men are then?

(249 Posts)
LovelyLilacWisteria Sun 22-May-16 17:33:35

I am a long term MNetter, around four years at least. I have name changed because I don't want this to follow me around the boards and I know some MNetters in RL smile

I am have fairly recently split from a H, have children. I can be attractive-ish, scrub up well, dog rough on the school run and most days in fact, so I am not blowing my own trumpet here.

Since the news got out that I am single, I have received regularly - at least fortnightly - messages from various men I have known over my life time, through work, school, in my social circle etc all of them checking up on me and wanting to find out how I am and how they thought they would just drop me a line to see where life has taken me. Nice enough. Without fail though within a matter of a few weeks/messages these men have tried to push the messages/contact to become inappropriate. This almost always begins in the form of offering me a massage whenever I express that I have been busy or am tired. It is literally like ticking a bingo card, so much so that I have purposely said it and sure enough within a few messages the massage offer comes - it is seemingly the approach of choice for middle aged married men, one that they can push on with if I show interest or stop in its tracks if I tell them its inappropriate i.e. I am being touchy and reading too much into their kind offer or they are joking hmm. More often than not once challenged, they become huffy and borderline aggressive, with one even insulting me and telling me to fuck off. This was a man who had repeatedly offered to call in while going to meetings in my area despite zero interest or acknowledgement from me. If I don't challenge them the messages tend to become more and more suggestive in tone with some actually really shocking ones sometimes - usually late at night.

So what I am wondering is, who are these men? Here on MN there seem to be a lot of women claiming to be happily married or with lovely men and that the majority of men are decent sorts. On FB the same men that are messaging me are splashed all over it with posting about holidays they are on, meals they are going out for, how happy they are etc, photos of them smiling and hugging their wives etc. In RL my married friends also claim the same, when some of THEIR husbands have been the ones who are messaging me! One is even married to a relative.....

So if most men are decent and almost ALL of you and my friends in RL are married to decent, faithful ones, who are these men messaging me in this way?

Grilledaubergines Sun 22-May-16 17:35:31

Well if you don't know who they are, you can't expect us to.

UmbongoUnchained Sun 22-May-16 17:36:25

I'm afraid you have to shovel through a lot of shit to find the corn.

Some are just lucky and find good men pretty early in life.

ghostyslovesheep Sun 22-May-16 17:36:35

f'knell - where to start ...

Just5minswithDacre Sun 22-May-16 17:37:58

This almost always begins in the form of offering me a massage whenever I express that I have been busy or am tired

Vom. Isn't being treacherous arses enough? Do they have to be so bloody cliched?

Just5minswithDacre Sun 22-May-16 17:39:02

So if most men are decent

There's your fallacy right there <jaded>

LovelyLilacWisteria Sun 22-May-16 17:40:10

I don't expect you to. Obviously I know WHO they are because they are messaging me but they are married to women who obviously don't know what they hell they are up to and think they are married to decent sorts don't they? That is the point I am making.

hazelangell Sun 22-May-16 17:41:06

I had the same thing when I split up with my ex, really pissed me off because they never took a subtle hint that I wasn't interested ie me saying I'm not ready for dating/never have free time as a single mum/want to focus on me and my son etc then when I get to the point of 'look, it's not happening, I like you but not in that way' .... I'm a bitch/whore/stuck up/slag/they only wanted to fuck me anway! Vile pieces of shite. Way happier on my own anyway.

LovelyLilacWisteria Sun 22-May-16 17:41:47

Yes, the massage offer is almost inevitable. Yep that's exactly what I need, a massage from my good friends husband. That is just what I need in my life right now, how did you guess? hmm

BillSykesDog Sun 22-May-16 17:41:57

Stealth boast with a nice dig at all women in relationships chucked in. A+++ for goadiness OP. Well done.

Clearly you're so irresistible no man in the world can resist you. Obviously because of your lovely personality.

Coldlightofday Sun 22-May-16 17:44:04

I am recentlyish single, one DC. Don't know about scrubbing up alright, so maybe that's the difference.

This has never happened to me.

Not once.

LovelyLilacWisteria Sun 22-May-16 17:44:09

What a load of bullshit billsykes. I won't even bother to defend myself to you.

Just5minswithDacre Sun 22-May-16 17:44:18

You've never experienced this phenomenon yourself then Bill?

BrandNewAndImproved Sun 22-May-16 17:46:55

Oops op you must have hit a nerve wink

I think most people cheat. The other half knows deep down but they won't admit it to themselves.

Don't believe anything on fb. It's all bullshit to keep up with thr Jones.

Arfarfanarf Sun 22-May-16 17:50:57

But you would claim to be happily married to a decent man if thats what you truly believed.

Have you copied these messages to their wives? If not, thats why they think they've got a good man - they have no idea what is going on. Because they trust them.

curren Sun 22-May-16 17:53:21

So all the married /attached men you know have messaged you? Every single one of them?

Of course no one expects their other half to cheat and it would shock them. I don't think my dh would cheat, if you asked I would say he wouldn't. However I also know that people can surprise you. In good ways and bad.

This isn't proof all men cheat. You are unlikely to get messages from attached women.

People cheat. Lots of people cheat. That doesn't mean all or most do. Quite frankly I couldn' t be arsed cheating. I have enough on grin.

I would be shocked if dh cheated. We live and run a business together so we spend 99% of our time together. I go out more than him, which means he is at home with the kids. But never say never.

I do know lots of men and women who have cheated. Have had kids with their ow/OM. My own cousin found out his child wasn't his and his wife had been cheating since before they got married. I still don't think all people cheat.

Purplepicnic Sun 22-May-16 17:55:09

Well, you're single aren't you? Husband's gone, no man around the house. So you must be up for it.

Seriously, I don't know but it's bloody terrifying.

ItsNotYouActuallyItIsYou Sun 22-May-16 17:55:33

Meh. I wouldn't say most men cheat, but there are obviously those who do.

I would question the company I keep if the husbands of my friends were trying to seduce me on mass, and also wondering just how my personal business has been spread so far and wide. Why do all these men know of your breakup? Why do you have phone/messaging contact with them? And why are they coming to you for quick sex...surely it is up to you to set these boudaries?

CaptainCrunch Sun 22-May-16 17:57:46

You seem to be surrounded by opportunistic sleazebags op, how unfortunate. Perhaps unfriending these men on fb would be a start.

seeyounearertime Sun 22-May-16 18:00:48

I'd play a long OP, the screen grab something beyond the pale, threaten to send it to their wives unless they pay you money.

I obvioulsy wouldnt, because im neither attractive, nor single, or female.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sun 22-May-16 18:01:08

I never had any of my friends husbands come on to me when I split from my exH.

Neither did the other 3 divorced women I know well enough to know whether it happened or not. And 2 of them are stunning permanently.

Your post does come across as "I'm sooooo gorgeous, all these men can't resist me".

LovelyLilacWisteria Sun 22-May-16 18:01:45

Yes its obviously ALL my own fault itsnot. I need to police ALL the behaviour of ALL of the men, I need to ensure that I don't tell anyone ever that I am single and alone. I must never, ever respond to initially friendly messages just saying hello. You are right, if only I had known this at the beginning. Oh well better late than never.

So all the married /attached men you know have messaged you? Every single one of them?

Can't seem to see where I said that in my post. I think I said that men I have known over the course of my life time didn't I. Perhaps you should take another read?

CoolforKittyCats Sun 22-May-16 18:02:28

I would question the company I keep if the husbands of my friends were trying to seduce me on mass, and also wondering just how my personal business has been spread so far and wide.

Yep me too...

OrangesandLemonsNow Sun 22-May-16 18:03:59

I never had any of my friends husbands come on to me when I split from my exH.

No nor did I.

LovelyLilacWisteria Sun 22-May-16 18:04:17

Your post does come across as "I'm sooooo gorgeous, all these men can't resist me".

Does it? Or is that just want you want to take from it for your own reasons? Because I thought I said I am actually not particularly attractive and not up for any kind of nonsense with any men married or otherwise. Because THAT is the truth. Hopefully that will clarify what I meant.

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