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To think they are overreacting?

(97 Posts)
Amy214 Sun 22-May-16 14:47:08

Me and my siblings were brought up in a household where swearing was the norm. It was an adult only thing and children were not allowed to swear, if we did we were sent to our rooms etc.. (i still dont swear infront of them) i dont mind them swearing in front of dd as long as it isnt offensive/racist and it never is. My brother has taken it to an extreme level in my opinion and tells our parents not to swear at all as he doesnt want his kids to hear (whilst they are in my parents home) my parents have told him if he doesnt like it then they have to leave as it is there house and they will do as they please (which is fair enough) my argument the whole time has been 'they will hear a lot worse in school, shopping centre and in general, it isnt offensive so whats the big deal?' his issue is 'what if they repeat what they hear' what are your opinions?

StealthPolarBear Sun 22-May-16 14:49:12

Im sure most children do hear swearing but most families try to minimise it and actively avoid swearing when children are about
you seem quite proud of your family's sweaty ways though, so good luck.

curren Sun 22-May-16 14:50:49

Swearing doesn't bother me in the slightest. I taught my kids there is a time and place for it.

But in this situation I would expect compromise from both sides. Your parents to rein it I. A little, your dbro not to kick off over ev every little slip up.

newmummytobabyboy Sun 22-May-16 14:51:15

I think if adults are swearing around children, how can you tell the children off if they do it. Children learn by example. So I'm with your brother in telling them not to swear at all.
I think there is a difference between a child hearing swearing in a shopping centre and hearing auntie/nan/grandad do it.

PPie10 Sun 22-May-16 14:51:43

I don't think your parents bad mouths are anything to be proud of. Who really thinks it's a good idea to be swearing around children. Your brother seems to be the only sensible, respectful one.

Littleorangecat Sun 22-May-16 14:51:59

I think it depends on the kids ages to be honest, if they are young then I think your brother is right, if they are older (11,12) etc and can understand the difference when it is appropriate and inappropriate to say it, milder swearing might be ok. It's not nice in my opinion to hear little kids swearing.

StealthPolarBear Sun 22-May-16 14:52:55

Sweary! Not sweaty

VioletBam Sun 22-May-16 14:53:00

I would not like my children's grandparents to swear in front of them! Why would anyone? It's coarse and crass and most swear words which aren't socially acceptable are either sexual or to do with bodily functions. Not very nicer.

They are being unreasonable but your brother is not.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sun 22-May-16 14:53:49

I swear a lot. DS knows that he will get in trouble with other people if he does.

He learnt cunt and fuck from our next door neighbour though.

Over reaction imo.

weebarra Sun 22-May-16 14:54:09

I try not to swear around the children. Both go to Scottish Premiership/Championship football matches with DH and I regularly and they are exposed to swearing there. They know it would be inappropriate for them to use those words. They probably do or will swear when not with us, but they know we don't approve and why.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 22-May-16 14:56:34

I totally understand there are folk who swear and there children never did having grown up in a house like that myself however I don't like people swearing in front of my DC and I ask my dm to tone her language down because it's unnecessary and the DC aren't used to it.

Your brother imo is correct

eightbluebirds Sun 22-May-16 14:57:02

I wouldn't want my kids around it.
Don't get me wrong, I do swear in my own home but not infront of the kids. They learn by example and I don't want them throwing such words around and I'd feel like a massive hypocrite punishing them for it. Your parents can do what they please in their home, but I suppose I find it a little odd they'd pick to continue to swear in their home over seeing their grandchildren...

NeedACleverNN Sun 22-May-16 14:57:52

We are a sweary household, my dh in particular, but we try hard not to swear in front of the dc because how easy it is for them to pick it up.

Nannawifeofbaldr Sun 22-May-16 14:59:29

Personally I wouldn't expect any if my family to swear in front of my children and if my parents took the same attitude as yours have then the DC would have quite limited contact.

I'm surprised that your parents need to swear is greater than their desire to spend time with their grandchildren.

Swearing is habit forming, I don't choose that my children should hear it.

Btw the only kids they hear it from at school are those with families like yours. In my life (personal and professional) swearing is the exception not the rule.

Oysterbabe Sun 22-May-16 15:00:23

I agree with your brother. Adults should try not to swear in front of children.

StableButDeluded Sun 22-May-16 15:00:40

I think it's pointless of your brother to expect your parents not to swear in front of his children in their own house-they swore in front of you as children so why would they not swear in front of the grandchildren?
However, in your brother's house he can lay down whatever rules he wants, and I don't think its unreasonable to expect them to not swear in that circumstance.
I also think it's a bit ridiculous to swear in front of your children at home, and then tell children THEY can't swear.

Pinkheart5915 Sun 22-May-16 15:00:47

I agree with your brother. At the very least your parents should tone it down his children are visiting them.

Children do follow examples and I don't think you can tell a child off for doing something there parents/grandparents do a lot

StableButDeluded Sun 22-May-16 15:02:51

Just to clarify, I don't think it's right that the parents swear, in front of the children, I wouldn't like it... just that its pointless asking them not to do it if they've been doing it for years. They probably say half the stuff out of habit.

Amy214 Sun 22-May-16 15:05:42

They have toned it down a lot but they lose the plot over a slip up. Im not proud of the swearing but i cant make them change their ways so i have accepted it l. I dont swear in front of dd at all, i do have the occasional slip up (hardly ever). We were brought up exactly the same and we knew it was not appropriate for children to swear.

Amy214 Sun 22-May-16 15:08:51

They do say the things out of habit as they too were brought up in sweary households so for them its completely normal. They dont swear in their house.

corythatwas Sun 22-May-16 15:09:44

If we accept that swearing is such a habit that you can't stop yourself once you are used to it, then I think there is even more cause for concern about children picking it up, seeing that uncontrolled swearing will certainly get them into trouble at school and is unacceptable in many workplaces. Plenty of places where a habit of non-thinking swearing would scupper you at the job interview.

I think it is an important lesson to teach children that people may swear sometimes but it is something you have to be able to control so you don't use it in the wrong place. And how can they learn that if their own parents can't control their swearing.

Grandparents are a bit trickier: but then again, I think if it is perfectly all right to tell the child that grandma may do this but we do not do this and you are not allowed. Or even to have a non-swearing rule in your own house.

Olddear Sun 22-May-16 15:12:14

I detest swearing. And whilst I'm exposed to it in shopping centres etc I don't do it. I'm with your brother.

Amy214 Sun 22-May-16 15:12:17

I dont swear in front of dd and i cant recall my parents swearing whilst out or at inappropriate times. Its mainly in their own house where they feel comfortable.

Nannawifeofbaldr Sun 22-May-16 15:13:55

The thing is Amy for lots of people swearing all the time isn't normal.

In my 20 years of working life I've never worked in an office where it was acceptable to swear.

Neither my family nor my DH's family routinely swear.

Very few of our friends routinely swear and those that do, would certainly not in front of children.

AugustaFinkNottle Sun 22-May-16 15:15:41

I'm struggling to get past your parents' hypocrisy - when you were kids they were allowed to swear and did so in your presence, but if you swore you were sent to your room? I'd have trouble respecting parents who behaved like that.

It's also very silly of them to tell your brother to get out if he doesn't like it. That's a sure route to becoming estranged from their son and grandchildren. Are a few swear words really worth it?

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