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To leave my drunk vomiting crying husband to it?

(559 Posts)
Whyiseverynameitryinuse Sun 22-May-16 01:47:10

Husband has been in a grumpy mood (swearing at the sat nav, overreacting to annoyances) all day. This evening he drank a bottle of red wine (minus one half glass I drank) then started on the whisky.

Then he started criticising me. I figured it was mostly the drink and tried not to get drawn, just saying I didn't want to talk about now and leaving the room. Apparently he then drank another half the bottle of whisky.

Next thing I know I hear him crying in the bathroom, so I go up to see if he's ok, and end up patting his back while he throws up. I try to look after him, and then he starts laying into me calling me a 'bitch' etc. I tell him if he doesn't stop attacking me I'll leave. He says that's 'emotional blackmail', then starts insulting me and I leave. The crying starts again, so I go back up. He cries about his (deceased) parents, I hug him,comfort him, he talks about life being too hard and wanting to die. I tell him I love him, and he has lots of friends and family that love him.

Then he starts attacking me again calling me an evil bitch who's ruining his life. I told him to please stop, but he wouldn't, so I said I was leaving but if he needed me to call. He said nobody that loved him could leave him like that and it proved what a horrible person I was.

I'm downstairs but I can hear him being sick and crying. I feel awful, I don't want to leave him suffering, but I don't want to be sworn and shouted at either. I'm terrified he'll hurt himself. Am I being a terrible person staying down here til he becomes less belligerent?

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 22-May-16 01:49:34

YANBU at all, you can't help him until he sobers up. I would take him a pint of water and just keep an eye on him to make sure he's not chocking on vomit etc but otherwise leave him to it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 22-May-16 01:54:35

Leave him to it. You've tried to help several times.,

AgentZigzag Sun 22-May-16 01:55:42

He sounds in a pretty shitty place.

You've done what you can though and there's no way you have to put up with him treating you like that regardless of how much he's had to drink or what's making him cry.

I definitely think it's best to keep your distance or it might ramp things up, which you don't want.

If he's been like this all day is it a more serious problem than just him being in an arse as a one off?

Beeziekn33ze Sun 22-May-16 01:58:34

Sounds awful, is this completely out of character? Get him to a doctor on Monday.

FastWindow Sun 22-May-16 01:58:59

If he has any form for drunken violence id get the hell out tonight.

If not, and he's just saying horrible things whilst drunk and clearly feeling very sorry for himself, id stay just to check he doesn't do himself an injury.

But my god he would have a very big apology to make in that morning. One that starts with 'Please dont divorce me.'

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 22-May-16 01:59:40

If he was just being sick and hung over
I'd say YABU. I mean let's be honest. There aren't many of us who haven't been there, but. He's being abusive twunt. Who you have tried to help, but he hurled abuse at you, so fuck him. Leave him to get on with it. No one can say "You ain't tried"

HarrietSchulenberg Sun 22-May-16 02:01:45

Yup, leave him to it. If you have a spare room, direct him to it. Or leave a duvet and pillow on the bathroom floor him.
Go to bed and leave him to his drunkenness.
In the morning, have A Talk.

TwentyCupsOfTea Sun 22-May-16 02:10:41

I would stay. In the spare room lock door. Talk in the morning.

Maverick66 Sun 22-May-16 02:13:33

Whiskey and red wine combo is not good.
Make sure he is on his side when he goes to sleep and leave him to it.
In my experience a night with someone who drinks whiskey never ends well flowers

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 22-May-16 02:21:51

I wouldn't want to be him in the morning. He's going to have the mother of all hang overs.

Whyiseverynameitryinuse Sun 22-May-16 02:23:13

Thanks all for replying, I just feel so guilty. It just went quiet so I went to check on him, he's fallen asleep on the bathroom floor (actually blocking the door so I can't get in). I can get the door open a little and hear him breathing (well, snoring) so hopefully he'll sleep it off. I'm going to stay up for a bit and see if I can get him to move to the bed in a while.

MyFriendsCallMeOh Sun 22-May-16 02:29:55

Reading other threads about drunk dh's wetting the bed, you might want to leave him where he is....

FastWindow Sun 22-May-16 02:40:58

Yep, leave him there. If he's that bad (and he is) you do not want to move him. He'll be ill again. In the bed if you're unlucky. Plus, he probably feels safe enough where he is.
Personally i wouldn't want to try to move 11 stone of dead drunk husband, im not strong enough!

VioletBam Sun 22-May-16 02:41:47

Don't move him OP. You'll either put your back out or end up with a wet, vomity bed.

AgentZigzag Sun 22-May-16 02:57:01

I would leave him where he is as well, not just to avoid the vomity wet bed but because you don't want it to start up again if you wake him up.

Can you maneuver a blanket around the door? (which will also be evidence of your care of him should he start up with the 'nobody loves me' line when he wakes up with the mother of all hangovers).

MadamDeathstare Sun 22-May-16 02:58:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herecomethepotatoes Sun 22-May-16 03:01:08

Whilst he's clearly been an arse and owes you a big apology, I also think he sounds very unhappy about something (or a combination of things) and this has given you an insight into how he's feeling. He's going to need your support and help and perhaps professional help too.

When did his parents die? Has anything happened at work or home recently? In my experience, there's only so much anyone can take and then a seemingly small thing can push you over the edge. The straw that broke the camel's back, as it were.

FastWindow Sun 22-May-16 03:01:14

agent i was thinking the stealth blanket too but didn't want the dh getting too covered.

Definitely squeeze a cover of some sort through whatever crack there is in the door. For moral high ground.

herecomethepotatoes Sun 22-May-16 03:03:43


"Can you maneuver a blanket around the door? (which will also be evidence of your care of him should he start up with the 'nobody loves me' line when he wakes up with the mother of all hangovers)."


Again, if he is feeling like that then small things mean a lot.

MyFriendsCallMeOh Sun 22-May-16 03:05:24

Oh and whisky and red wine ..... He'll be feeling very sorry for himself all day tomorrow, it's an horrific combination.

VimFuego101 Sun 22-May-16 03:24:30

Yep, whiskey and red wine are about the worst drinks for making people depressed and self-pitying! I would leave him in the bathroom, because he will probably feel horrific in the morning and want to be near a loo. Just leave him a big glass of water within reach...

Whyiseverynameitryinuse Sun 22-May-16 03:44:02

I was mostly worried if he slept all night on the floor he'd be in pain tomorrow. Wouldn't have been able to get a blanket through the gap. At any rate, I heard the snoring stop at 3ish, went up and could hear him moving, so asked if he was ok. No reply, but eventually could hear him cleaning his teeth etc. So I asked through if he could let me in at some point as I needed the loo (we only have the one bathroom and he'd been passed out in there a while). He told me he didn't 'fucking care' what I wanted. He did eventually come out (without his clothes), and I went in and found all his clothes are in the bath and smell of pee. Then, when I came out realised he has now barricaded me out of our bedroom. Think he's sleeping at least. Feeling pretty shit a this point but I'm going to try to sleep (as opposed to curling up in a ball and crying).

Thanks again for replies, nice not to feel utterly alone even at 3 in the morning.

Hidingtonothing Sun 22-May-16 03:55:18

Just sending you a hug and offering a hand to hold if you need it OP, what a horrible night you've had sad Has he ever been like this before? Hope you manage to get some sleep flowers

SaltyMyDear Sun 22-May-16 04:01:00

He barricaded you out of your own bedroom?

That's dreadful.

What's your relationship like normally?

And how often does he get this drunk?

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