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I know I should look at the rationally but it's so hard 😢

(25 Posts)
Fluffyflump Sat 21-May-16 19:45:13

My first thread and i know I am probably being unreasonable. Ex has told me that him and his new girlfriend are taking our 5 yr old abroad for 10days! I dont know how to deal with this. We haven't been together for years and have no feelings for him at all ( we have a good relationship for the sake of our child) but I am so anxious about being away from my child for that long. I know I probably just need to get a life, but can anyone give me hints and tips on how to deal with this. Thankssmile

Dottydressisnice Sat 21-May-16 19:58:13

I don't I'm afraid, but hope someone else will see this if I bump it up

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 21-May-16 20:00:24

Does he have enough custody to just say that?

What does dd think about this plan?

neonrainbow Sat 21-May-16 20:02:06

It was bound to happen one day.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 21-May-16 20:02:37

Of course it's going to be difficult, I feel for you.

Cam you use the free time for yourself? Go somewhere you can't with a child?

emilybrontescorset Sat 21-May-16 20:03:13

Does he usually spend several days with dc alone?
Has he asked your child if they want to go?
Does your dc know the gf fairly well?

DelphiniumBlue Sat 21-May-16 20:04:06

Just tell him what you've told us.
I think 10 days away from mum is probably a bit too long for a 5 year old; I was uncomfortable leaving my boys with their dad ( to whom I am still married) for half that time.
In your case, the fact that there's a new girlfriend complicates the issue. How does D's feel about it? Do you think that Ex will look after him properly?
Might've worth suggesting a shorter trip first to make sure everything works OK.

Janefromuptheshops Sat 21-May-16 20:06:40

It's so hard OP. I really struggle with having DC far away for long periods of time. It's a very unnatural feeling.

There's nothing you can do about it though.

EatShitDerek Sat 21-May-16 20:11:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 21-May-16 20:14:25

Try to remember that it's in the interest of your dd that she gets to enjoy and experience great things in childhood with those who love her most.

I would find this hard too so why not see if she can Ft or call you 5 days in to tell you how she is getting on

Catmuffin Sat 21-May-16 20:17:35

If you had a new boyfriend op, i would suggest you go away for a shorter time at first with your chikd to see how it went. Actually I would suggest you wait a bit before introducing a new boyfriend. So i see your concerns. How long has he been away from you before?

Fluffyflump Sat 21-May-16 20:19:24

Thanks all, it's booked so can't change the amount of time! I know I just have to get on with it. I have tried to be all supportive (through gritted teeth) by buying sun cream and holiday clothes but deep down I want to burn the passport!! grin
Friends have suggested a night out with vast quantities of gin which I will probably take them up on!

EatShitDerek Sat 21-May-16 20:22:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Sat 21-May-16 20:42:44

I understand your feelings totally. But if you're all on good terms, I'd definitely welcome 10 days child free. It'll be good for both of you.

Make plans. Get together with friends. Go to the movies. Or, binge Netflix shows with lots of swears. Get your hair did.

It'll be fun. I'm already jealous.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 21-May-16 20:44:42

does he not need your consent?

Not ofcourse that I'm suggesting you would be right to withhold it,but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to take the risk of not being allowed to board my flight and losing the cost of it because I didn't have permision

wheresthel1ght Sat 21-May-16 20:51:42

I would plan lots of things wth girlfriends etc that you can't do normally and enjoy some grown up time! Keep yourself busy and maybe ask your ex to arrange time everyday for your Skype/FaceTime with your child.

Oly5 Sat 21-May-16 20:56:52

If he's a good dad then you should absolutely let your child go.
You made this child together, you should parent together.
It would be unreasonable to stop this just because YOU feel stressed.
Drink the gin and enjoy the time with pals

Buggers Sat 21-May-16 20:59:20

Just focus on how much fun your child will have and squeeze as many lie ins as you can while their away wink

Fluffyflump Sat 21-May-16 21:01:49

i can't and won't stop him taking our child away! He is a great dad, and we do actually get on and co-parent really well (most of the time) and are friends! Face timing everyday would definitely put my mind at ease will suggest it!! thanks again

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 21-May-16 21:03:23

Then do the right thing and if he requires formal written permision make sure he has it

Fluffyflump Sat 21-May-16 21:05:26

A lie in, now that's something I haven't had in a very long time!

Fluffyflump Sat 21-May-16 21:07:12

I don't know what you mean by do the right thing! I was never going to stop the holiday! Why would he need written permission?

RandomMess Sat 21-May-16 21:13:51

I think that face timing may not be great, it will mean that you are getting yourself anxious waiting to speak to her and they will feel like their holiday revolves around your need to be in touch with DD.

Absolutely chat to your ex and ask if he thinks it would be workable - perhaps an early daytime facetime would be better so you're not waiting all day?

I think you just need to think how would you feel if you were on holiday with DD and a new partner and everything got put on hold whilst she spoke to her Dad.

flowers because I remember the first times my eldest went away with her Dad, it was very odd.

MammaTJ Sat 21-May-16 21:29:41

I think unless there are really good reasons not to, it would be a great experience for your child, so suck it up!

It will be hard, no doubt about it! It is always hard though, when they go to uni, when they leave home totally, when they get married. We all cope, because we have to!

If he said he was going and not taking your child, I get the feeling you would be moaning about him not caring about them and going on holiday!

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 21-May-16 21:38:27

I don't know what you mean by do the right thing! I was never going to stop the holiday! Why would he need written permission?

I have at no time implied you would stop him.

You said he informed you that he was taking her, you also do not appear to have any clue about any requirements placed on parents traveling with children without the other parent and given that he just informed you it would imply that neither does he.

If you do not have certain court orders in place then if one parent takes the child out of the country they need written consent from the other and any other party who holds PR.
Whilst being stopped and asked to show it is not guaranteed many people travel and don't get asked to show it, where possible it is sensible to have it just incase because if you are stopped and don't have it they can refuse you permision to board.

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