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to not tidy up for my husband?

(9 Posts)
greebstreebling Sat 21-May-16 13:00:26

We're essentially separated although he still lives in my house. He's just had a death in the family, a cousin, who I don't know. And now lots of his friends and family want to descend them on our very small house. We only have one sitting room downstairs. It's currently an unbelievable mess, because I've hurt my lower back, and haven't been able to do any tidying up for about a week now. He is suffering from his own health problems and currently has a bandaged leg and is basically refusing to do any clearing up.

The culture that we both come from basically see it's the woman's responsibility to do clearing up. He has previously used the messy state of the house as some kind of thing against me to prove that I'm a bad wife bad mother.
Our son who is six has ASD and isn't really very good around lots of people and this will mean I will have to leave the house with him anyway or stay upstairs while these people are here. Which is really hacking me off. But am I being unreasonable for not going back to tidy up?

OurBlanche Sat 21-May-16 13:23:06

Sod them all! Take your son somewhere he will enjoy and leave them all to it.

You are separated... regardless of any situation, you have to actually be separate at some point. You don't have to continue to be a good wife, especially if that costs you, physically, emotionally or financially.

ImperialBlether Sat 21-May-16 13:26:23

How long would they be there for? Would your son cope if you went to a hotel for a couple of nights?

DoreenLethal Sat 21-May-16 13:42:41

We're essentially separated although he still lives in my house.

Now's the time then to get him to find his own house to live in.

greebstreebling Sat 21-May-16 14:23:49

They'll probably just visit during the day, they won't be staying over. It's just not knowing who is going to come and when. Plus, my son usually doesn't wear any clothes at home so that's also a potential issue.

I've asked him several times to leave and he changes his reply every time I ask him but basically they are

"You're the one with the problem, you go"
"I'll find somewhere to live eventually"
"There's nowhere for me to go"
"I want the money I put into the house"
"I'm not leaving my children"

SquinkiesRule Sat 21-May-16 14:51:27

You need to see a lawyer and move things along if he is refusing to leave the house.
I'd go out with your Ds and avoid him/his family/the mess.

greebstreebling Sat 21-May-16 14:54:59

I can't afford a lawyer. I got advice from one who said that I couldn't make him leave anyway and he'd be entitled to half of everything anyway.

Oysterbabe Sat 21-May-16 15:01:12

The house is a marital asset so he will be entitled to something.

Oysterbabe Sat 21-May-16 15:01:44

But no, yanbu.

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