to be a bit miffed at my friend?

(6 Posts)
susannahmoodie Sat 21-May-16 07:41:55

I have two friends who I have known for 10 years and met at work.  We were all starting out in our careers.  Since then I have made progress and moved on and so I am now in a senior position. I have also had 2 dcs in that time.  My friends have stayed in the same workplaces and positions for 8-9 years or so.  We try to meet up and go out for dinner every few months but I am increasingly finding these outings a bit of a chore.  All they do is moan about how miserable they are at work, and I find myself running out of patience and sympathy with them as I can't understand why they have stayed where they are for so long if they are so unhappy.  Each evening just becomes very depressing as they have more and more negative stories to share about work. 

Last time it took on another dimension when they asked how my new  job was going.  They told me that they would hate to have to do my job, they 'couldn't imagine anything worse' and also that they couldn't possibly understand how I could combine it with my dcs as they are both childless and find their jobs hard enough, and if they had dcs they would have to go pt or leave altogether.  Maybe I'm over sensitive but I really don't like the "I don't know how you do it?" Comments as I feel like the implication is I must be rubbish at work and as a mum!.....Last time I came away feeling a bit hurt and like I wouldn't continue to meet up with them as they are so exhaustingly negative.  

Fast forward a couple of months and I've just had a message from one of them explaining that she is applying for a job similar to mine and do I have any tips.....can't help feeling a bit perplexed.  I'm happy to give her advice but a part of me wants to say how hurt I was by the comments last time and I'm surprised at her decision in light of those comments....wwyd? 

AddToBasket Sat 21-May-16 07:44:05

I would be helpful to the friend applying for a job. She was/is a bit jealous of you - and at least she's decided to do something about it.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 21-May-16 07:46:56

Yabu - friends can get together for a moan and I don't see them being jealous at all!

If you don't like the moaning then change the subject

Marmalady75 Sat 21-May-16 07:47:37

I'd be a bit miffed too, but I would give her a few tips. After all she is your friend for a reason. If you don't help her now I would imagine that would be the end of your friendship.

Daffodil90 Sat 21-May-16 07:51:00

Sounds like they were actually a bit jealous of your position and felt the need to defend the fact they hadn't moved on by saying they couldn't ever imagine doing it.

Id help her out with tips but I'd also say 'didn't think you wanted a job like mine?!' In a suprised but actually wanting a response tone.

I hate when people comment like that so YWBU to tell her to do one either!

CoraPirbright Sat 21-May-16 09:10:44

I would slightly alter your last paragraph & send that. Does need pointing out that they were quite rude! Btw they are just jealous of your life & some people do really enjoy a good moan. If you find it tedious (I don't like being around such unremitting negativity) then I would start to detach.

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