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Would you say these parents were being unreasonable or a bit stupid?

(71 Posts)
katemiddletonsnudeheels Sat 21-May-16 07:14:13

Another thread just reminded me of this - just wanted to get a 'MN' perspective.

On holiday in turkey with a teenage daughter (15) who is a bit self conscious. Teenage daughter is targeted by local men. Parents find it absolutely hilarious and roar with laughter every time this happens. Daughter is sexually assaulted whilst standing next to her parents on public transport and feels unable to tell them.

On final day of holiday local man asks daughter for date. Parents squeal with delight whooping and laughing (it isn't 'serious', they have no intention of sending daughter on date) but make daughter pose for a photograph with 'suitor.'

Are parents fucking stupid or what? angry

ineedamoreadultieradult Sat 21-May-16 07:15:15

Yes

mrsfuzzy Sat 21-May-16 07:15:31

total morons.

DoItTooJulia Sat 21-May-16 07:16:16

Were you the teenager?

Upwiththelark53 Sat 21-May-16 07:16:32

Yes

bridgetoc Sat 21-May-16 07:17:54

If what you are saying is accurate and true, I would describe the parents behaviour as very odd!

timelytess Sat 21-May-16 07:18:11

Stupid and unable to deal with their daughter being an adult female.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Sat 21-May-16 07:18:34

It was me, DoIt (nearly called you Dolt then, good thing I double checked!)

Weirdly, I think I'd all but forgotten that but a thread about holiday destinations made me remember - I just don't honestly know WTF they were thinking.

sooperdooper Sat 21-May-16 07:20:03

Stupid, and bullying behaviour from the parents sad

penguinplease Sat 21-May-16 07:22:30

Awful.. I was in Turkey with my very tall, very blonde but very young daughter last year and we had lots of inappropriate interest aimed at her.. No way was it funny or anything to make her feel awkward about.
I found it to be quotes scary just how irrelevant her age was. Won't be going back there, was a lovely place but far too stressful.

Sorry if your post is the experience you had. I can imagine it's hard to forgive that.

penguinplease Sat 21-May-16 07:22:57

Quite not quotes... Damn phone

DoItTooJulia Sat 21-May-16 07:28:16

Ah, katem that's not at all nice.

Do you get on with your parents now?

katemiddletonsnudeheels Sat 21-May-16 07:31:12

They're dead now - that was the last holiday I had with them IIRC. They (more my mum really) were a bit weird about relationships generally. My brother mentioned something once about not wanting to bring a girlfriend home.

DoItTooJulia Sat 21-May-16 07:37:31

Sorry *katem did you forgive them? There's a very fine line between delighting in your dc's embarrassment and being unkind.

Was it a one off for you? Or was this how your adolescence was?

katemiddletonsnudeheels Sat 21-May-16 07:40:39

Honestly, I have very few clear memories of adolescence and the memories I do have feel 'unfair' as I remember things that 'stand out' so I think I have disproportionate memories of the crap stuff.

So I probably had a holiday where things were fine for the full two weeks but there was one row in the middle and I remember the row if you see what I mean.

But that holiday - I was 15, a young woman - and being treated like it was a five year old boy and five year old girl playing kiss chase and they were grown men, well into their thirties I think. It really wasn't funny and could have been dangerous.

DoItTooJulia Sat 21-May-16 07:44:52

Yes, it could have been dangerous. And 15 is such a tender age. I wonder why they did it?

Do you have dc's?

Ditsy4 Sat 21-May-16 07:50:26

Awful. They should have been protecting you. Totally inappropriate response and at 15 you would be squirming with embarrassment.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Sat 21-May-16 08:03:27

I've always been a bit useless with relationships, Julia can't imagine why grin

SlatternIsTrying Sat 21-May-16 08:07:35

How awful for you. I was a late developer in respect of 'dealings' with boys and would not have had a clue what to do in those circumstances, that's when a parent is supposed to step in and either deal with it (my DM has a death stare that Vader would be proud of) or at least help the child in dealing with it themselves.

As you say, at those ages it wasn't 'cute', it could have been dangerous.

ricketytickety Sat 21-May-16 08:15:05

Horrid but I think that some people aren't equipped to handle these things very well and recognise them for what they are. Back then I remember teen girls (friends) being asked how many camels their parents were offered as it was so common. It was all one big joke. But to us teens it was like being thrown to the wolves.

It is dysfunctional but sadly I think fairly common back then.

ForeverLivingMyArse Sat 21-May-16 08:22:40

I had a very similar break in Turkey at that age. My parents actually had to swap hotel rooms with sister and I on a trip one evening as the guide kept phoning our room asking us to come for drinks. We were followed, grabbed and lowered over.

It was horrific. Mum and dad were quite taken aback and very protective although there was the initial laughing it off trade for camel jokes at the start.

Bolograph Sat 21-May-16 08:24:53

Teenage daughter is targeted by local men.

I was in Turkey with my very tall, very blonde but very young daughter last year and we had lots of inappropriate interest aimed at her.. No way was it funny or anything to make her feel awkward about.

It sounds a lovely place to take one's teenage daughters on holiday. Cheap, sunny and filled with misogyny. Delightful.

ShebaShimmyShake Sat 21-May-16 08:26:58

Yes, parents are dangerous morons.

blitheringbuzzards1234 Sat 21-May-16 08:27:05

I think this is awful -it makes me wonder if the parents are worse than ignorant - do they get off on this sort of thing? Or do they not take it seriously as they don't believe that sexual assault really happens?
I know an unbelievably naive older lady who always said that 'these sorts of things didn't happen in my day' (sexual assault of minors) and staunchly kept this up until the Jimmy Savile business. Then she was astonished, 'Oh it really did happen, after all!'
We all need parents who believe us and offer support if 'this sort of thing' happens.

Bolograph Sat 21-May-16 08:32:22

Yes, parents are dangerous morons.

One of the things I hated about having pubescent daughters was other parents, both fathers and mothers, being leery about either my children or their own. The endless encouraging of boyfriends, talk about clothes and makeup as a way to attract boys in an entirely inappropriate way, and (in the limit) the sort of shit the OP posts about. It also appeared that the people who could see paedophiles around every corner were the same people who basically wanted to pimp their children to every passing boy. It's heteronormative, sees women as positioned only by their relationships with men, sends a message that education and achievement is secondary to "finding a man" and is generally vile.

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