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SIL demands?

(67 Posts)
OhYouAhole Sat 21-May-16 00:22:33

So, me and my DH were falling asleep on the sofa the other night, him because he'd just done his last of four night shifts in a row and me because I can't remember what sleep is (9week old baby), when a little ping came from his phone, signalling a Facebook message.

It was his Sisters SO And they were very angry with myself and DH.

Here is my little back story; I have four DC's. 3 primary school age and two DC's have ASD and so we are plagued with various appointments and therapies always, daily life with work and kids and obviously a baby keeps you busy, DH works 12 hour nights every weekend for shit wages and generally, life is hectic. On top of this DH and I were both dumbshits silly with credit when we were younger so we're broke as hell, which we have been for a few years now and it's no secret to DH's family.

Anyway, DSIL is a bit precious, MIL's favourite, and a few weeks ago had a DD... Here's why They were mad:

DH didn't comment "congratulations" or like the Facebook announcement of her DD's birth.

Come to think of it, DH doesn't like or comment on any of the pictures of their DS or DD! And he doesn't make the 70 odd mile trip regularly to go visit them in their home they decided to move to away from the rest of their family! He should have been down there to visit their DD and-her words-they don't care that our DC's have ASD and that DH works or that the DC's have to be dropped off and picked up from school at set times when DH is off-or even that we can't afford to go back and too via train to them every week, we should damn well go and see the new baby! And of course, they like and comment on all the pictures of our DC's that I put on Facebook, and I'm on Facebook all the time! Why can't we just like and comment!!!

Yep, everything kept coming back to likes and comments on Facebook.

Now, I'll give them one thing, DH hasn't texted or facebooked his sis about her DD's arrival. But I did from both of us after the last time she pulled this shit when her DS was younger. They never even told us the kid was borne. I found out the day after when MIL called to inform gloat about it. because this isn't the first time this argument has come up and I'm not a people person, but DH asked me not to be a twat to leave it alone to keep the peace last time.

I only just ooh and aah over my own children, I'm not arsed about other peoples. Sorry not sorry but I'm just not at all a maternal person outside my own DC's and DH is a real life interacted rather than an Internet socialiser.

They work part time off and on between them and live mostly on benefits, and of course they only had one child until a few weeks ago so they pass our own struggles off as unimportant.

MIL reckons DH needs to get his shit together and step up as an uncle because it's upsetting, don't you know, for a new mum to be stressed like this (hmm hi there, I just had a baby a few weeks previous to your precious) and take money we don't have to buy a train ticket ( hmm) on a Monday after he finishes work to go visit SIL and come back ready for his night shift (hmm) and only take baby DD who is EBF, without me though because I'm not invited, so I can handle the school runs and the two baby cousins can be BFF's

So, AIBU to want to tell DSIL to get a grip and shove Facebook where the son don't shine? And tell MIL to get buggered?

I have a bunch of sisters who I talk to once a month at a busy time and I have 16 nephew a and nieces between them lot who I don't like or comment on every picture of on blooming Facebook either.

LotsOfShoes Sat 21-May-16 00:29:57

Yabu. What kind of brother doesn't congratulate his sister on the birth of her child? And you sound pretty nasty to be honest. And yes, if I hadn't received a phone call or a message or at least facebook message (all of which take a minute or less to do) after my child was born, I'd be pretty upset.

LotsOfShoes Sat 21-May-16 00:31:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WorraLiberty Sat 21-May-16 00:31:34

See this sort of shit really gives women a bad name.

Amongst all of this drama and back biting, are any of the men involved more than a tiny bit bothered?

As much as I hate all the Facebook drama llamas (who again, sadly seem to be mostly female), if your DH can't be bothered to simply tap out a few letters like 'congratulations' in a text message, after his niece was born weeks ago, I can understand why the parents might be a bit pissed off.

OhYouAhole Sat 21-May-16 00:39:43

I am quite a bitch to be fair. I'm not sociable at all by choice and DH is an aspie. He doesn't get social interaction unless he's looking you in the face. Point being, he asked me to type the congrats (while he was getting dressed for work) and SIL and SO expect him-and they literally said this-to consider her and her children above his own and his job.

And yes, honestly it's real, all over Facebook likes and commend-or lack there of I should say.

ollieplimsoles Sat 21-May-16 00:42:21

'step up as an uncle'


'Son, you need to step up and be an uncle to these damn kids, it doesn't matter you are run to the ground with your four kids, a job and a stressful appointment schedule, this is your famalieeee'

Christ, some mils...

GraysAnalogy Sat 21-May-16 00:43:50

He should have texted. No one is too busy to text. Instead he got you to do it for him. Sorry but that's not good enough. I'd be so sad if my brothers didn't even contact me properly.

The other things well I don't think YABU. But he should have got in touch

WorraLiberty Sat 21-May-16 00:48:26

So he couldn't be arsed to type congratulations - 15 letters??

I can see why they have a problem with that.

Pinkheart5915 Sat 21-May-16 00:49:05

why couldn't your DH find 10 seconds to type out a congratulations text for his sister confused

All of it sounds quite trivial to me

Taylor22 Sat 21-May-16 00:49:49

He has absolutely zero obligation to his sisters children. He's providing for his family and so he's doing well.
I would reply, even though you should probably ignore, explaining that he's been busy but just so you don't cause them anymore distress he's going to take a big step back from them.
Also if MiL tries talking that crap again he should tell her the only kids he's responsible for are the ones he created.

AyeAmarok Sat 21-May-16 00:56:33

You don't like her, clearly, so why does it matter?

You sound a little bit jealous IMO.

Iknownuffink Sat 21-May-16 00:56:34

Ignore and get off of FB.

ollieplimsoles Sat 21-May-16 00:56:50

Taylor22 I thank you, lets have a wine

OhYouAhole Sat 21-May-16 01:02:16

Lol didn't ask if he was being unreasonable, we're all aware that he should've said it himself. I'm asking if the fact that their argument is over Facebook likes and comments and the demands to stuff his job and responsibilities and make his way up their to see them were unreasonable.

I wouldn't mind so much if she ever made an effort to keep in touch with him. They are both the same. Only contact each other when they want something doing. She doesn't bother, neither does he. They don't even have each other's phone numbers and haven't for years FGS. She comes to town often to visit FIL and doesn't even tell DH so they could maybe get together and both go coo over DC's But he's the one in the wrong for not dropping everything to run up there to see her.

That's my opinion, but I'm not that close to my siblings.

OhYouAhole Sat 21-May-16 01:07:19

I quite like my Facebook though. I go to great length to stay away from drama. This is over DH's Facebook which he has since got rid of.

And no, not jealous. Before this me and her actually started getting on quite well.

I don't like MIL though if that's any conciliation. We have a mutual frenamy thing going on

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 21-May-16 01:08:00

Jeez. You have enough family to be handling. Duck out. He's responsible for his family.
Every gripe you get? Reply with "I''ve told DP smile"

Originalfoogirl Sat 21-May-16 01:11:39

If my husband was "an aspie" (really? 🤔). And he asked me to text my sister to congratulate her (strange he is socially aware enough to know the message should be sent). I'd be suggesting to him, no, that text needs to come from you. Better still, I'd be reminding him as soon as we had the news that he needs to send a text. My husband had no such social issues but I still remind him to text his brother on his birthday.

I'm afraid your whole post reads as "we're both wrapped up in our own lives and can't be arsed with anybody expecting us to extend the slightest courtesy to them".

Everyone is busy, everyone has their own problems, but most of us realise we still have to interact with the outside world when the situation demands it.

OhYouAhole Sat 21-May-16 01:18:59

What's wrong with aspie? It's his term not mine-and I'll leave what is socially right or wrong for such a thing between him and his doctor, all I know is what I see and that's how he is.

Bogeyface Sat 21-May-16 01:24:38

Did she drop everything to come and visit his new child?

I suspect not.

Block them on your FB, ignore MIL and move on. Frankly some people are so far up their own arses they deserve to be treated as they treat others.

Bogeyface Sat 21-May-16 01:25:22

Oh and word to the wise, never post on AIBU on a weekend evening, you get the winos out in force.....

OhYouAhole Sat 21-May-16 01:26:01

Now that is something I am jealous of! I miss wine...

GraysAnalogy Sat 21-May-16 01:29:46

There's nothing wrong with aspie. In fact it's a prefered term for many people with aspergers so if your husband choses to identify with that word don't feel like you need to explain it.

i still think he should have spoke to his sister, one text could have potentially avoided this

GraysAnalogy Sat 21-May-16 01:30:40

Disclaimer: I may be one of the winos bogey speaks about but sshh.

OhYouAhole Sat 21-May-16 01:38:41

You are correct* Grays* it could have. Unfortunately he doesn't think that way. I understand SIL's irk over him not congratulating from his own account but in his head "you did it for me so what's the issue" so I'm stuck in the middle.

It just feels so pathetic that the main focus is Facebook and that I get dragged into it every time and I just CBA with it all, as another person said, I'm too wrapped up in my own life, damn right I am grin

GraysAnalogy Sat 21-May-16 01:41:48

Perhaps this could be a learning curve for him then. Its weird how if this is how he usually behaves that his sisters don't understand it. Next time perhaps you could say that he needs to do these things himself. Don't get stuck in the middle, let him deal with the problem he has made

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