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emotionally blackmailed into being his friend

(14 Posts)
Tobeavsangel Fri 20-May-16 18:46:57

Try to make this as short as possible. I went through a very bad time, break up, signed off work and many other things.

I stupidly signed up to pof. This guy messaged me a lot and we decided to meet up (he lived 10/15 mins away) and take his dog for a walk. It was made very clear from me this was just friends,

We also went to the cinema a week later.

Hes been through a lot and lost his job so i know hes going through a hard time but he started texting me saying hes crying and he wants to end his life.

Hes text me this a few times and that hes given up on life.

He lives with family ... and hes mentioned being out with friends to me before so hes not alone.

I tried to help and got it thrown back at me.

Hes text me 2 days ago saying he gives up on life.

I'm finding it too much. I'm trying to get my own life back (which he knows about) and I feel like hes trying to make me feel responsible for his well being... It makes me feel sick in the pit of my stomach.

A person I met twice is making me full of dread and worry and I feel like if I said please leave me alone I would really upset him. Aibu and a bitch?

myownprivateidaho Fri 20-May-16 18:48:29

No, yanbu, he is being emotionally abusive. You should cut him off. Sorry this is happening to you.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 20-May-16 18:51:27

Send him the tel no for the Samaritans or alternatively tell him if he threatens it once more you will have no choice to call 999 who will then pay a visit and decide if he needs sectioning

AgeOfEarthquakes Fri 20-May-16 18:51:35

God no YANBU. You shouldn't put up with this shit from someone you have a 20 year history with let alone someone you've met twice! Block him immediately and forget him. Do it now. You owe him nothing.

Muddlewitch Fri 20-May-16 19:01:12

Absolutely not, give him the number of the Samaritans or a local support charity and tell him you are not able to help as it's not your remit.

No one has a right to a relationship of any kind with anyone else, whatever problems he has you have no obligation to him.

WalkingBlind Fri 20-May-16 19:46:59

Sounds like he's trying to guilt you into being more than friends. As a genuinely depressed person for many years it's not something "we do". That's an attention seeking ploy

It must be awful, I've had people do it to me before. First time I will send Samaritans number, I will ignore them after that unless it becomes harassing or rude then I say I will ring them an ambulance (and actually do it if you have written evidence of what they're saying, they'll shit themselves)

Iflyaway Fri 20-May-16 19:57:30

Aibu and a bitch?

No. Not at all.

But by asking this you need to work on your own boundaries and not let randoms you've met twice get to you like this.

Iflyaway Fri 20-May-16 20:06:20

give him the number of the Samaritans or a local support charity

I don't agree with this either. Because it is not OP's problem either way. (I bet he's heard of the Samaritans). That is just telling him she wants to be involved in his MH problems, exactly what he wants to hear.

OP wrote: I feel like hes trying to make me feel responsible for his well being... It makes me feel sick in the pit of my stomach.

OP. Tell him you will pass on his nr. to the police/emergency services with his message. Be done with it and be thankful for your lucky escape from this nutter him.

GloGirl Fri 20-May-16 20:10:24

"I'm sorry you are hurting right now and life seems so bleak, but I am not the one who can help you through it. If you are struggling please call the Samaritans on 116 123 and see your doctor."

Then block, remove, delete, hide, ban - whatever you need to do on your mobile, POF, Facebook or wherever else he is connected to you. Don't give him any more of your energy. Make sure you never see another message of his.

Okay377 Fri 20-May-16 20:12:10

I think it's ok to send a helpline number. Once. 'I can't talk as I have a lot going on at the moment which means I won't be replying to messages. Suggest you call xxx if you're in need of help, or talk to friends and family. Best wishes.' And then don't reply to any further communication. YANBU and are definitely not a bitch. He is not your responsibility.

fastdaytears Fri 20-May-16 20:12:14

GloGirl is right. Tell him who he can talk to and then vanish. Does he know where you live? Hopefully not!

This is not right. You know that.

Okay377 Fri 20-May-16 20:13:21

Or what glo said.

Iflyaway Fri 20-May-16 20:16:23

Friend of mine a couple of weeks ago told me he was being harassed by a woman (he's gay) who claimed he was her saviour/best friend/blah blah.

She was sending him texts to say she was going to kill herself if he didn't respond/meet up right now, etc. He phoned the police with the info because he was at work and is a good guy. And aware enough that it was a ploy too, but still worried.

Police went round. She was FURIOUS with him. Tells you everything.

JonSnowsBeardClippings Fri 20-May-16 21:26:13

Look - if you are seriously questioning whether it's ok to cut this basically complete stranger off then you really shouldn't be dating.
You owe him nothing. You owe every other guy you date a few times nothing, beyond basic courtesy. This man does not deserve basic courtesy because he has treated you very badly. Please say he doesn't know where you live?

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