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to fantasise about taking out a double page spread?!

(15 Posts)
LauderSyme Fri 20-May-16 15:32:17

Sorry for long story. This is an edit of a pp, apologies and thanks.

I grew up without knowing my natural father, and believed he never knew of my existence.

I was eventually able to trace him and wrote to him. He agreed to meet me and we had lunch ten times or so, every other month.

My son was aged one at the time and I had decided not to return to work after maternity leave. As a single parent I claimed benefits. This was my first break in employment for 20 years.

My father told me that he had met me as a baby and wondered if I was his. He said that when my letter arrived in the post, his wife revealed she had always known about me. I asked him none of the hard questions I wanted to; I was treading softly.

My acquaintanceship with him ended when he texted me to say that his family did not want to meet me because both of his grown up children were buying houses, and the stamp duty they paid was keeping me "without the inconvenience of getting your arse out of bed in the morning". He told me I was not contributing and to come back to him when I had a job.

I am still in the full time job I got six weeks after my son started school. I enjoy working and my son is happy and thriving. We have strong ties with my family and life is good, but 3 years later I still have this daydream about taking out a double page spread in the Telegraph (which he reads) and asking him whether I have paid enough tax yet. AIBU?

Pinkheart5915 Fri 20-May-16 15:36:44

Firstly well done on getting a job, Good to hear your son is happy and doing well at school.

It's awful to hear how your father treated you. He was very rude and if that's how he feels your better off without him around.

No I don't think your unreasonable to fantasies about taking out a double page spread for him to read.

situatedknowledge Fri 20-May-16 15:39:07

He's clearly not worth it, but what a great idea!

KP86 Fri 20-May-16 16:49:04

Did he contribute financially to your upbringing? If not, how did he feel about the taxpayer funding that?

Doesn't sound like a nice man at all.

ollieplimsoles Fri 20-May-16 16:51:03

You need to get him back in some way, I would...

Simpsonsaddict Fri 20-May-16 16:58:44

You've been treated appallingly! I don't even know where to start - you were a single mum with a young son and they thought you were lying in bed all day?? I'm sorry your natural father turned out to be a dick, I'm sure you were better off without him.

I'd be so tempted to send a letter updating them on everything, tell them you're working full time, then when they suggest a meeting tell them to get lost! But it would just make them feel like they were right, when they aren't.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom Fri 20-May-16 18:14:54

What KP86 said.

Very, very rarely I used to think about tracing my father. I have to say I'm glad I didn't - if he'd been that fussed he could have found me easily, especially these days with Facebook.

If it wasn't for legal concerns (I dunno, slander or something - I'm no lawyer) I'd gladly contribute to the cost of the double page spread. What a bellend that man (and my own father) is.

Funclesmuck Fri 20-May-16 18:29:44

Yanbu just for the fact he reads the telegraph! Seriously though, get on with your life, you sound like you've done amazingly well with him and his 'very well adjusted' sons. ( but also if you want to do it I will contribute grin )

Funclesmuck Fri 20-May-16 18:30:07

*without him!!

acasualobserver Fri 20-May-16 19:30:21

Well, don't waste your money on that double-page spread - a letter (2nd class stamp) would do the job as well. Your question to him is a very fair one, IMO. What a bastard.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Fri 20-May-16 19:35:44

I'm sure his younger DCs have enjoyed the benefit of paternal financial contribution throughout their lives, whereas given that you had to trace him, your DM probably didn't get any maintenance and would have had to claim what she could as a result of his desertion. YANBU to resent them. Get back in touch and tell him to fuck right off.

ProjectPerfect Fri 20-May-16 20:17:33

I remember your original post - was it three years ago?!

You are much better of without those people in your life and of course the best revenge is living well, which you clearly are, but I get how tempting it must be to stick two fingers up at him

LauderSyme Sat 21-May-16 18:14:57

Thank you for all replies. No, my father never contributed financially - except he did buy me more lunches than I bought him!

It's less about sticking up two fingers, I think, more about wanting to confront him with the unfairness of his treatment of me (and then move on to a place where it doesn't matter any more).

I did respond by text at the time, thanking him for the opportunity to put a face to his name and to know what manner of man my father is.

I may also have also assured him - courteously but histrionically - that I would not be coming back to him once in employment.

In the end, as his daughter, I feel it is better to know than not know at all.

MizK Sat 21-May-16 18:21:26

Lauder words fail me. What a revolting way for him to treat his child. I will never, never, never understand how some parents can be so detached.

If it makes you feel better, text him with your achievements and remind him that he is the type of deadbeat dad most commonly featured on daytime TV shows. Perhaps ask about a nice cheque for backdated maintenance? As a responsible member of society, the thought of letting the state help to feed and clothe you in his absence must have been really playing on his mind.

Your achievements are a credit to you and the lovely family who support you. Fuck his opinion.
(My dad is a joke too, feel your pain.)

DefinitelyNotAJourno Sat 21-May-16 19:22:38

The rate card is at : i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02855/Advertising-Rate-C_2855621a.pdf

A full page is £48,000 - do you have £96,000 to spend on an advert?!

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