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AIBU?

What would you think of this?

24 replies

sockrage · 19/05/2016 23:16

DD is good at school and never in trouble. She is quiet mostly. In the past six weeks she has been the victim of certain incidents in school. All with witness and one serious enough to result in the expulsion of a child. The senior leadership team were rather off with me during the process.

Last week there was another serious incident in which dd was hurt. The school are now saying that dd did not report the incident to either the TA or other staff member. DD is insistent she did and has said so to them. She isn't the type of child to challenge a teacher as being wrong usually. She does have a history of not reporting incidents but she has always said she hasn't where as she is insistent she did this time.

School are standing by their stance that they didn't see anything, she didn't report it and it didn't happen.

DD had a mark, missed her self defence class as it was hurting and asked for painkillers.

Aibu to feel a bit suspicious by it all.

OP posts:

Report

EveryoneElsie · 19/05/2016 23:18

YANBU. That sounds awful.
Can you supply her with a gadget that will record sound?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 19/05/2016 23:21

How old is she?

Is she generally honest?

Knows the difference between truth and lies?

I would probably believe her if she is usually honest.

claw12 · 19/05/2016 23:22

Just because school didn't see, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

She might not have reported it to a teacher, but she reported it to you and you have reported it yo school.

Keep reporting each and every incident in writing.

HeresashatinaboxpAt · 19/05/2016 23:29

I think you should believe her I am sorry this happened to her
Similar thing happened to us. I complained via phone to the receptionist this was passed to the teacher involved but incorrectly and ended up with my child being pulled up in front of the class and shouted at for lying... She did not lie the message was not passed on how I said it! I was livid handed in a four page complaint... I was looking for a new school at this point... Was called in to meet with the head... Within days everything was sorted my child was happy and meeting with head every few days to check all was ok! I'm so pleased with the school now!

sockrage · 19/05/2016 23:32

Secondary school.
Is oversensitive if I am honest but the incidents have been serious.
She is usually honest.

She has been accused of over egging an incident before by a staff member who told me dd had said something different to what she had told me when I reported. Unfortunately for school it was another child rather than DD who had reported it to a teacher which backed up dds story.

The child who was expelled was witnessed by other children too and three wrote identical statements almost.

In this case the incident happened in a classroom. DD said the cover teacher commented on what was happening as did the TA but now both saying it didn't happen.

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 19/05/2016 23:35

This is bullying. Along with a failure of duty of care and a failure to safe guard. Both of which are a legal requirement in schools. They're not a moral request. That schools can pick and choose which children they safe guard and which ones they don't.
You go back in the school and tell them you're not happy. If still no joy. Go to the Board of governers, abd Make it clear you want to speak to the safe guarding officer. You have to be your dds voice.
So anything they don't see. Didn't happen
They need to give their heads a wobble, It's a good job. They dont work in the law sector. Imagine them, Oh we didn't see....... Rape and murder that poor defenceless old lady so let him walk free, Good Lord above.

claw12 · 19/05/2016 23:36

It didn't happen or they didn't see it happen? I think there is a difference

CodyKing · 19/05/2016 23:43

Put it in writing and ask for a written response

Ask child to witness it

Actually did that - if she was hurt ring the school community police officer and ask them to sort it -

sockrage · 19/05/2016 23:45

From what I can gather claw they are going with the we didn't see it and she didn't tell us so it didn't happen line of enquiry.

DD said that X was running round the room (creative subject so not sat down) and trying to kick and hit them. (the child has some issues) The kids were running away. The cover teacher told them off for running and the ta told the boy to stop. DD was hurt and told the ta so.

According to school none of the above seems to have happened at all. They have repeatedly told dd that they have spoke to the ta and the ta said no she didn't tell them.

So apparently dd came up with a big story, marked herself, missed an activity she loves at the weekend and took painkillers because it was sore just to follow up this story

OP posts:

claw12 · 19/05/2016 23:56

Doesn't matter if they didn't see it or if she didn't report it to them. Don't bother arguing that point.

Put your dd's account of events in writing to them. The fact she had injuries etc. It happened in a class of what 30 kids. Ask them to reply in writing setting out how they will investigate the matter.

ollieplimsoles · 20/05/2016 00:08

She isn't the type of child to challenge a teacher as being wrong usually

^change this.

And always listen to your child over a teacher, or any member of staff for that matter.

BoatyMcBoat · 20/05/2016 00:16

Believe your child.

It sounds like the ta and teacher are being very defensive, Good luck.

Vixyboo · 20/05/2016 00:45

Believe your dd.

You will never regret believing and supporting her.

I work with children and for a 6 year old to stick with her account and it effect her to the point of missing an activity would prompt me to question the school.

Vixyboo · 20/05/2016 00:46

Ignore the age comment!

CodyKing · 20/05/2016 07:26

She senior school - not 6

sockrage · 20/05/2016 08:51

Thanks all.
I might be over reacting but there have been several incidents of crap pastoral care and a couple of other incidents have been dealt with with senior leadership team one being very serious and involving head and board of governors.

Part of me wonders if they are trying to discredit her so that they poo poo any further complaints from her/me...

She is actually quite fond of the child who hit her and knows he has some issues so i cannot see her picking him to lie about.

School are ringing today apparently.

OP posts:

pilates · 20/05/2016 08:57

Just to repeat, please record all injuries and incidents which your DD has received. In future, put everything in writing/e-mail - they seem to take it more seriously.

Good luck to you and your DD.

claw12 · 20/05/2016 11:13

Follow up every verbal conversation in writing too or you might find they didn't happen either!

'Thank you for phoning to explain X, y, z, just to confirm we agreed X,y, z'

sockrage · 20/05/2016 11:33

Spoke to school this morning.
Apparently they think there is root to all the complaints but dd is 'not seeing hings the same as others'

The teacher did witness an incident and dealt with it. Further incident happened but dd did not report this to teacher and as she usually does now teacher cannot understand if it happened why not.

In the second incident they inapropriate behaviour including lashing out play fighting in the middle of a lesson and other kids running from the child but not the hit resulting in injury.

I don't know what to think tbh!

OP posts:

sockrage · 20/05/2016 11:35

*things
*witnessed

OP posts:

claw12 · 20/05/2016 11:40

Maybe she is a bit more sensitive than others or maybe the others are not being hurt! Hence why she sees it differently!

they can't understand why she didn't report it....maybe because when she does they don't believe her!

So what your dd said was true, play fighting in the class did happen. How do they know she wasn't injuried as a result, if she didn't report it? A class of kids running around fighting, it wouldn't be difficult to miss a child being hurt

sockrage · 20/05/2016 11:46

Well exactly claw.

Anywhere she has to record every single incident in a book now to show to teacher every day. That way they can differentiate between dd being oversensitive to kids being teens versus proper issues.

At least that is something.

OP posts:

sockrage · 20/05/2016 11:46

*anyway

Sorry i have clearly lost any ability to type today!

OP posts:

claw12 · 20/05/2016 11:57

Again at who decides if she is being overly sensitive or not. The people who think she is being overly sensitive in the first place.

I would think it more appropriate to record the incidents and WHAT ACTION was taken to reach the conclusion she is being overly sensitive.

Being hit and leaving marks, is not overly sensitive.

Hope she brings the book home for you to see too.

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