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To not like the attention that comes with being pregnant

(25 Posts)
ImCountingToThree Thu 19-May-16 22:09:39

I'm pregnant after lots of miscarriages so I don't mean to sound insensitive or ungrateful but I don't like being pregnant.

I am looking forward to having another baby in the family. I'm not depressed or anything just not hopping up and down with excitement.

I've been very sick and very tired for months on end. I'm not as bad now but I've never felt excited about being pregnant - just relieved it seems to be working out this time and fed up feeling miserable.

I hate being the centre of attention and I hate people looking at my body or commenting on it or trying to touch the bump. I heard DH telling MIL on the phone that I'll be looking forward to showing off my baby bump next time we visit shock. No I won't!

When I have to tell people I'm pregnant and they get all super-excited it's a bit weird because they seem more excited than me. They say 'are you so excited?' And I reply 'umm yeah, I can't wait'

I think when I was pregnant with DC1 I was a bit more excited - but still not happy to be the centre of the attention. This baby is DC3.

thatorchidmoment Thu 19-May-16 22:21:52

You can't help how you feel, especially if it's a difficult/worrying pregnancy. Sorry for your previous losses, and I hope the rest of this pregnancy is a bit smoother for you. flowers

I don't like the attention as such, or the gobsmackingly rude comments of some people that seem to lack any social finesse or filter between brain and mouth, but I do love it for myself when my bump grows, and I can feel and see the baby wriggling. I also loved it when my other kids could feel the baby move and got excited about it coming.

But random bump-groping, and artificial squealy excitement is really not my thing! One must cultivate an air of stand-offishness. I managed that pretty well last time round. grin

Osirus Thu 19-May-16 22:30:49

I hate it! I'm 36 weeks and I try, in vain, to cover it up (nothing works!). I avoid certain people who comment on it all the time. I don't know why I don't like it. I had IVF but I've not suffered any losses. I'm quite introverted though and I hate attention generally.

I quite like getting my bump out when no one else is around though and watching baby move about. smile

ExploraDora Thu 19-May-16 22:44:21

I hated it too - all these people who I barely knew touching me! I was amazed at the questions people ask - asking me if the baby was planned, comments on my breasts etc! And the things they tell you about themselves .... conception tales, birth stories and everything in between. A woman on the bus told me about how her nipples permanently changed after breastfeeding. I'd been sitting next to her for about 40 seconds shock

makingmiracles Thu 19-May-16 22:49:41

I'm hating it at present, 37wks and had enough, baby is really low and feels like it's going to fall out, wherever I go I get stared out, like they're expecting my waters to break any second or something!

Women at school earlier said oooh two in there this time....no just the one and I scuttled off fast otherwise I would've potentially punched her.

I fecking hate the attention tbh and the is it two questions-although this pregnancy that's the first time I've been asked, I feel like screaming " no just one but Im obviously going to look a lot bigger than someone carrying around a titchy 7lber...when mine were all 9lb + "
angry

suspiciousofgoldfish Thu 19-May-16 23:05:27

I think lots of women feel like this when pregnant OP.

People think they can say the most inappropriate things to pregnant women, it's very bizarre.

I have three weeks to go and went to boots to buy some things for my hospital bag - the man at the tills enquired about imminent baby, swiped my super maxi humungous sanitary towels and said "ooh you'll definitely be needing these!"confused

Could you talk to your DH about how you're feeling? Maybe he could have a quiet word to your PILS about not making a huge deal out of it?

They are excited for you and that's lovely, but if you're not enjoying the attention they would no doubt prefer to know so as not to make you feel uncomfortable.

Good luck, hope all goes well.

Whippet81 Thu 19-May-16 23:08:35

I felt exactly the same OP

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Thu 19-May-16 23:26:40

Everyone's different. YNBU.. I had a friend who revelled in the attention. To the point where it was a source of annoyance. I don't think even Kate Middleton carrying a future king or queen got the attention she got.

PomBearWithAnOFRS Fri 20-May-16 02:25:03

Buy one of those "I'm not pregnant I'm fat" badges and glare daggers at anyone who asks when you're due or similar.
Or hiss "SHHHHH it's not my husband's and he hasn't noticed" or "don't TELL anyone, they'll all want one" at anyone who comments and make your escape while they're puzzling over what you meant.

LouBlue1507 Fri 20-May-16 07:23:17

I hate it too! I'm like a ninja avoiding grabby hands! Can't stand it when people think it's ok to try and touch my belly angry I'm very excited but it would be nice to have a conversation about something other than baby stuff or how much pain I'll be in, or how little sleep I'm going to get!
I literally feel like a walking talking incubator and people just want to get the paws all over my baby! 😂

Toddzoid Fri 20-May-16 07:38:43

Yeah I hated it too. I loathe small talk so pregnancy was a fucking nightmare for me! You get 10x as much centred around pregnancy. "How far along are you?" "Are you sure it isn't twins?!" "My daughter is also due then" "boy or girl?" "Been an easy pregnancy?"
Oh god, leave me alone. Please.

grin your ever expanding uterus puts you completely on display. It sucks

mollie123 Fri 20-May-16 07:48:16

I think the 'bump' feeling has become ridiculous - YANBU
If I encounter a pregnant lady I know I would just say 'congratulations' and leave it at that
When I was pregnant in the 70s no-one but no-one made bump touching an everyday communication - I feel maybe it is the glorification of slebs with their 'baby bump' photos that has made it a spectator sport.
When my daughter in law was pregnant I never resorted to bump-touching although she said random people at her workplace did.
Unfortunately some people nowadays seem to be far less inhibited in the touching / invasion of your privacy behaviour sad

WeiAnMeokEo Fri 20-May-16 07:53:26

O my days I feel your pain - I HATE it.

My most ridiculous moment to date: a woman I had never met dived at me and grabbed my belly on a night out, stared deep into my eyes and said 'obviously I'm happy for you... but I am So. Jealous.' Then proceeded to tell me all about how she was desperate for a baby but her boyfriend wasn't ready. Boyfriend in question stood next to her looking resigned, as though this was a pretty regular occurence.

She finished up absently stroking my midriff while reminiscing about all the women she'd approached about their pregnancies who had turned out to be 'just fat'. I was like 'and yet....?'

Littlecaf Fri 20-May-16 08:01:51

The attention when I was preggers confused me - and yes everyone wants to tell you their birth stories/pregnancy tales. I think it's a cameradery thing "I've been there, I know what you're going through". Two colleagues asked me if it was planned hmm and since being back at work so many people have asked how he was fed!

NicknameUsed Fri 20-May-16 08:01:58

What kind of circles do you all move in to get this kind of attention? No-one touched my bump, made inappropriate or rude comments or made any kind of fuss over me when I was expecting DD. I just got on with it and so did everyone else. They just left me alone.

nonline Fri 20-May-16 08:13:18

I didn't particularly like attention other than a couple of good friends I felt I could talk frankly with.
Didn't particularly attract stranger comments or bump-touching (ugh!), but probably to do with being overweight so less obvious.
Dreaded telling work and parents due to fuss; would quite happily have popped Her out and then announced it as a surprise!

NicknameUsed Fri 20-May-16 08:15:16

My bump wasn't obvious until I was 20 weeks.

sharknad0 Fri 20-May-16 08:15:18

On one hand, people are genuinely happy for you, so I understand why family and friends get really excited for you. Others fondly remember their own babies, so they do mean well.

Why do you suddenly become a public forum for random strangers, I have no idea. Brace yourself, it will carry on when you have a baby, people think it's ok to loudly voice their opinion on your and your kids. (Just read the complaints around here!). On the other hand, some mums suddenly think the world revolves around them, and become extremely rude once they have a baby (disturbing everybody, demanding special rights, changing nappies on tables in a cafe).

I think that it's only ok to touch your bump if it would be ok to touch you when you are not pregnant! I mean your mother, your grand-mother, a friend, anyone who would give you a hug. No-one tried to touch me during my pregnancies to be fair, I must have been giving the right signals. grin

BillBrysonsBeard Fri 20-May-16 08:31:49

Nothing wrong with how you feel OP.. It's okay to not like pregnancy... You sound like you are looking forward to your baby so that's good. I didn't mind the attention (and I'm a spotlight avoiding introvert!) but then I never got the intimate questions I read about on here. Infact I'm shocked daily at the comments and questions people get about everything! Maybe I have a good "fuck off" face grin

You don't have to let anyone touch your bump if you don't want to- it's still your body. Hope it passes for you quickly! smile

HumphreyCobblers Fri 20-May-16 08:41:05

I really wanted children so I was prepared to put up with pregnancy, but I can honestly say I did not enjoy a single minute of any of them.

I existed in a state of fear, rage and emotional incontinence. It was grim. I read something the other day that also made me think that I may have had pg related thyroid issues as I had so little energy.

Look forward to the baby and give daggers to anyone trying to touch your bump!

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom Fri 20-May-16 08:51:41

I was the exact opposite. I once horrified a young colleague by grabbing his hand and thrusting it on my bump to feel ds squirming around. I thought he'd find it fascinating - I think it just freaked him out blush

In my defence, we were in a job where physical contact was commonplace (barwork, not the blue movie industry grin ).

However, I can see how others might hate it, and that's perfectly understandable, so YANBU.

namechangeparents Fri 20-May-16 09:34:40

I don't like the attention as such, or the gobsmackingly rude comments of some people that seem to lack any social finesse or filter between brain and mouth

This.

And the fact that you sort of become public property. I disliked being pregnant intensely and my first reaction once I'd pushed out ds was "thank goodness I don't ever have to do that again". And I didn't.

TooGood2BeFalse Fri 20-May-16 10:39:19

I think people apply less of a filter to their gobs because pregnancy is almost universally assumed to be a happy event, and that 'of course' you are happy and 'of course' you are excited and 'of course' you want to talk about it.

I am very excited to meet my second little boy in just under 7 weeks, and I do like talking about him, but I am sick of the weight/bump/shape/'hello fatty' comments, but I genuinely think people are just trying to be nice/make conversation. It's not really their fault if they are the 6th person that day to comment.

I can't wait till he's out though. Am so hot, achy and fed up, but if you say that to people in real life they look a bit hmm and the words 'miracle', 'lucky' and 'worth it' then crop up and you wish you'd never said anything..

NicknameUsed Fri 20-May-16 17:36:31

I must have a "do not go near me or I will kill you" face. I'm always amazed at pregnancy threads where so many random strangers seem to want to be involved in the poster's pregnancy. This just never happened to me.

ImCountingToThree Fri 20-May-16 17:49:59

nonline

Dreaded telling work and parents due to fuss; would quite happily have popped Her out and then announced it as a surprise!

This is so how I feel - I though I was the only person who felt like this. I think I'm a bit weird to be this way. I only told everyone at 20 weeks as I kept my bump kind of hidden. I was dreading the excited smiles. People immediately wanted to look at my bump and started commenting on what size I was compared to other pregnant people they knew. I wish the baby just magically appeared instead of all this and I could just drop over and let the baby have the attention.

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