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Or does anyone else think their parents are a bit mad?

(22 Posts)
leeds84 Thu 19-May-16 20:57:45

I love my parents. They're generous, loving and generally supportive.

However, they're also overbearing, over involved, and generally just a bit much. I'm 37 and they still seem to think I'm 12. For example, today I had a routine pregnancy growth scan and when I hadn't called them (I never said I would, plus scan was late and I got home knackered and crashed out) I got several neurotic messages and emails asking if everything was ok. They sounded so paniced, it's just a bit ridiculous since they would DEFINITELY have heard if something was up, and they know that.

Other examples are, I pretty much see them every week, if not more. If I don't see them for 7 days they go on about how long it's been since they last saw me. I have a toddler and work freelance, so sometimes it's just not possible to fit everything in. If I don't see them my mum always sounds pissed off and put out. It makes me feel guilty when I know I'm a pretty attentive daughter.

When I was in labour with my toddler, my boyfriend was getting texts literally every 20 minutes from my dad saying "any news?" Like we wouldn't have told them I'd had a child?! BTW they were waiting downstairs in the hospital waiting room.

There's loads of other weird behaviour they display but I'd have to write and entire essay to explain.

It's just all a bit bonkers.

Or AIBU?

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Thu 19-May-16 21:05:13

Are you me?

My DM (DF no longer with us) is exactly like this. Very overbearing, interfering , give her an inch she'll take a mile.

But she's loving and supportive, adores the kids and only does it because she loves us and thinks she's helping. She only pulls back when I actually fall out with her abut it ( and these arguments are VERY heated, horribly so).

I had other unrelated problems with my DF - I posted a few days ago on the bereavement page - but, despite our problems, since he died, I am distraught.

Stand your ground when you need to, but recognise that they love you and that's the only reason they behave the way they do. You'll miss them when they're gone

Mari50 Thu 19-May-16 21:11:43

Haha, me too. My mum is amazing and so helpful and lovely but at the same time she's controlling and interfering and can be very hard work. I love her to bits but sometimes I wish I lived very far away so I could be a grown up. How is it possible to be all the things I described??

Mari50 Thu 19-May-16 21:12:10

And yes she is utterly nutters

leeds84 Thu 19-May-16 21:14:43

I'm so sorry for your loss ILove ( I want to attach flowers but can't). Bereavement is so hard and I can't imagine how you must feel at the moment. It certainly puts things in perspective, so thank you for posting

TheGhostOfBarryFairbrother Thu 19-May-16 21:28:27

My parents feel the need to be very open about their sex life. It's quite disturbing but seems to have worked as a good contraceptive for all of us children...

leeds84 Thu 19-May-16 21:38:16

Oh dear TheGhost. No filter! Why?!

Good to know other people's parents are a bit nuts.

shazzarooney999 Thu 19-May-16 21:43:51

You know its great that they are concerned, they may be bonkers but they care,one day they wont be here so make the most of it while its here, i never had loving parents or caring parents even but my mum died not so long back and my dad has cancer at the moment and we dont know how this will go, i just think those people that have supportive parents need to thank theyre lucky stars xx

leeds84 Thu 19-May-16 21:55:12

I do Shazza, really I do.

I'm just gripping and having a moan about how overbearing they can be.
I do know how lucky I am at the end of the day.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Thu 19-May-16 21:59:41

My parents AREN'T here and I'm still standing right by you, OP. YANBU!

I absolutely adored my dad and yet he definitely seemed to think I had stopped growing aged 14/15. If he called the landline before about 9 and I answered he would say in astonishment, "oh, you're up early!"

He got very hard to talk to as he just couldn't focus on a story - you'd be trying to tell him something and he'd interrupt to say that there was a robin on the lawn or something.

Although I miss him like crazy, at the same time I have to admit that without realising it I did feel a bit heckled and criticised by him and I find it easier to 'breathe' now. He was only in his sixties when he died too - not old. My mums been dead ages: don't really remember her.

BillBrysonsBeard Thu 19-May-16 22:04:19

People are allowed to moan even if they don't have terrible parents.

Do they have much going on in their lives OP? Are you an only child? It sounds overwhelming.. I would hate the paniced messages just because you didn't text quickly enough. It all feels like too much pressure.

murmuration Thu 19-May-16 22:06:47

Sounds like my folks, leeds. My mother still goes on about the time I tried to limit our Skyping to every other week and 20 minutes, and it was 10 years ago (we live on different continents). I find it utterly exhausting to talk to them for 60-90+ minutes each weekend, but at least now there's DD to entertain them. And I first thought Skype was great, but pretty soon my mother started complaining if I did anything other than talking to her, so there went my crafting time that at least had made the hour or so useful.

And don't get me started on birth - my husband phoned them on his mobile regularly to keep them updated, and we pretended they weren't allowed in the hospital because I really couldn't take talking to my mother at that vulnerable point. She actually phoned the ward, using up that one line that people call in on to talk to midwives if they're concerned about stuff; no idea how she got the number. It was distressing and terribly embarassing, both.

thatorchidmoment Thu 19-May-16 22:09:48

My mum used to phone me five or six times a day when I left home at first.

"Hi, Mum. No, I'm still in my room studying... exactly where I was the last time you called. No, no news. Nothing has happened since I spoke to you last..."

I find I have had to tell her if she's getting a bit much and she needs to back off a bit! Bless her, she takes it fine.

Both my parents are a bit woo re: medical stuff (they wanted me to study aloe Vera or become an osteopath instead of going to medical school). They are also pretty gullible and genuinely believe that there is a problem with their computer if 'Microsoft' gives them a bell from India. I live far away from them, but sometimes I feel guilty for not being close enough to look after them! I have enough on my plate with three kids, a workaholic husband, and a fixer-upper of a house; without taking them on too.

They have always given me my space when the babies came along though, and each time waited for an invitation before coming to see us can't say as much for the other side of the family

thatorchidmoment Thu 19-May-16 22:12:20

I strongly advise people to not let helicopter parents know you are in labour until it's all over and you have a weight and sex to tell them!
grin

StarkyTheDirewolf Thu 19-May-16 22:34:17

My parents are barmy, wonderful, but barmy.

My Mum truef to send me to sit in the car to think about what I'd done the other day. What I'd done was tell her she was being frustrating and bimbly. I'm 30 next month.

StarkyTheDirewolf Thu 19-May-16 22:34:48

Truef -> tried.

poorpaws Thu 19-May-16 23:00:21

Daughter - don't you dare! I know ur on Mumsnet 😀😀

OhGodWhatTheHellNow Thu 19-May-16 23:01:13

My Mil seems to think it's her duty to clothe my dcs - she clears the shelves in Asda every Christmas and birthday, bringing more clothes than they could possibly wear. All I've been able to buy in years is shoes and school uniform. It's quite nice actually, but I don't understand it, she'll apologise if she thinks she hasn't got enough...

Earlier it was nappies and formula, this was never asked for and we were quite well off then, I think she thinks her (quite high earning, in his forties) son still needs to be kept by his mum. It's wierd.

AvaLeStrange Fri 20-May-16 00:12:32

Another member of the nutty parents club! Most of these posts sound familiar.

I'm 40 and if I go outside our town mum still likes me to text and let know I've arrived safely grin.

VocationalGoat Fri 20-May-16 00:24:41

They adore you. You're their everything.

Could be worse. smile

coco1810 Fri 20-May-16 09:32:23

RE the birth: My sister and I had a pact, when I went into labour she phoned my mom and all communications went via dp to ds. Then I did the same. We both knew DM and especially DF would go to pieces.

Toddzoid Fri 20-May-16 10:25:43

My mum's a racist and my dad's a liberal hippy. I don't know how or why they were ever together or why on earth they decided to procreate grin. Thankfully I took my dad's stance on things... You couldn't get two more polar opposite people if you tried. Dad's also Jewish and looks very dark so mum was always embarrassed when with him because people thought she was dating a p**i hmm.

A school friend of mines mother is interesting... She used to leave TOWELS and a packet of condoms out on his bed whenever he had his female LESBIAN friend come over, just in case she turned I guess hmm. She also used to have loud sex in the next room to him and the next morning would apologise if it was too loud but she was really enjoying riding her boyfriend shock. I'm not even kidding either. She was kind of like the Focker parents.

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