I have never been close to any of my dad’s family.
My dad’s mother died a couple of weeks ago, the funeral was last Friday and his brother, who I’ve never met and who hasn’t visited or been in contact with my dad for 35 years, came back to go to the funeral.
On Friday evenings me and my two children go to my parents’ house for dinner. Last Friday my dad’s brother came too. We barely spoke, he spent most of the evening playing with my dad in their games room.
He was supposed to be leaving this Wednesday but extended his stay to Saturday morning.
My mum just texted me to ask if I’d mind eating at my dad’s sisters place on Friday instead, so that we could have a ‘goodbye meal’. The original plan was that he’d come to my parents’ again.
My dad’s sister is in a wheelchair and doesn’t want to go out anywhere, though he’s taken her places before so she could, if she really wanted to.
There would be my parents, my dad’s brother, his sister, me and my two daughters, 7 and 3. (His sister is nice but we’ve never been close. We're closer than I am with his other two siblings, we see her a few times per year, the rest of his family not at all.)
I do not want to go. Call me miserable but I do not enjoy going out anywhere on a Friday evening. I find the week tiring, I enjoy chilling out on Fridays; my parents’ house is two minutes walk away, we eat together, chat, play, the kids have a bath, then we go home, perfect.
Eating at my aunt’s house would involve a stressful 30 min + drive, traffic’s always bad on Fridays, I’ve only driven there once so would have to follow my parents which I'd find very stressful. I am an anxious driver and prefer to avoid traffic when possible. Her house is a small flat, not child unfriendly but nothing other than the TV to entertain the kids. My 3 year old is a lot of work, won’t sit still, she’ll to touch everything, explore, harass the little dog, run around and play, normal 3 year old stuff but in that environment it’s just not going to be fun.
I have no relationship with my dad’s brother and I don’t expect to ever see him again which is fine by me. He made no effort to really talk to me when he could have on Friday (to be honest I’m glad he didn’t.)
It’s not a big family send off – the other 2 siblings don’t care enough to come. Me, the kids and my parents will visit his sister in the holidays when I’m less tired and stressed but I don’t feel a need to visit him.
I like to also add that I’m an introvert and I find any kind of lengthy social interaction emotionally draining. I feel exhausted when I finally get away – I don’t why this is but I get like that with everyone other than OH, my DDs and my parents – even close friends that I like and actually enjoy seeing. I feel tired just thinking about spending my evening this way.
I know I’m being a bit lazy and selfish for not wanting to go, but what is the point? Would I be really unreasonable to text my mum to say we’ll sit this one out but they should feel free to go there and eat without us this week?
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AIBU?
To not want to go OUT Friday night for send off meal for an uncle I’ll never see again.
37 replies
FamiliarSting · 19/05/2016 18:47
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