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To think DP has a right to meet a man who is going to be around his young DD?

(170 Posts)
MintCakeYum Thu 19-May-16 17:31:14

DP's ex has a new partner who is going to be staying the night regularly when their DD is home.

They were in bed together when DP dropped of his DD at her house last week.

DP would like to meet the man.

His ex doesn't have a great track record for straight and stable partners (DP excluded).

EX has lost her temper and screamed and shouted that it is none of his business and that she is capable of making her own judgements.

Who is being unreasonable?

PaulAnkaTheDog Thu 19-May-16 17:33:41

I don't think it's any of his business really, it may feel to her like he is trying to dictate what she does. Presumably he trusts her to look after his daughter adequately, so that should be enough. Did he introduce her to you when you got serious?

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou Thu 19-May-16 17:34:03

He doesn't have any right to that, no. It's none of his business who his ex is seeing.

deVelvet Thu 19-May-16 17:34:49

I think YABU I'm afraid.

When in mother's care dd could easily in contact with anyone imo. Friends, friends boyfriends, parents from school.

Why can't mum make judgement?
Did his ex demand to meet you?

If mum is ok to look after dd then it's OK for her to make her own judgements.

snorepatrol Thu 19-May-16 17:36:08

YABU he has no right whatsoever
Did his ex get to critique you too when you started dating you dp?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Thu 19-May-16 17:36:53

No, he has no right. They are not together, his ex is an adult and she doesn't need his permission to have a relationship.

LineyReborn Thu 19-May-16 17:37:18

'(DP excluded)'

Be very careful.

deVelvet Thu 19-May-16 17:37:59

I was going to pick up on that too Liney

timelytess Thu 19-May-16 17:40:05

Sorry, that's ridiculous. And also worryingly controlling.
I had an ex husband. I didn't even think of vetting the women in his life.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards Thu 19-May-16 17:40:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

molyholy Thu 19-May-16 17:41:16

His ex doesn't have a great track record for straight and stable partners (DP excluded)

oh christ here we go. Ex p is a mad woman who isn't capable of a healthy realtionship. Oh but your now DP is excluded from this as he is wonderful and only left her cos let me guess..... she is batshit crazy.

its none of his business.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Thu 19-May-16 17:41:33

No right at all

Chasingsquirrels Thu 19-May-16 17:42:58

Just echoing everyone else.
Either he trusts his ex with his DD in which case he had to trust her, or he doesn't in which case he should be at court getting residency.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards Thu 19-May-16 17:43:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CupidsArrows Thu 19-May-16 17:46:34

As everyone else has said he has no right. It would be great if all parties were up for it but they aren't.

If it was me the i would like to meet them. I wouldn't expect it though.

How did your partner word it? There is a big difference between saying "it would be nice to meet at some point if that was OK with you" and either demanding or stating his "rights"

Waltermittythesequel Thu 19-May-16 17:46:38

None of his business unless there is genuine reason to believe his dd is in danger.

Bit weird that every partner she's ever had has been bad news...except for your dp...

Janefromuptheshops Thu 19-May-16 17:46:51

Settles down for ex wife bingo

ImStill waiting on:

She left him for another man
She doesn't work
Has caused problems in the past
Spends CSA on drugs/alcohol/nails
Kids in rags and not looked after properly

Janefromuptheshops Thu 19-May-16 17:47:43

Oh and no OP he has no right to meet him.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog Thu 19-May-16 17:49:08

If I was in another relationship I'd introduce my DP to my DD's dad. I'd understand he'd want to meet him.

OohMavis Thu 19-May-16 17:50:16

Nope, none of his business.

I'm assuming as soon as you two hooked up he marched you straight to her front door for a proper and formal introduction?

WorraLiberty Thu 19-May-16 17:51:50

What's the actual point though?

I mean how much can your DP find out about this guy, just by meeting him?

And does he seriously think his ex is going to dump her new boyfriend if your DP doesn't like him?

OohMavis Thu 19-May-16 17:51:53

I mean yes, wouldn't it be nice if life happened this way and we all respected eachothers' feelings and wishes and whatnot? But the reality is he has no God-given right.

Kenduskeag Thu 19-May-16 17:53:40

If he has concerns he needs to raise them in all the appropriate manners. Is she a drug addict, tackle that. Are her partners drug addicts. Violent. Whatever. She was clearly nice and stable enough to have a child with once. If she really is THAT bad, you need to take a long hard look at why your partner once had a child with a 'crazy' woman. And why she broke her streak of 'unsuitable' men to suddenly date a pleasant one, before reverting back to form.

It's a bit classless to be 'in bed together' when your child is being dropped back at home. Call me old-fashioned, I'm more a 'meet them at the door and say 'hello'' sort.

I dunno. You date exes with kids and baggage, you're gonna get this kind of drama. I always think it never sounds remotely worth it. No partner can be worth all this warring with 'bad' exes.

MintCakeYum Thu 19-May-16 17:53:53

She's had several boyfriends, none of whom DP has requested to meet as they haven't spent time with his DD. DP doesn't know anything about them apart from the fact she's met them all online.

He did however find rizlas and emptied out cigarettes in DD's changing bag the other month... Ex insists it was a friend who was smoking weed and not a partner.

Her ex before DP was a violent drug user, she was with him for quite a while which makes DP a bit unsure of her judgement.

She has a history of violence against DP and a charge of GBH. All verified. She has been much better since becoming a mother and is receiving counselling, support and medication.

DP just wants to know, or at least meet a man who is going to be spending time with his young DD, possibly unsupervised.

VioletVaccine Thu 19-May-16 17:53:55

I'm just wondering, do people who think it's "none of the XH's business" who stays over at home, also think it isn't any of the Mother's business if NRP ExH has his new girlfriend sleeping over?

I'm not trying to be a GF. It is just I've seen many threads where the RP isn't happy at all when a new partner is quickly introduced to DCs during contact visits.

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