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to just be really disheartened that I cannot find a venue for our wedding?

(61 Posts)
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Thu 19-May-16 13:56:08

DP and I are engaged and I'm trying to find a venue for the ceremony but having no luck at all. There are several things we need to consider:

We have to have the wedding on a Saturday as all my family bar one are not local and will have to travel to get there & stay overnight.

I want everyone who is invited to come to the whole day as I'm not going to invite family from miles away to come for just the reception, I think that would be horribly rude.

Dp is not religious and does not want to get married in a church.

I hate the local registry office and all the other ones in the county are too small for the number of people we need.

Every other venue I've looked at (hotels etc) want thousands and thousands, some don't do ceremonies at all (only receptions), some will do it but only if we hire the whole venue exclusively for the whole weekend/hire x number of rooms for accomodation too etc etc. We just can't afford £3000/4000/5000+ for just a venue.

Just feeling really down and deflated because I want to be excited and looking forward to getting married but at the moment I feel like I can't because I can't even find somewhere to get married that won't cost the earth sad

Aibu to just want a venue that is half decent and won't cost an absolute fortune? I broke down and cried yesterday because i

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Thu 19-May-16 13:56:50

I am getting so fed up of hearing that yet another place is not an option sad

Dixxie Thu 19-May-16 14:01:31

Can you think out of the box? We hired giant teepees, catering, a bar and loo's and had a big wedding in a field! We were fortunate that my sister owns the field and her hubby prepped the land so well that the grass was in great condition... We were biting our nails about the weather but on the day it was baking hot and it felt more intimate because we did it ourselves.

Tinofsardines Thu 19-May-16 14:02:24

Have u considered looking further afar? If everyone has to travel surely it makes no odds where they are traveling to (within reason obviously).

Or maybe look at places where your family all live?

Dixxie Thu 19-May-16 14:03:31

Many of our friends got married at the registry office the day before then had a blessing / 'ceremony' in their reception venue with everyone present. The last one was in the middle of a polo field!

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Thu 19-May-16 14:06:25

We are hiring a big dome marquee and doing all the catering/decoration etc ourselves as there is a big field right next to our home that we can hold it in, the landlord held another wedding there about 2 weeks ago! I actively want to DIY the vast majority ourselves as I think its more special that way but its the actual ceremony that is proving the problem.

It won't even be a huge wedding, probably no more than 80 people all the guests including evening guest, and probably no more than 50 for the ceremony.

The field isn't licensed for weddings obviously so we need to go somewhere else to do the legal bit and thats the bit I can't find sad

Modestandatinybitsexy Thu 19-May-16 14:06:54

I had exactly the same problem as you when looking for venues. Everywhere for my numbers started at £5000 and then you had to use their caterer for another £5000. Leaving no budget for attire, flowers, music...

I have no answers because in the end I had a massive falling out with DM because she was adding extra stipulations making finding a venue even harder.

DH & I rethought our dates and budget and ended up doing it ourselves. We had initially avoided hotels but a new small one opened up. We offered guests discounted room prices and ended up booking the whole place out so it was essentially private.

After all the aggro I'm glad because our wedding was great but I wouldn't have gone for it at the beginning.

There'll be something out there for you flowers

jessplussomeonenew Thu 19-May-16 14:07:16

Where are you looking? We found a lovely hotel on the Hampshire/surrey border that had a £2000 package for ceremony (beautiful room with old murals), food etc and built around that.

snorepatrol Thu 19-May-16 14:09:10

Ok this is probably a bit out there but my friend bought her wedding off wowcher and saved a fortune could you see if they have any deals on and look into that?

If not what area are you looking for incase anyone is in the same area and can think of a venue?

Twistedheartache Thu 19-May-16 14:10:06

Can you get a list of all registered premises from the registrars office?
There are sometimes places like museums/stately homes etc that you might not have considered

Dixiechickonhols Thu 19-May-16 14:10:18

We got married in a stately home that was owned by the council so cheaper than usual.

MissBattleaxe Thu 19-May-16 14:11:08

Have u considered looking further afar? If everyone has to travel surely it makes no odds where they are traveling to (within reason obviously)

No, don't get married abroad because it's cheaper for you. Everyone else picks up the tab. You will have to suck up the fact that a lot of guests can't or won't go.

You could try a pub with a large garden that would put a marquee up for you.

A hotel that does weddings and doesn't require exclusive use ( there are thousands)

Some registry office are stunning- I don't think you have to go local.

Think outside the box about wedding venues- some museums and old houses have wedding licences now. Would you feel Ok about giving us a rough idea of location?

Dixiechickonhols Thu 19-May-16 14:11:22

Could you do a sunday before a bank holiday?

Kenduskeag Thu 19-May-16 14:13:39

YABU. Weddings are expensive. Hence, all the 'weddings are expensive' talk since forever.

There are a bunch of rules about where you can actually do the marrying bit - church, registry office, a small handful of other locations, or Scotland. It's not unusual to do a basic registry office signing before doing a sort of 'not actually real' ceremony later, then reception.

Or simply try and enjoy the registry office part. I disliked our local one - looked like a dentist's waiting room - but a brief search further afield and I found a stunning Tudor mansion. £60 and it was prettier than some 'proper' venues smile

And then, yeah. Venues want thousands and thousands. Cost-per-head means limiting numbers, which leads to all the usual family fallouts when someone doesn't make the cut, or someone else wants to bring their 9 great aunts. If you don't want that (I didn't either) you've got the budget options like renting out the village hall. And fields.

If you thought venues were costly, then your next big shock is going to be the photographer.

mmmminx Thu 19-May-16 14:14:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Thu 19-May-16 14:14:44

I don't really want to look at the places where my family live as they live near London so everything will be even more expensive there. I live in quite a touristy area so I know that is probably jumping the price up but all of our friends and all of Dp's family live here so it make more sense to look around here as there are less people that would have to travel if you see what I mean smile

Modest, that is the same problem I'm having. Everywhere wants me to have the ceremony AND wedding meal AND reception AND accomodation AND use their caterers etc etc etc! I just want a room where we can get married, maybe a nice garden or something so we can have some nice photos and then leave and have our meal and party somewhere else more affordable. I can understand why they don't want me to do that because they want to make as much money as possible out of us but its just so disheartening that there is nowhere in between grotty-shithole-registry-office and -spectacular-glamourous-wedding-hotel.

SunnySomer Thu 19-May-16 14:15:56

What kind of budget do you have? We got married at Hartington Youth Hostel in Derbyshire for similar reasons. They are licensed for weddings. Everyone can stay. Etc.
I can't remember what we spent (it was s while ago!) because everything was on site there was no need to waste money on cars, we were free to decorate as we wished so just had seasonal flowers from Tesco in Ikea vases, they were able to source any wine we wanted and charged minimal corkage. Most importantly they were brilliant event organisers and were able to recommend s fab band.

SunnySomer Thu 19-May-16 14:17:03

Ah. Cross post, sorry.

mmmminx Thu 19-May-16 14:17:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doje Thu 19-May-16 14:17:54

As a PP suggested, try getting a list of all the registered places in the area you're looking at. A friend did this for me and it was awesome. I just spent a lunch break googling and calling the suitable ones. We found a brilliant place that I would never knew about, so wouldn't have even have thought to contract them.

Diddlydokey Thu 19-May-16 14:21:03

Where I live you can get married at lots of the council buildings that are nicer than the registry offices

They're more expensive than the registry office but not thousands

TendonQueen Thu 19-May-16 14:22:16

Getting the list of every possible licenced place as Twisted says sounds like your best bet. Then try the museum type places. How frustrating - hope you can find something.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Thu 19-May-16 14:22:38

I'm in Cornwall. Its quite a big county so places at the other end of the county from where I am are a 2hr drive away and it seems unfair to my guests to make them come all the way here only to make them drive a further 2hrs on the day (or whatever).

Kendus fortunately I have 2 family members who are professional photographers so that is at least one thing taken care of grin

I really really really don't want to have a 'real' ceremony not on the day and then a 'fake' ceremony/blessing on the day of the reception. To me, the vows and the 'legal bit' are very important and I know my family feel the same way. If they knew that they had missed seeing me do the 'real' vows and they only got to see the 'fake' ones, they would be very upset. I know some people might see that as being silly but I that's just how I feel sad

On a completely different note, if you had your 'real ceremony on, say, the 16th April and then your 'fake' ceremony/reception/party etc on the 20th April, which is your anniversary date?

Diddlydokey Thu 19-May-16 14:23:03

Or something like this

Diddlydokey Thu 19-May-16 14:24:23

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