to be angry with BFF(12 Posts)
Hi everyone, long time lurker, don't often post.BUT.... my best friend of over 10 years is having some kind of mid-life crisis..in the last 3 months she has gone from
1. moving to scotland cos it's cheaper (didn't happen)
2. got back with her ex and getting engaged within a month
3. thrown her kid out for not wanting to meet new fiance
4. is taking her youngest child to live with fiance, 300 miles away..and hiding the fact from kid's dad.
5. brought the wedding day forward 3 times from autumn next year, to spring this year...to... it's in 10 days time! each time she has paid deposits on stuff and has lost over £1000.
6. uninvited all wedding guests, including her siblings and parents.now just the happy couple, me and a random person that's passing on the day.
obviously all of these things are her choice,, but i am worried it's all a bit soon. when i gently questioned her about it, stating my concerns...she lost the plot..."why can't everyone be happy for me? why is everyone against me, i deserve happiness too,..etc and i thought ok. she's not going to change her mind, so i may as well be as supportive as possible. why i'm angry? well, as her chief bridesmaid, i have been organising her hen night (which will now take place AFTER the wedding!) now at the moment i'm going through quite a stressful time with my husband's health. he has been in and out of hospital for the last fortnight, including a trip in a nee naw...all of my other friends have been ringing, texting asking if he's ok.. from her i got 1 text saying..hope ---- is ok...will you still be coming round tonight to help me pack? obvs i said no..i was sitting next to hubby on a ventilator at the time. when i did go round their on monday, she didnt even ask how he was..literally launched into.."my shoes, my flowers, my dress..." when i left an hour later she hadnt asked about me, my DH, my life at all.. i understand a wedding is an exciting time, but to have no regard for my worries, even for 2 minutes really hurt me..and made me maaad! so .... AIBU?
problem is..i've paid out quite a bit with hen night stuff (tickets/meal/transport) will be getting reimbursed by the other hens on the night, but...have also bought my bridesmaid dress, paid for my own flowers and headpiece and have agreed to look after her kid for the weekend so her and new hubby can have a short break. i just want it over and i know once she has moved, i will probably never speak to her again.
I know someone like this , completely self absorbed , makes grandiose life changing plans on the sour of the moment , monopolises every conversation etc She is bipolar though so I've always assumed it's just part of her condition.
I think I could let her being self absorbed pass at the moment since she's about to get married as long as she's not always like that. After all she did ask after your husband even though she didn't seem as concerned as you'd have liked. If you have been friends for 10 years and this is new behaviour maybe there's something going on you don't know about. Is her ex controlling? Is she struggling with mh?
she has always been impulsive...she divorced her first husband after 3 years of marriage, then spent a decade bemoaning the fact she still loves him. she does display bi-polar symptoms, but has never been diagnosed. she has physical health issues, but no mh as far as im aware..
also the text that she sent, i got the impression that she asked about my DH because it's the polite thing to do..... am actually looking forward to the day she moves away. i don't want to fall out with her, as i do thiink she will need support, sooner rather than later, and i want her to be able to reach out if she needs help...but i'm just so aggravated by her atm....
She sounds hard work OP. Has she always been like this?
she's always been quite self centred and demanding as a friend...expects people to go out of their way for her, then complains that they haven't done enough...eg. mutual friend is moving her across the country, she assumed that HE would pay the hire van fee and was quite put out (but not to his face) that if he offered he should pay...usually i just roll my eyes, but i'm seeing her selfishness more and more. my DH is pretty bloody ill at the moment and not once has she phoned me to ask if i need anything, if he's ok, if i'm ok etc...people i have known for 6 months have shown more concern than she has... today i have been stewing and i'm almost tempted to just hand over all the details and arrangements to another friend and telling her to re-imburse me afterwards.
To be honest if she's chucked her own kid out over this new fiancé , I'd imagine she's so self-obsessed that stuff in your life isn't even registering with her. And someone that would do that (without one hell of a back story) isn't someone I'd give up time planning a hen do for. How old is the child anyway?
YANBU she is being horrid. I hope your husband is on the mend, I would remind her how Unwell he has been and would tell her that you're pissed off. You are in the right!
so the wedding happened..completely different to how it was supposed to. all parents and siblings attended, as well as a few invited people to a small reception in a local pub afterwards. i have distanced myself from her, as her behaviour became quite erratic and at some points aggressive during the run up to the actual day. she leaves for her new home in a couple of days (still hasn't told the kids dad) and i will pop round with a card and say goodbye, but tbh she has been toxic lately and i need a break from her :-(
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