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to call my husband a racist?

(149 Posts)
RosieandJim89 Thu 19-May-16 07:38:48

We are looking at holidays at the moment and despite DH saying just a month ago that Spain was predictable and a dirty, he now won't consider anywhere else as its "safe". I suggested a few other places such as Turkey and he said no as he will get arrested for touching me hmm. He will not listen to reason and then came out with "I won't go to a muslim country". I asked what he meant by this and he said they are all like Egypt - dirty and dangerous (his experience) and he doesn't agree with their way of life. He also brought up the shooting on the beach in Turkey to which I pointed out the incident in Paris, London Bombings, 9-11 etc. He said they were different. I could get passed it if it was a one off but when I suggested Morocco earlier in the week he came out with "I am not comfortable with taking DD to a muslim country" and another time he said he was "Wary of muslims".
I have always known that he didn't like the muslim culture which I understand as it is very different to our own but this is something else.
I got frustrated after a while and told him that I do not intend to holiday in Spain alone the rest of my life and that I did not want to discuss the matter further as realising my husband was racist was something that was not easy to take. He says he isn't but I think this conversation suggests otherwise. Happy to be told IABU or overreacting on this but I don't think I am sad

Optimist1 Thu 19-May-16 07:48:27

He sounds like a lot of things, OP, but "racist" isn't at the top of the list!

44PumpLane Thu 19-May-16 07:53:26

He sounds incredibly ill informed and I'd be embarrassed by his views- YANBU!

Is he open to information? Could you have a rational discussion with him to help inform him?

However, if he really is set on avoiding Muslik countries for holidays there are plenty more places than Spain. Switzerland is beautiful for example, or the south of France.

ThinkPinkStink Thu 19-May-16 07:59:43

No no, don't encourage him to come to the South of France, it's lovely here. And I'm 'wary' or racists smile

Oh OP - yep, he's caught the DailyMail bug, he's read too many inflationary headlines and done too little background thinking.

If he's open to it there is hope that he can be educated into acceptance of others and understanding that you can't judge a culture by the actions of a few mad men. If he's not open, you need to work out if you're open to bringing DC up with a man who is this close to spouting hate. Boo!

DelphiniumBlue Thu 19-May-16 08:00:58

I don't think he is necessarily being racist. The countries mentioned appear to be quite misogynistic, and I know several women who felt very unsafe in Morocco particularly - to the extent that they were groped and catcalled every time they left the hotel. This was fully, respectably clothed. Just being women out in public without a male escort.
On that basis alone I'd say his attitude could be considered reasonable- lots of people wouldn't be happy or relaxed in that sort of atmosphere.

MrsPatrickDempsey Thu 19-May-16 08:04:56

Are you married to Donald Trump?!

Oysterbabe Thu 19-May-16 08:07:17

He just sounds thick tbh.

MrsPatrickDempsey Thu 19-May-16 08:09:05

He does sound very uninformed.

MrsJayy Thu 19-May-16 08:11:00

He has got allhis messages mixed up probably because he has been flooded with muslim this that and the other he does sound like he doesnt like anywhereforeign though id go to corwallhe cant think cornwall is dirty or he will be arrested . I would talk to him about his misconceptions of abroad its zenophobic not racist imo

WingMirrorSpider Thu 19-May-16 08:11:32

The beach shooting was in Tunisia wasn't it, not Turkey.

<misses point>

MrsJayy Thu 19-May-16 08:12:46

Yes it was Tunisia not turkey

BillSykesDog Thu 19-May-16 08:13:05

No! You're so right! Show him just how wrong he is by taking him to that famous, safe, Muslim country which has a great human rights record, equality for LGBTQ people and minorities and full equality for women! It's called, escapes me right now...

Daffodil90 Thu 19-May-16 08:17:19

It sounds like he's ill informed, however probably at the heart of it he's scared because of the stories to come out of some of those countries and doesn't want to take the 2 most important ladies in his life there. Perhaps his judgement is off but comes from a good place?

Maybe help him with info or look for different places to holiday. Id recommend Croatia, it's bloody beautiful smile

JessieMcJessie Thu 19-May-16 08:21:09

Yes, the beach shooting was definitely Tunisia not Turkey. He's being an idiot, Turkish resorts are extremely liberal - bars, bikinis, the lot (some are a bit too Costa-like and raucous these days but not all). Food is fabulous. Turkey is a secular state, although the majority of the population are Muslims.

He is uninformed and being ridiculous.

shovetheholly Thu 19-May-16 08:21:12

Yes, I think that is racist and islamophobic. Not to mention ill-educated.

Why are you with this guy? You sound like you're in a different league of intelligence to him.

MrsJayy Thu 19-May-16 08:25:18

Yes he is probably scared but fear does breed bigotry though tbf last year people were advised not to travel to certain countries

nixxxy Thu 19-May-16 08:27:38

I work in travel and you'd be amazed how many people change their minds about travelling to Muslim countries once you start getting prices together for them wink

MrsJayy Thu 19-May-16 08:31:58

Ha yes oh nooo i wouldnt want to go to....but its £300 all inclusive oh go on then grin

shovetheholly Thu 19-May-16 08:33:14

"tbf last year people were advised not to travel to certain countries"

Yes, but I believe that advice fell a way short of banning people from travelling to the entire Muslim world. grin

MrsJayy Thu 19-May-16 08:34:36

Thats true shovetheholly

babybythesea Thu 19-May-16 08:39:58

To the PP who said about finding a safe Muslim country, in an oh-so-amusing post... What you do is look at the current situation in a country and make decisions from there. I have been to Egypt and didn't feel unsafe at all, and I had an amazing trip. Now, I wouldn't go. Politically it's not safe. Bugger all to do with the predominant religion. The Maldives have a huge Muslim population, and I wouldn't say no to heading off there!
On the other hand, I went to Tobago which I don't think is known as a bed of Islamic extremism, and it was very dodgy for women because they have received lots of media messages that western women were basically only after one thing when they went on holiday. So that's what some of the locals expected from us. Nothing to do with religion.
To write off countries and people purely because of religion is stupid, you look at what is actually happening at this point in time.

Moonlightceleste Thu 19-May-16 08:40:20

Tell him Spain was Muslim in the Medieval era grin still lots of Islamic ruins in Spain and Portugal! They are beautiful, I totally recommend, on a serious note.

nagynolonger Thu 19-May-16 08:41:26

Everyone is entitled to an opinion. I know lots of people with families who would not consider holidays in the countries you mention.

It's not racist to be worried about your family's safety/well being. Just decide on a holiday you both agree on.

purits Thu 19-May-16 08:42:19

You do know that Islam is a religion, not a race, don't you?confused You can't be racist about religion.

babynail Thu 19-May-16 08:43:17


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