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To ask when you started to feel "normal" again?

(13 Posts)
BlueSpanishEyes Wed 18-May-16 21:24:20

I am currently a SAHM to my 15mo little boy. I love him to bits I really do but I am struggling to feel like "me" atm. I am still carrying baby weight, I am about 2 stone heavier than I was pre baby, I'm not fat at all but I just feel so frumpy! all my clothes are horrible I always wear leggings and long tops because I feel so self conscious. Dp tells me sexier than I was pre baby but I don't feel it. I just feel like all I do is look after my son, I love him so much but I feel I am just "----'s mum" now, does that make sense? I don't really know what I'm saying really I just don't feel myself these days, I cry a lot but I can't really pin point why sometimes. Has anybody else felt like this and did it go away?

ijustwannadance Wed 18-May-16 21:29:53

This is exactly why I went back to work when mine was 18 months. I just couldn't be a 24/7 SAHM.

Try to make time to do something for yourself. Could you join a gym? Exercise would help mentally and physically.

WickedWilyWaitress Wed 18-May-16 21:32:46

This sounds like you might be a bit depressed, or maybe just need a change? Can you get out with friends for a day?

I have felt like this on and off since I became a mum (3 years ago!). I think that having a baby is a much bigger change than we realise.

FutureGadgetsLab Wed 18-May-16 21:36:22

This is why I put my child in nursery once a week. I can't be "just" a mum, I'm my own person.

I also make myself get up and do my hair and makeup most days, even if I feel shit. I refuse to dress mumsy and look mumsy. I put a lot of pressure on myself to look the same as I did before but it works for me.

I'm also looking forward to not being a SAHM, Maybe look into work and nursery for a couple of days?

scandichick Wed 18-May-16 21:36:46

When I went back to work, which mightn't be very helpful in your situation. The second time around, however, it was when DD2 started sleeping better and I got some breathing room to myself. What do you do that's just for you? You have to get a break sometimes, maybe not possible every day but you deserve some time off, too.

I think I'd feel exactly like you do if I didn't know I was going back to work - it's bloody tough being at home all the time, no way could I have done it for more than a year. Maybe you need to get a few hours childcare every week, would that be possible?

BlueSpanishEyes Wed 18-May-16 22:03:44

I don't really do anything for myself, I get up with ds feed him change him then we usually go out to get some shopping, I come home and feed ds again play with him , give him his bath etc then bed time for him. Then I have my dinner, do the dishes etc and make his bottles and go to bed. He naps once a day usually, sometimes I tidy the house then but sometimes I just catch up on my soaps lol. Sometimes it feels like Groundhog Day I guess

FutureGadgetsLab Wed 18-May-16 22:08:56

Is going to work an option?

Vickyyyy Wed 18-May-16 22:12:07

I don't know. I still feel very much like how you sound in your OP now and eldest is 3 and a half, youngest is coming up 2. I'm thinking maybe I never go back to feeling like 'me' and this frumpy permanently comatose feeling person I am right now is the new me. I don't even really enjoy going out on the rare times we get to tbh.

Mind I went to see Busted (My fave band when I was a teen, just got back together) Sunday just gone and during the whole concert I felt good again and just forgot everything. It vanished pretty soon after that though :/

BlueSpanishEyes Wed 18-May-16 22:40:51

vickyyyy they were my favourite band ever I went to see them when I was 14!

But yeah, me and Dp get out occasionally but I always feel a mess and tired.
The thought of going back to work makes me feel sick, I was picked on in my old job, before I left to go on maternity, I can't imagine going back to work right now.

scandichick Thu 19-May-16 12:40:58

Can you make time in the evenings for something you enjoy (gigs!)? Where does your partner come in, does he do anything in the house?

We got lots of bottles in order to just do one wash every few days - can you finish the housework when DS goes to bed and leave whatever didn't get done for the following day instead, so you get a bit if an evening? Is there anything at all you're into and could do a course in?

I think you really need something that's just for you, to feel like yourself again. Something fun.

HackerFucker22 Thu 19-May-16 12:44:11

Just started to feel "normal" (I was still a few stone over pre baby weight though)... I went back to work, began socialising a bit more, left baby a bit more only with Dad really or at a push with granny and then I fell pregnant again.

So the cycle begins again, except now I am 3st overweight and it is so much harder to leave 2 children. Although I am back to work part time.

I have lived in leggings since May 2012.

IrishSea456 Thu 19-May-16 13:30:44

I think it probably comes when you get regular, guaranteed (as guaranteed as it can be!) time away from your DC to do something (could be work but could be a hobby) that you enjoy/gives your life meaning and worth/is in no way connected to your children. For some that might come after 6 months if they return to work then, for others it might be much longer. I don't think we evet go back to being exactly the same people we were though.

I have 2 under 5s and am a SAHM and my whole life, bar an hour or two in the evening when I'm too exhausted to do anything (both bad sleepers) is about childcare and chores. On bad days I feel like the person I used to be has died, on better ones I remember she's just hibernating for a while.

MrsBed2b Thu 19-May-16 13:36:09

Sounds like you need some non mum time, can OH have your lb so you can go do something for yourself even for a few hours?

Do you get out much with DS?
I found playgroups etc helped me when I started to fell a bit isolated and down after almost a year on mat leave.

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