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AIBU to involve school?

(65 Posts)
PlaygroundAngst Wed 18-May-16 18:53:13

There's a mum at school who has a problem with me. I've no idea what it is. She's quite a queen bee character whereas I'm more of a take me as you find me kinda girl.

There have been a few incidents now. Excluding the bitching behind my back, the first was when she hit me at a children's birthday party. I involved the police, filed a report etc. I asked that she wasn't arrested because I didn't want to antagonise her (we've got quite a few years with our children being in the same class). But, my report is serving as a record of the event. I informed school in case there were any repercussions with our children at school. The next incident was when she deliberately walked into me at school. Straight after she was shouting out at how I'd pushed her and gathering all her witnesses up (who strangely enough are all her friends). I didn't say anything to anyone about this. No one was hurt. Today we've had another one. I was walking a child into school and had my arm around her shoulders. The woman mentioned above was walking towards us, not looking where she was going and walked into the child I was with. My instinct was to protect the child so I pushed the woman's hands away. She was carrying keys so scratched me but I'm just pleased I did otherwise it would have been the child's face. I can't remember exactly what I said but it was something like "hey, be careful!" It was only at this point that I realised who it was. She again started gathering witnesses including someone who claimed to have seen everything but had her back to us. Another one of her friends! She then followed me out of the playground, screamed out that I'm a "fucking crazy bitch" along with sticking her fingers up at me. (This is all in front of children from school).
Anyhow, current situation is that I'm trying to convince the school to arrange a mediation meeting. They're understandably reluctant but if she's behaving like that on school property then I feel they have to intervene before someone gets really hurt.

So, AIBU for involving the school?

Nb I believe this morning was a genuine accident

Sirzy Wed 18-May-16 18:55:23

It isn't the schools job to solve arguments between parents!

Wonkydonkey44 Wed 18-May-16 18:55:43

Id be tempted to move my kids. Sorry not very helpful I know but life's to short for all that drama!

katemiddletonsnudeheels Wed 18-May-16 18:57:17

It isn't sirzy, although it does sound like the woman was about to hurt a child (not OPs child?)

I agree with wonky though ...

Lilaclily Wed 18-May-16 18:57:23

You should have phoned the police when you were hit tbh

Wolfiefan Wed 18-May-16 18:58:03

I don't understand. She walked into you so you pushed her hand away?!
If she is threatening you or assaulting you then call police.
If she's swearing she could be banned from the school premises.

MeepyMupp Wed 18-May-16 18:59:49

Seriously, you CANNOT ask the school to be involved with this at all. You aren't pupils/children from the school (even though you both appear to be acting like children). They have no business whatsoever mediating between two grown adults. How embarrassing for your/her children to start with.

PlaygroundAngst Wed 18-May-16 19:10:39

I know it's my side of the story but I'm genuinely trying to keep out of her way. She's an intimidating woman and I really want to get out of her radar.

Yes, child involved this morning wasn't mine but I was dropping them off at school.

Her child is part of a "gang" that ostracise my child. Low level bullying is involved and school are supporting/helping my child with this.

Would PP who suggested really move schools? It's the best one for my children in the area and they're really happy there (despite the bullying)

OnlyAFoolsChance Wed 18-May-16 19:17:02

I would move. They ostracise your child and the low level bullying the school are supporting your child with?! That alone would make me question whether I want my child to put up with this for x amount of years to come, stuff the fact its the best school in the area. You admit they are happy there, but despite the bullying. Bullying can have long term effects on emotional wellbeing and if it comes a time it finally grinds them down do you realise maybe you should have moved sooner?
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, its not intended to be, but its clear this mother is out of order and quite frankly a bully herself. Shes made it clear she wants to pick on you at any point, and to have all her friends back her up means its a battle you probably wont win. And sometimes its better to realise things would be maybe better all round if you and your children were away from that situation altogether.

Did you post about this before btw? Some of it reads oddly familiar sad

Foxyloxy1plus1 Wed 18-May-16 19:19:17

Can you get someone else to do drop offs for a while to let me he dust settle? It really is nothing to do with the school and I wouldn't involve hem. There is nothing they can do and if she hears of it, she may well escalate her antagonism, especially as you say she has a group of friends supporting her.

If you have to do the drop offs, can you leave them a short distance from the playground to walk in on their own.

Waltermittythesequel Wed 18-May-16 19:22:09

Wtf happened to make things escalate this badly??

I'd move schools without question. How can you live like this for the next few years?!

BeauGlacons Wed 18-May-16 19:22:18

Why did she hit you the first time.

Not sure how this can be a great school if this is the way parents behave. Your dc are being bullied and you ate being bullied/assaulted. Move the children no question.

PlaygroundAngst Wed 18-May-16 19:23:00

No, haven't posted about it before. Hoping I don't know you in RL!

Without wishing to drip feed, my child has SEN. They're getting additional support from school and changing schools would disrupt my child too much for it to be a benefit.

BoomBoomsCousin Wed 18-May-16 19:23:35

Speak to local community police officer, not school. It's not the school's responsibility nor their area of expertise.

PlaygroundAngst Wed 18-May-16 19:27:04

X post

She hit me because I pulled her child off mine. Mine was pinned to the floor. The mum didn't see what her child had done, she just saw me trying to rescue mine and screamed at me to get away from her child. I walked away, she followed, trapped me against the wall, shouted some more and hit me.

PlaygroundAngst Wed 18-May-16 19:29:12

BoomBoom... The police have already recommended that the school get in touch with him.

Apparently because the incident started on school grounds, the police are limited in what they can do.

EarthboundMisfit Wed 18-May-16 19:29:53

Wow! I've never come across anything like this. I'd keep well clear except where your children are involved, and call the police if appropriate in future.

zeezeek Wed 18-May-16 19:32:00

Sounds like this woman is definitely a role model for her children.

OnlyAFoolsChance Wed 18-May-16 19:32:14

No I dont think I know you in RL, I just remember reading something similar to this before. Really similar, and the general consensus was to move school.

Yes with SEN that could add more problems, but give it a thought at least.

In the meantime, I'd be tempted to keep a diary of occurrences and speak to police again if she is hellbent on continuing her nasty behaviour.

I agree involving the school could make things more awkward all round, however that said, if they have a parent being violent in the playground and shouting and swearing infront of the children, I feel they should be having words with this person in the form of "cut it out or wait outside the playground" type chat.

OnlyAFoolsChance Wed 18-May-16 19:33:12

*wait outside the playground to collect your child or send someone else. that should have read.

Waltermittythesequel Wed 18-May-16 19:38:10

SN makes it more difficult but not impossible, surely.

Don't see how the school is that great if that's the standard of parent!

BoomBoomsCousin Wed 18-May-16 19:39:40

OP, assuming you are in England, the police are fobbing you off if they said that. There is nothing special about school grounds that makes incidents there less police matters than they would be if they happened in, say, Sainsbury's car park.

But if they aren't willing to get involved then you may need to change your life a little bit. Can your DC's father take them to school for a while? Or a friend? Or is there a second entrance you could use? Staying completely out of her way and giving her time to change her focus onto someone else may be all you need, though I realise you've been trying to avoid her already. Obviously having to do this isn't ideal and there's still all the ongoing school issues with the children, but I don't really see what the school would be able to accomplish - they aren't in the business of mediating between adults, especially not when violence is already involved.

LunaLoveg00d Wed 18-May-16 19:42:13

It is not the job of the school to sort out arguments between parents. They are there to teach your children, not develop parents' social skills.

PlaygroundAngst Wed 18-May-16 19:46:59

Yup, in England.

There are two entrances. They're equally convenient for her but I can only use one because of my other child who I drop off. I'm going to probably sound like a complete idiot now because I've asked the school to ask her to only use one entrance, and I'll use the other one.

I've really appreciated everyone's comments. I didn't predict that the consensus would be to move schools.

SquinkiesRule Wed 18-May-16 19:50:18

I wouldn't care if the school is the one you think is best, your childs time there feel like an eternity when they are young, life is too short to live with this crap, move him away from these people. Make sure that you tell the school that she and her buddies are the reason why.

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