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To be sick of dh's lazy parenting

(72 Posts)
Smfa Wed 18-May-16 18:36:38

I love dh to bits and he is great for playing with the kids and spending time with them but he is absolutely useless when it comes to feeding/dressing etc. I always have to pick the clothes out and give them to him or cook the meals for him to feed them. If I asked him to give them something to eat he would look at me blankly and ask what to give them. We had an argument earlier because we are I am toilet training ds and I asked dh to bring him to the bathroom on 2 separate occasions this evening and he refused, saying it takes too long and is easier to change nappies angry So then I told him that when he wants ds toilet trained, he can take a week off work and do it himself.

I am sick of his lazy fucking attitude towards parenting. If I go out and leave him with them, he will literally feed them biscuits and let them do whatever they want wreck the house to keep them happy, his motto is 'anything for a quiet life'. Except that's not how everyday life is, and I am the one left picking up the pieces and dealing with the kids on a day to day basis.

I left him to get the kids ready himself to take to mils for a visit just now, and it took dh 20 minutes of staring into ds wardrobe looking for something to put on him where the clothes are neatly folded and clearly arranged and in the end he managed to pick the only jumper that is too small for ds (by about 2 sizes hmm )

I feel like fucking off to the cinema and leaving him to deal with bedtime when he gets back. Is it just me or is this taking the piss? He does work hard but fucks sake, he should still be able to parent competently.

Smfa Wed 18-May-16 18:39:50

I have to say, I usually am happy enough to let the other things slide, but the can't be bothered attitude to the toilet trainini has pushed me over the edge hmm

Fratelli Wed 18-May-16 18:44:33

I would say he's doing it on purpose to get out of doing any parenting. He hopes you will stop asking him. I'm sorry but if he can't even feed his kids something decent, then he's not even doing the bare minimum and is a crap parent.

Fratelli Wed 18-May-16 18:45:03

Yanbu to leave him to it by the way, he has to learn.

TendonQueen Wed 18-May-16 18:48:43

That sounds infuriating. The toilet training thing would make me refuse all sorts of stuff for him 'takes too long to do your laundry / dinner DP, it's easier if you buy yourself new clothes / a takeaway'. But a more direct and perfectly acceptable approach would be to have it out again and tell him it is simply not acceptable to refuse to do the boring / harder bits of parenting.

Fettypop Wed 18-May-16 18:49:05

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TendonQueen Wed 18-May-16 18:51:06

Pathetic trolling, fetty. What do you suggest, OP gets in her time machine?

Smfa Wed 18-May-16 18:53:52

Charming fetty hmm

It drives me mental because he is great in other ways and isn't lazy in any other aspect of life. But yes tendon, he is basically letting me do all the hard bits of parenting while he coasts along doing the fun bits.

Catvsworld Wed 18-May-16 18:57:00

I do think a lot of men do this

When I was in hospital my daughter when to nursey in her super girl outfit two days running 😦

Came home on Sunday to find the play room upside down everything in the front room and he knows they only have one toy in the front room she had the paints out she's only 3 so that activity needs an adult to sit with her they have all gone dry and only my only day not looking after the kids I get to tidy the play room

He dosent even pack his own stuff when we. Go on Hoilday

Smfa Wed 18-May-16 18:57:34

Also, I am certain that most of the time, he isn't doing it on purpose, he is genuinely clueless. How the hell is he so clueless?? Is it because I have just done too much all along and not made him learn this stuff? I can get over him not being able to cook much, but surely he should still be able to look into a well stocked cupboard and find something to give to the dcs. He did live alone before we met and fended for himself fine so its not a case of him being over-mothered either.

Catvsworld Wed 18-May-16 18:57:50

They. Sit watch sports and let the frigging kids ransack the house then let use clear the mess

nicenewdusters Wed 18-May-16 18:58:13

I agree, working hard and parenting aren't mutually exclusive. Lots of men and women manage to do both. He's just being lazy, seeing it as your job, and hoping his staged incompetence will eventually lead you to stop asking him to do anything.

I'd speak to him about it, and if he chooses not to behave like an adult then yeah, throw your toys out the pram. Just pick the bits of having a husband that you like, and ditch all the cooking/washing/tidying up nonsense. How can he complain, he's cherry picking the nice bits of being a parent.

littlemonkey5 Wed 18-May-16 18:58:29

Did I write this?

Is my husband living a double life?

Does he have a clone?

Only difference is that DH can cook really really well but the child care element is true enough. I daren't be ill for more than 1 day, the house looks like WW3 has happened after just 8 hours with him looking after them. Same attitude of 'anything for an easy life' and unlike me where I put on Cbeebies or NickJr, he puts on American Hot Rod or Storage Hunters..... apparently that's ok, he's entertained.......

Some Men!!!

Smfa Wed 18-May-16 18:58:43

grin at the supergirl outfit cat, that's exactly what my dh would do!

Catvsworld Wed 18-May-16 18:59:06

Oh my oh feeds the kids but leaves the dirty plates were they lay and also leave the cumbs and all the food they dropped on the floor

littlemonkey5 Wed 18-May-16 19:01:18

Oh, and I desperately want to leave - I threatened to leave, I just can't do that to the children, I don't trust DH to keep it all together and cope without me! Even drugless with a severe spinal injury I can hold it all I have no idea!!

You are not alone!

Catvsworld Wed 18-May-16 19:02:05

We are also having issues with not using the correct bibs it may sound petty but I spend Sunday pre socking all dd1 tops witch are spoilt as I can't get the stains out then moaned when I had to buy more fucking tops

Dozer Wed 18-May-16 19:02:25

He is not clueless, and it's not your job to teach him how to parent: he's being a sexist, lazy wanker and a shit parent. It'd be a deal breaker for many.

Is he similar with domestic chores?

annandale Wed 18-May-16 19:02:33

'Tell me why it is that a fantastic guy like you, that I married because you had so much energy, intelligence and things going for you, acts like a lazy nob when it comes to feeding kids decent food and supporting a straightforward routine for them'.

Brainnotbrawn Wed 18-May-16 19:03:30

DH is a superb parent he completely does his share but there were many conversations in the early years about ironing out unfairness in distribution of child rearing. I think that is pretty usual for the first maternity leave, the woman is off work so starts doing more than just looking after the baby and then boundaries need renegotiation when returning to work. We have had many conversations over the years and not all have been about what he needs to do.

I think you need to lay your expectations of your husband out clearly to him. Feeding shit to the kids for their entire lives is selfish and lazy and you making meals for him to feed them is not the answer. Not doing his child rearing is shit and he needs to do it. Ask him what his employer would say if he took the same attitude in work and why he places less value on his children than his job.

ApocalypseNowt Wed 18-May-16 19:03:41

Sounds like some dh's have taken the maxim "Daddy is here for security and entertainment" too far.

I would definitely go to the cinema. And the pub. Then maybe for a sleepover at a friend's house.

nicenewdusters Wed 18-May-16 19:05:20

x posted with you OP. He appears clueless because he doesn't see it as his job, or as of importance, to work out what would be a suitable outfit for his child to wear. He knows you don't feed children biscuits for a main meal, but he's too lazy to cook or prepare something more appropriate.

He can also do all these stupid things because he's only dipping in and out of their day to day lives. He knows he's not going to cause them malnutrition, or seriously affect their development. What he does know he's doing is upsetting and annoying you. This is the part that I think he really needs to know. Also, I bet if somebody was around who he wanted to impress the children would be dressed smartly and fed a proper meal.

Thumbcat Wed 18-May-16 19:06:19

Your DH, and all the others on this thread, are taking the piss because they know that you'll step in and sort things out like you've always done. I can't believe the one who doesn't do his own holiday packing. Why do you do it catvsworld? He'd only need to turn up on holiday once with no clothes to get the message.

YoJesse Wed 18-May-16 19:10:35

The potty training stuff sounds familiar. I used to come back from work when H was looking after him to find 'potty trained ' ds in pull ups. It's lazy parenting and it's confusing for the kid.

GiddyOnZackHunt Wed 18-May-16 19:15:14

Presumably if you went away with the dc he could get himself dressed and find something to eat other than biscuits though. So he can do these things.

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