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FB Birthday etiquette

(33 Posts)
stealthsquiggle Wed 18-May-16 12:41:49

Less AIBU than trying to establish what the norm is, I suppose.

When Facebook tells me that it is [insert random aquaintance]'s birthday, then unless it is a close enough friend that I think "oh shit I didn't send a card", I tend to ignore it. Does this make me grumpy and antisocial?

FWIW, I haven't added my own birthday to my profile, and my profile is locked down quite tight, so I don't expect/need/want anyone to be wishing me a Happy Birthday either..

leedspirate Wed 18-May-16 12:59:48

Nope. I ignore it unless it's someone special.

SweetieDrops Wed 18-May-16 13:13:39

I usually write a quick happy birthday, it only takes seconds. The only one I don't bother with is with a couple who have a joint FB account but I only know one of them and if I get a notification I don't know whose actual birthday it is. I find joint FB accounts weird though.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Wed 18-May-16 13:14:11

Good friend or family usually get a message.
Others don't.

And I send a card before fb tells me...

stealthsquiggle Wed 18-May-16 13:18:47

Hmm. A range of views. I know it only takes a second, but these are people who I only know through school/work/village/whatever. Without FB telling me, I would have not a clue when their birthdays were and therefore no reason to wish them happy birthday. Doing so purely because FB has nagged reminded me feels superficial and somehow wrong (I can't define why, really - hence the question)

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-May-16 13:28:09

It takes 2 seconds so it's easy enough to brighten up someone's day.
Why not!?

stealthsquiggle Wed 18-May-16 13:32:32

Does it brighten their day, though, hellsbells? Really? If it were me I would be faintly embarrassed that a social media platform had made a random acquaintance feel that they needed to say something.

(Can you see why I suspect that I may be antisocial and grumpy now blush?)

DrinkReprehensibly Wed 18-May-16 13:36:21

I think the same every time but then when my birthday comes around, it does tend to make me feel nice that loads of people just took that moment to send me a happy birthday, so I try and do it for the Facebook friends I like.

Toddzoid Wed 18-May-16 13:38:29

Hardly any of my FB friends acknowledged my birthday and I was a little bit bummed about it. Just because I know they'll have been reminded about it and they couldn't take two seconds to send a quick happy birthday? I do it for everyone but out of pettiness I won't now except for the ten people that bothered wink.

ALemonyPea Wed 18-May-16 13:38:34

I only do it for people I am close to and would wish them a happy birthday if I saw them normally.

I've removed my birthday from FB as I can't cope with all the fake happy birthdays.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-May-16 13:40:24

When I see loads of happy birthday messages on my birthday, of course it brightens my day.
Why wouldn't it?

WhitePhantom Wed 18-May-16 13:41:11

If you were out and about and happened to meet someone and they mentioned that it's their birthday, would you say Oh! Happy birthday! to them? If so then do the same on fb.

I like getting all the birthday wishes on fb and don't find it weird at all. It's just nice!

Catzpyjamas Wed 18-May-16 13:44:23

This sums up my thoughts smile

stealthsquiggle Wed 18-May-16 13:47:01

Toddzoid and LemonyPea have neatly summed up the two sides of my dilemma. If I am reminded and don't, then I fear people may feel like they are being snubbed, but I don't want the "fake" Happy Birthdays myself and therefore tend to think that others won't.

Logically, I guess, if they do feel as Lemony and I do then they would have removed their birthday from their profiles, so I shoud get over myself and just post the damn comment.

ThoraGruntwhistle Wed 18-May-16 13:50:43

I just quickly write them a message on FB. It takes a few seconds and us polite.
I would wonder why I had people on my friends list at all if a) I've heard nothing from them in ages and then b) they can't even be arsed to quickly write happy birthday when they get a notification saying it. It's the bare minimum of trouble to take really.

EustachianTube Wed 18-May-16 13:56:37

I don't have my birthday on my profile for the same reason as you stealth, I do mostly wish my FB friends happy birthday if I get a reminder though. I try not to have people on Facebook unless they are genuine friends or family

manicinsomniac Wed 18-May-16 14:02:37

If I still know then I post a message.

If it's someone I knew years ago and now only 'see' through facebook I ignore it.

mellysam Wed 18-May-16 14:04:03

I never wish anyone happy birthday on FB, no one has complained to me (and if they are complaining behind my back I am blissfully unaware)

Katedotness1963 Wed 18-May-16 14:07:50

I do acknowledge birthdays. It literally takes seconds and could brighten someone's day, why not?

EmmaWoodlouse Wed 18-May-16 22:12:02

If we interact with each other reasonably often I usually just put "Happy Birthday! x" If I haven't actually seen them on FB for months or even years, I don't bother - chances are they won't see it. For good friends, or people I've seen quite recently, I'll probably write something a bit more personal even if I'll also be giving them a card or present.

Vickyyyy Wed 18-May-16 22:14:01

I always say happy birthday if I notice its someone birthday on FB, even people I haven't spoke to since school. It takes a few seconds and its really no bother, and who knows, it might make their day to have a bunch of people say happy birthday or something. Costs nowt.

I only send cards and such to people in my life right now though.

Justmeagain78 Wed 18-May-16 23:28:07

My sil had over a hundred gushing messages wishing her happy birthday and telling how gorgeous she is. I won't get as many unless every single 'friend' posts on my wall and thy certainly won't fawn over me. So even though I know that logically it's absurd - my birthday will be a reminder of how not popular I am!

stealthsquiggle Wed 18-May-16 23:31:21

Well, persuaded by MN logic, I did comment on today's birthday, and my virtue hmm was rewarded by finding out she is actually older than me grin

Samcro Wed 18-May-16 23:40:01

hmm I just put Happy birthday

its just nice

TwirlsInTwirlsOutAgain Thu 19-May-16 00:10:13

I only have people on my FB friends list that I would be happy to say "hello" to in real life, so a happy birthday message takes seconds and is nice and why wouldn't I?
If you're one of those that adds hundreds you've never met before, then that could be a bit different I suppose and I'd only say happy birthday to those I knew personally.

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