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to be a bit embarrassed by friend in restaurant?

(416 Posts)
Elena567 Wed 18-May-16 11:36:54

I have a feeling I might get flamed for this.

Every Thursday after work me and a few friends from the office try a different restaurant each week. All of us are foodies, we like to dine out and try different cuisines, and have a few glasses of wine etc.

Last week however I'd planned to give it a miss because an old friend of mine, who I know from my home town since our teens, was meeting me after work. I work in a major city so the plan was to show her sights and have dinner/drinks just the two of us. My old friend knows how I usually spend my Thursday evenings, and when she arrived she said she'd like to meet my friends at work and tag along. Instantly, I felt this wouldn't be a good idea for a few reasons.

A) She's an extremely fussy eater, I'm not over exaggerating, there's only a handful of dishes she'd be prepared to eat. She isn't very open minded about trying different cuisines, the most "exotic" food she has eaten is probably a pizza. My friends were going to a Malaysian place that night, and knew she'd turn her nose up at it.

B) She's quite stingy. Whenever I've gone out for something to eat with her before, it's always been at this one pub in our hometown, she won't go to the other because the Fanta there is £1 dearer (seriously). She thinks dining out in general is a waste of money. Malaysian restaurant is quite expensive.

C) She's quiet and timid around new people. She's absolutely fine with me when it's just us, but that's only because we have known each other since secondary school. My friends at work are a lot more talkative and opinionated. With the best will in the world, I just felt like she wouldn't fit in well.

I told her they were eating at said restaurant tonight and subtly mentioned it was quite expensive. That was met with a "Oh well I'm sure they'll be something on the menu I'd eat". I wasn't sure what else to say at that point, so went along with it.

We get there, quick introductions and start to order drinks. We all decide to share a few bottles of wine. My colleague asks my friend what sort of wine she's likes. Friend just orders tap water and says "Oh I'm not drinking tonight I can't afford it". Awkward. She can afford it she's just ridiculously tight with money, the bottles on the menu were reasonably priced. I brushed it over and told her not to worry about it I'd cover it, but she decided to stick to tap water. Menu's arrive and she turns her nose up at everything, complains that all the dishes look too 'complicated' or expensive. In the end she asked the waiter for a simple vegetable dish (that wasn't on the menu) with no spices.

The food arrives, we're all drinking wine and trying each others dishes in a tapas style set up, while she's sat there with her tap water and pushing her vegetables around with her fork, not really engaging. In the end she left half her food. My colleagues tried to bring her out her shell, but she wasn't talking much, and when she did she was very quiet. I think they were beginning to find her hard work.

At the end of the meal we all fancied some coffee, all of which was Asian style. My old friend wanted 'normal' coffee, and said if everyone else was getting coffee there she'd go the supermarket next door and get a takeaway one from the machine and bring it back! hmm confused My colleague told her in the politest way that the restaurant might have an issue with someone consuming drinks that weren't bought on the premises. My friend just pouted at my colleague then looked back down on the menu and tutted. At this point there's a lot of tension and my colleague looks to the rest of us as if to say "What did I say that was so wrong?"

We'd usually split the bill equally but she decided to only put down what she'd spent (fair enough, she'd ordered a lot less than us and didn't drink). But she counted everything down to the last penny, and she asked how she'd go about getting her 70p change, as she only had notes and £1 coins on her blush She also didn't contribute to the tip because she didn't like the food.

This morning I've received a Facebook message from her saying that last week was fun and that we should all do it again the week after next! Fun? She was difficult all night and barely said a word. It didn't look like she was having fun to me.

AIBU to not invite her again?

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 18-May-16 11:39:11

Do you really have to ask? hmm

blimeyalldecentnamesaregone Wed 18-May-16 11:39:39

YANBU at all. Sounds like a nightmare. Have your other friends said anything?

MrsEricBana Wed 18-May-16 11:40:06

Definitely don't invite her again - yanbu!

icklekid Wed 18-May-16 11:40:49

WOW! YANBU but what a tricky situation!!! I am speechless and have no advice other than say you would rather just spend time with her as you don't feel you were able to catch up properly!

AgeOfEarthquakes Wed 18-May-16 11:41:20

God no, don't invite her again. Sounds very awkward indeed.

Majorlyscared1993 Wed 18-May-16 11:42:51

YANBU except for the bit when she said she couldn't afford alcohol, I think that's fair enough that she declined... Not drinking things she can't afford. You don't know the ins and outs of her finances do you?

LaurieMarlow Wed 18-May-16 11:43:14

No, don't do it again. You knew it wouldn't be the right kind of occasion to spend time with her. You were right. Do something separate with her next time.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 18-May-16 11:43:24


If I was one of your office friends I would resent you if you invited her again! I'd probably pull out of the evenings.

It changes the whole dynamic - not to mention ruining everyone's evening.

ceebie Wed 18-May-16 11:44:55

Umm, really, you need an opinion on this?

acasualobserver Wed 18-May-16 11:45:24

Tell her the truth - she put the mockers on the whole evening and she's not welcome again. If she still wants to be your friend after that, arrange a night out in the pub with the cheap Fanta.

Pinkheart5915 Wed 18-May-16 11:45:36

If you don't want to invite her again then don't.

I always think surely everyone can find 1 thing on a menu they could eat, apparently not.

And I love she thought she could get a coffee from the supermarket and drink in the restaurant unable to see the restaurant might not allow this. What planet is she from

magicstar1 Wed 18-May-16 11:45:58

I'd tell her that she was welcome as a one off, but that it's really a work outing, so you can't keep inviting her.

JerryFerry Wed 18-May-16 11:47:13

I think we have the same friend. Her name is Lisa.

Fluffy40 Wed 18-May-16 11:49:13

The fact she likes fanta is bad enough !

x2boys Wed 18-May-16 11:49:14

no dont invite her i used to meet different groups of friends seperatley because sometimes for whatever reason they didnt mix well .

WorraLiberty Wed 18-May-16 11:50:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Wed 18-May-16 11:50:37

If I was your colleague, I wouldnt want to meet her again.

WorraLiberty Wed 18-May-16 11:51:23

Massively *long OP

HanYOLO Wed 18-May-16 11:52:10


Was her fb message deep sarcasm?

If there was ever a lesson in trusting your instinct that was one

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 18-May-16 11:52:22

Why would you even think you'd be flamed for this?! confused

PovertyPain Wed 18-May-16 11:52:40

Tell her it was a one off and the others prefer to keep it to the office staff.

SaucyJack Wed 18-May-16 11:53:09

I have come to realise over the years that there are sadly people in life for whom sitting in the corner pouting, sulking and generally being difficult and negative is their idea of bliss.

If shes anything like my mother I'm sure she had what she'd consider a hugely successful night out.

Clearly tho YANBU if you don't enjoy the performance.

LookJustCancelTheCheque Wed 18-May-16 11:53:22

last week was fun and that we should all do it again the week after next!


Honestly? Is she generally so utterly un-self-aware?

I'd love to say 'just tell her the truth' but realistically, I hate having difficult conversations so I'd go with the 'Oh, it's actually a work group thing' suggestion instead.

Arfarfanarf Wed 18-May-16 11:53:52

you actually have to ask if you are being unreasonable? grin

You'd be doing her a huge favour if you could be honest with her. Tell her that her behaviour is out of order.

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