To send dd into school in incorrect pe kit until September?

[sockrage]

I bought dd another pair of (£5 a pop) specific PE socks on Friday.
Two lessons later she has lost one. These were to replace the other three lost pairs this school year.

I bought her some cheaper ones of the same socks but school moaned about them.

They changed the PE kit as from September so yet another pair of new socks will be for a handful of weeks.

This is to add to the three planners, school coat and body warmer plus countless other crap she has lost.

She never bothers going back to look for anything and it is never her fault that she has lost it...

Her friend also thinks it is funny to swing her round messing about by her bag or open her bag adding to the damn issue

[TheSpottedZebra]

How old is she?
I'd be making her find her lost stuff, I think.

[NannawifeofBaldr]

How old is she?

[useyourimagination]

What consequences are there when she misplaces stuff? Depending on how old she is, I'd think about her paying to replace these things.

[TheHiphopopotamus]

I assume you're talking about a senior school age kid? In which case, she needs to be more responsible for her stuff and either find the things she's lost or take the money out of her pocket money.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

Are they name labelled? My DD is a bit absentminded and loses stuff. Most of it turns up after a day or two. I certainly wouldn't buy new socks though.

[TheSnowFairy]

Assuming she's at secondary school, her stuff needs to be named clearly but she she should be taking responsibility for not losing it.

I would be so cross and would not be replacing them either.

[sockrage]

She is 13

Everything is labelled or has her initials wrote inside.
I am not actually sure if the new socks are though as I was really ill last week.
When she lost her labelled coat I asked her every morning for two weeks to go and see if she could find it as school do not have a main lost property before she actually half heartedly bothered.

I don't give her pocket money as I am on a low working income and I have to pay for sessions she does (self defence and cadets) so apart from the money my parents give her there is no money to take.

She is now cross that I am cross

[Scarydinosaurs]

13 is old enough to find it herself.

School is doubtful to moan about socks at this age- I'm quite shocked at that. Email form tutor?

The 'swinging around' sounds also suspect, at 13 most kids have outgrown that. I would stop replacing her stuff, she needs to learn.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

That sounds annoying. She should check lost property with a fine tooth comb today for everything she has lost and appologise to you. She should look after her property especially as family money is tight.

[stealthsquiggle]

I wouldn't tolerate that from my 9yo, let alone my 13yo. Socks are not hard to keep track of. You pair them up and stuff them inside a shoe/trainer every time you take them off. I would send her with whatever she still has and make it clear that she is facing any consequences at school, not you. I am sure if she motivated herself to go and look, at least one of her 7 lost socks will be in a lost property box somewhere.

[ParadiseCity]

Her friends... is it just larking about or are they being mean to her?

If she is capable of looking after her stuff but just being lazy, YANBU. If she is having some sort of troubles YABU.

[WreckingBallsInsideMyHead]

Every time you have to replace something because of her carelessness, she misses an activity that week and you will phone the leaders and explain why. (Used to work on me as a kid!)

Does she have a phone? Other expensive stuff? If she loses the expensive bits of school kit then sell those to recoup the money

Right now she has no incentive to look after stuff or look for it if it's lost, because she knows you'll replace it. Some of my guides were talking the other day about how it's good to smash your phone in cause you get a new one sooner from your parents. Your daughter sounds similar.

[Nannawifeofbaldr]

In that case I'd work out the cost of what she has lost and translate it into meaningful terms eg one week's shopping, or something that would be important to her.

She doesn't get to be cross that you are cross.

[Sirzy]

She needs to learn yo look after her stuff or face the consequences of not doing so

[HermioneJeanGranger]

If she loses it, she has to go without, or use the money her grandparent's give her to replace things.

No way should you be replacing things when she can't even be bothered to look. If necessary, take her to lost property and stand outside and make her search through everything.

[budgiegirl]

Unless she has any kind of troubles at school (bullying?), then I'd make her responsible for her own things. If she loses them. If she doesn't have correct uniform because she's lost it then she either deals with any consequences the school puts in place, or she buys replacements with any money she does get from her grandparents .

Most kids will lose things occasionally, but if there are no consequences, there's no incentive for her to be more careful.

And so what if she's cross that you're cross, you've every right to be!

[sockrage]

She has had some issues with 'friends' but the child she has named as swinging her around and opening her bag 'for a laugh' is not one of the kids she has had issues with.
I also think sometimes she says stuff as an excuse as to why she just hasn't looked after her stuff!

Her group all seem fairly young for their ages to be honest. I have seen them swing each other around and DD came home with mud over her the other day because her other friend who is definitely a friend had kicked mud at her out of a muddy puddle, filled up an empty water bottle and thrown it at her and he is definitely a friend

I look back at what I was like at 13 and think they need to grow up a bit to be honest. [mean]

[paxillin]

She is 13, if she has no SN and isn't being bullied, she can sort this herself. I would write a note to her tutor explaining this was the 3rd pair and you are on a tight budget. She can look for them or take whatever punishment the school hands out.

[sockrage]

She will be given detention or put on uniform report if she does not have the right socks.

I am thinking that would have more effect on her than me whinging at her and taking away stuff as a punishment.

[Gatehouse77]

I would be making her pay for it our of the money she gets from her grandparents.

Or, she'd be doing chores around the house to pay off the replacements.

Or, I'd meet her after school one day and go through lost property with her, as mine would be really embarrassed if I did that!

I do think there have to be consequences for her to understand that looking after her own property is her responsibility. And to appreciate the value of money.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

My thinking is it's May, she doesn't actually have to wear socks at all. Let her go and find something in Lost property if she is that bothered.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

She will be given detention or put on uniform report if she does not have the right socks

Bummer. How is this your problem exactly?

[SoupDragon]

there is no money to take.

My DSs have had to iron shirts at a nominal value of £1 a shirt in order to pay back the cost of lost bus passes etc. it has been a very long time since I've had to iron anything and they seem to have stopped losing stuff quite so regularly!

[diddl]

I'd be reluctant to let her miss a paid for activity, but would have no qualms about taking it out of money that her GPs give her.

She's unlikely to bother if there arean't any consequences.

I wouldn't see it as my responsibility at all tbh other than maybe remind her to look properly once or twice.

I would only get involved if I thought that she was being bullied & stuff deliberately taken from her.

[Nannawifeofbaldr]

Yes, let her take the detention otherwise you'll have this problem next year too.