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To think this woman was a bit cheeky?

(61 Posts)
timealone Tue 17-May-16 20:35:29

I was outside my house this evening putting something in the bin, when a woman came along fundraising for a charity. She said "Would you be interested in donating to x?". I said "No thank you". She said ok, and started to walk off, but then hesitated. Then she turned around and said "So you don't normally give then?" I was a bit taken a back, and also flustered as I was trying to stop DS escaping from the house at the same time. I said "I'm sorry, I can't think about this right now". She said ok and then left.

AIBU to think she was a bit cheeky?! There are lots of reasons why someone might not want to donate, but she seemed to assume it was because I was stingy.

YouTheCat Tue 17-May-16 20:37:38

Don't give it a second thought. She's a twat. If you don't want to give to a charity then a 'no' should be enough.

ImperialBlether Tue 17-May-16 20:39:16

I would just say either, "I pay charities by direct debit" or "I don't buy anything at the door." The last did lead to a bit of trouble from an ex young offender from 250 miles away who wanted me to give him money for something or other, but I doubt anyone was giving him money that day.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Tue 17-May-16 20:41:23

YANBU. I had a similar thing with a chugger for the Anthony Nolan Trust at my door. I don't give or sign up to things at the door and I also pick and choose my charities carefully. When I politely said "no thank you" she said something about "don't you care about...." (whatever it was she said, I can't remember). It immediately got my back up. I hate being made to feel guilty because I won't do what someone else wants me to do.

Libitina Tue 17-May-16 20:44:16

I would either have ignored her or told her it was none of her business.
I usually say no thank you as soon as they start their spiel and then just shut the door immediately.

AJ279 Tue 17-May-16 21:05:38

This infuriates me so much possibly irrational. I hate people coming to my door. I'm really cautious about giving to charity now after the RSPCA telling me I don't care about animals wellbeing and Stand up 2 Cancer asking me to imagine it was my family who were ill and then tried to get me to donate. I hate the guilt tripping and nagging they do. Both of these came from me texting in a donation and them ringing for more. I get they are trying to raise money but I'd have donated a lot more had I not been harassed afterwards.

timealone Tue 17-May-16 21:11:54

I felt a bit defensive, but I'm glad I didn't try to explain myself too much now. Sounds like some of you have had worse experiences than me!

RaeSkywalker Tue 17-May-16 21:21:12

I had one say "really?! Nice hat!" when I had told him (as a genuinely poor student) that I couldn't afford it to commit to a monthly direct debit. Like my bobble hat meant I was loaded and fibbing him off?!

The irony is that at the time I volunteered at a big charity fundraising event each summer, and another near Christmas. Each represented at least 4 12 hour days of unpaid work. I did this because I couldn't afford to support charities financially, so gave my time.

I bet the bloke who harassed me wasn't a volunteer, he was probably on commission.

RaeSkywalker Tue 17-May-16 21:21:45

^that should be "fobbing him off"

traviata Tue 17-May-16 21:24:26

I get that she was annoying, but these days charity collection often appears to be outsourced, and it's a job for many people. Like chugging in the street - it is a cold-calling sales job.

She's probably on a quota, has to get a certain number of positive replies, and perhaps she just felt she ought to try one more time?

I feel sorry for people in that situation, they constantly irritate the people they are approaching and get endless rebuffs.

Kitty3E Tue 17-May-16 21:25:35

Rude of her

Vickyyyy Tue 17-May-16 21:29:04

Ignore her completely.

A few months back, we my husband was quite literally chased down the front street by a guy shouting at him things like 'so you don't care about people dying of cancer' and the likes after refusing to donate anything to the box that he had SHAKEN IN HIS FACE (!!! I thought that was illegal now?) after seeing him use a cashpoint.

Where on earth do these people get off...yeah they are being good collecting for charities, but why be such a douche about it.

The end of our tale was DH (usually relatively calm) lost his rag a bit and made a slight scene shouting at this guy asking what his problem wash..asking if his entire wage packet is donated into his little tin..and such

When it was over though he was complimented off an old lady who was saying something about 'that rudeness would never have happened in my day, good on ya lad'

The day was slightly surreal looking back

But yeah, I kinda wish he had just ignored the wanker as I hate attention grin

Bananasinpyjamas1 Tue 17-May-16 21:34:42

I know chuggers have a hard job, but after a polite 'no' then I think it is REALLY wrong to guilt trip. I always think of pensioners or others who may get really flustered and give away their heating money or something. So I would go as far as to phone up the company and complain, just because it is charity, doens't mean you can turn up at people's homes and basically harass them.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Tue 17-May-16 21:39:01

Ooh, the 'don't you care about x' comeback really boils my piss.

I used to stop, think about it and say 'actually. No, I don't.'

(It took me years to get like this though, years of walking down a street thronged with chuggers four times a day).

pocketsaviour Tue 17-May-16 21:54:22

Sales people are always instructed to try to overcome at least one "objection". In order to do that, they have to find out what your objection is. Hence, "why not", etc. Don't take it personally, next time just keep repeating "no" and walk away/shut the door/hang up the phone etc.

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 17-May-16 21:55:14

Pushy chuggers are a personal hate of mine.

I tend to list what I have done and who I give to, then ask what they have done other than shake a money box at strangers.

angielou123 Tue 17-May-16 21:57:45

I had the RSPCA at the door one day, and i'm a sucker for animal charities. The man told me the minimum donation was £10 per month. He convinced me to sign up and I gave him my bank details. I then looked on their website and it clearly stated the minimum donation for DD payments was £3. So he'd lied. I cancelled the DD. If he'd told me the truth, I would have signed up with £3 and would still be paying it. Now when charities knock the door, I say 'I haven't got a bank account' and they swiftly move on.

ReginaBlitz Tue 17-May-16 21:58:38

I had one the other day for McMillan who wouldn't fuck off, despite my kids and dog going out on to the front, me rushing as had to get somewhere, he just didn't stfu! Then came the guilt trip.

RandomName9 Tue 17-May-16 22:04:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QOD Tue 17-May-16 22:08:20

might u suggest you start a new thread grin
I'd go with the flow and leave it to school but have a book to hand for after

RandomName9 Tue 17-May-16 22:13:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

londonrach Tue 17-May-16 22:13:37 can start a new thread in aibu but clicking on the start new thread in blue at the top. Means you get better responses. Welcome to mn. Aibu isnt for the faint hearted so might be better to post in other bits to start with.

Op....agree with others re have dh there next time and no more surprise visits. Is this allowed?

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 17-May-16 22:14:31


if you report your post to MNHQ they may move it for you.

londonrach Tue 17-May-16 22:16:37

And random....dont worry i just posted on the wrong thread as was reading the health visitor one!!!!! Grrr. Op sorry. Yanbu i hate this sort of pressure from chuggers.

zipzap Tue 17-May-16 22:41:39

I have no compunction in telling them that on principle I never sign up to things when people come to the door or when they accost me on the street. Even if they are a charity I very strongly believe in - chances are that I already know of the charity and will have decided to donate or not. If I don't know of the charity then I'm not going to hand over my bank details and a direct debit there and then - I might research them on the web if I think they are something interesting.

They try to make you feel stingy as a tactic to make you sign up. Hence politely telling them that you don't sign up on the doorstep as a matter of principle is a polite way of telling them to get stuffed and sidesteps the stingy etc accusations (or removes the way for them to try to extract a bigger direct debit than they should!). And also if they try the 'you don't normally give' line, you can say, that's correct, I never give to strangers that knock on my door, I give to the charities that have meaning for me (or words to that effect - even if it's just a pound in the poppy box once a year, they're not to know!)

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