Backstory: my mum has two grandchildren, both from my brother. She knows DP and I are thinking about babies (though we're in the early stages of TTC, which I suspect she doesn't realise). Mum has always 'let off steam' to me about DB - and particularly about his wife. She likes his wife very much, but she has a blind spot with my brother - he's the golden child - and in particular, she and my dad are united in the firm belief that he is the conscientious, strict parent while my SIL is the lax, permissive one who occasionally undermines his good order.
This would be funny if it weren't so annoying, because everyone else notices in five minutes that my DB's kids have him wrapped around their little fingers and that SIL bombs around getting things organised. She's also developed the belief she is sadly denied opportunities to see her grandchildren, because they often go on holiday to visit their other grandparents in Spain (as you would). DM usually admits she hadn't actually invited DB and family, or suggested she visit them, during these holidays, mind. 
Increasingly, it is clear DM is using comments on this situation as a covert way of hinting about what DP and I should do, should we ever have babies. It is very obvious this will put her in direct conflict with DP's mum. DM is a very 70s, conscientious-middle-class-parenting type, thinks breastfeeding is practically a sacrament, that babies should never be in nursery and should always have a large garden to run in, and should always be stimulated with naice books, educational trips, and no TV. DMIL proudly weaned hers before one month, is very relaxed about TV, etc.
Both are vocal about expectations, though DMIL is markedly less annoying because she simply says what she thinks, while DM prefers to convey her views through the medium of contorted facial expressions and hints so subtle DP generally has no clue what she's getting at.
They have never met. They will meet in the next few months. DP and I have realised that this is likely to result in a, erm, robust exchange of views.
Should we a) warn them, trusting them to act as adults, b) attempt to mediate, pointing out that as the potential baby's potential parents, we might have some say in issues like breastfeeding, or c) light the blue touch paper and stand well clear?
AIBU?
to give up and let mum and MIL fight it out over as-yet-unconceived grandchildren?!
RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 17/05/2016 13:25
(c) and bring popcorn? 
You could have a lot of fun agreeing vehemently with both of them and then ultimately completely ignoring their advice and just doing your own thing.
at rubber. It is tempting. But it would be mean!
kay - oh, hell yes, they would be arguing! My mother has been talking about my hypothetical babies for years.
And seriously, we do want any possible children to have a good relationship with them - which is why I am a little worried - but I also want to tell them to please calm down and let us at least get knocked up before they agonise so much!
Ooh. My DM and DMIL are like this.
I just stand back and watch.
and try not to laugh
You might find it all changes when DCs arrive anyway. Children have a way of persuading GPs to agree to all the stuff we were banned from.
d) tell them babies smell bad and you'd rather focus on your career and buy a cat. Then sit back and watch them unite against you. 
Actually what I'd do is, nod, smile and say you'll worry about it when you get to that point. Or change the subject.
Frankly I'd be laying my boundaries here and now
Ok ... HOW?!
barbarian - ooh, yes, that would not go down well!
venus - I would so like to believe you, but this is one of the lies parents tell non-parents, isn't it? It's very obvious from MN it isn't true!
steppe - ha, I think my SIL has read that blog. She points out similar with regard to her sister buying my niece sparkly dresses. I agree, it sounds like a good way to see it.
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Terrible idea, parents having sex . Nope, wasn't a typo, just meant to say only if they were ttc would they need to worry about how to bring up the resulting offspring. This way, it really isn't their problem, even if they'd like to have a lot of say.
They've had their pop at parenting, your turn now.
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