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To be a bit shocked at how suprised this woman was that I'm not married?

(177 Posts)
Abbinob Tue 17-May-16 11:56:18

So at work we had someone in from another store covering someone's shift
We got talking and I was talking about DS, she said oh you look to young to have a a 3 year old (I'm 25 but fair enough i get this a lot due to big fat circle head of mine)
Then I told her my age and her next question..
"Oh so how old were you when you got married" explained im not and she looked really shocked at me and started asking why not, do I plan to soon etc etc i said no probably not right now and she avoided me the whole rest of the shift hmm

Aibu to think this is really weird and rude? It's pretty normal to not be married and have kids these days right?

waitingforsomething Tue 17-May-16 11:58:22

Yeah it's rude. None of her business yanbu

TheNaze73 Tue 17-May-16 11:59:18

You can't argue a feeling, so if you felt that it was rude, then it is. I think being married when having children is still the norm, well it was with my friends but, what you did, is bugger all to do with that moronic woman

hesterton Tue 17-May-16 11:59:54

I wouldn't find it rude as such, just terribly naive. I would be slightly concerned for the speaker's distance from reality today.

EponasWildDaughter Tue 17-May-16 12:01:25

Was she from another culture, older, very religious? She is entitled to her own feelings and beliefs. Not to the point of being rude mind you. Are you sure she was avoiding you or were you feeling a bit prickly to have been asked the question?

I had my first 3 before i was 29 and lots of older women used to ask thing like 'have they all got the same dad?', 'are you married dear?' ect. I found it nosey and rude.

GrumpyOldBag Tue 17-May-16 12:16:21


I was not married when I had ds. He's now doing his A-Levels.

No-one batted an eyelid then - last fucking century.

GivingHeadsUp Tue 17-May-16 12:17:44

Rude ignorant bastard

i get this a lot due to big fat circle head of mine grin

Dixiechickonhols Tue 17-May-16 12:41:54

I'd assume she was very young and had led a sheltered life perhaps religious family so all other women she had met had been married prior to having kids. Odd to avoid you though.

scarednoob Tue 17-May-16 12:43:45

snap! DP and I are not married (or even talking to each other today, but that's a whole other thread!!!!) and when I told people I was having DD, about 15 of them said:

"was it planned?"

they would never ever have asked that if we were married! I was 37 ffs, it's not like I don't understand contraception!

liz70 Tue 17-May-16 12:46:26

" i get this a lot due to big fat circle head of mine"

Are you Frank Sidebottom's daughter?

Helmetbymidnight Tue 17-May-16 12:48:00

i love a big fat circle head.

Dh has one too!

scampimom Tue 17-May-16 12:48:11

Did she clutch her pearls at the shock of meeting a scarlet woman?

RockMeMomma Tue 17-May-16 12:50:36

In the great words of Frozen "Let it go....Let it go...."
You will probably never (or maybe rarely) see her again so it doesn't matter.

JasperDamerel Tue 17-May-16 12:51:01

Scarednoob, I had the same experience. Had been with DP for a decade, owned a house together, just turned 30 and our friends had started having babies. And several people asked DP if the baby was planned, or if he was happy about the baby. Most of our circle of friends were married at that point. He was pretty upset about it. But then loads of the friends I made later through NCT weren't married.

RainbowsAndUnicorns5 Tue 17-May-16 12:53:30

Well it's an old fashioned opinion, she's old fashioned obvs
Don't take offence just reply you're a modern woman

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Tue 17-May-16 12:54:04

Maybe she was avoiding the general smell of sulphur and smoke coming from your shoes? grin

Yes - weird, very weird.

toffeeboffin Tue 17-May-16 12:54:56

People are odd.

They treat you differently for the stupidest of reasons.

It's still 1850 really.

314inTheSkye Tue 17-May-16 12:56:07

I had my DC and I wasn't married. As it turns out that was a big mistake. But I never enjoyed people doing that mock surprised look, what they really meant was ''aren't you shabby?" or ''aren't you foolish''. Deep down I felt the answer was YES and YES

I didn't mind my friends looking out for me, but some women, all they've 'got' is that they married some bloke nobody else would have in a mad fit.

Headofthehive55 Tue 17-May-16 12:58:55

IT is not unusual, but I don't think very desirable.

I can't imagine why anyone would actively choose to have a child without the legal framework of marriage.

That being said, it is nobody business than your own, she sounds nosey at best.

scampimom Tue 17-May-16 13:02:03

Ooh, how romantic, "the legal framework of marriage".

314inTheSkye Tue 17-May-16 13:02:24

I'd actually question that it's ''weird''. It used to happen to me all the time.

What you do OP is look at their engagement ring. It's going to be tiny. It's going to be CZ, Elizabeth Duke's finest. 100 to 1. And then say ''that's a beautiful ring'' wink

JaneVillanueva Tue 17-May-16 13:04:07

I get this the other way. I'm 25 and been married 5 years this week. People are always shocked when I tell them/see my wedding ring.

314inTheSkye Tue 17-May-16 13:05:13

ps, even my GP thought I was looking for an abortion when I went to see the gp cos I was pregnant. I was 32. I cried. It seemed to compound my worst fear that I was a shabby fucking article having a baby not being married. I didn't have my own home but I did have a job with maternity benefits, health ins etc.

314inTheSkye Tue 17-May-16 13:09:08

I can think of lots of reasons why somebody would have a baby without the legal framework of marriage

Biology, hormones and being a mammal
Optimism, blind faith or head in the sand
Something like love or lust and whatever falls inbetween
low-self esteem, lack of any other ambition
Being financially comfortable in their own right
Having a secure job that would cover the cost of childcare
Awareness of their dwindling fertility and an awareness that fertility is the ONE problem that can't be sorted out later, that one is now or maybe never
Awareness that about a third of marriages fail anyway

How's that for a start.

GasLightShining Tue 17-May-16 13:11:50

I wasn't married and didn't get married until my eldest was 18.

Once people found out their ages the first question was always is your partner their dad?

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