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WIBU to report this person to her bosses for what she said?

(109 Posts)
WelshDragonMam Mon 16-May-16 20:52:41

There's a small, privately owned pub/restaurant in my town and I, my DM & her DP have known most of the family that own it for over 15 years, and my DH has known the family for about 10 years. One of the reasons why DH & I go there is that it's generally pretty family friendly and we know all the staff.

I haven't been there for a while because DD (3) has been in the difficult "not wanting to sit down anywhere" phase and combined with her appalling sleeping since birth means that I'm often exhausted if I take her anywhere on my own and I admit that this has meant that I'd let her have a little run around if there were no, or very few other customers around.

The other weekend, I had a chat with a close friend about another, unrelated, subject but concerning an argument about mutual friends/acquaintances that occurred at the same venue. Friend then turned around (because I was digging about "X" who was involved in the argument) and said "I didn't want to say anything, but X said that (Bar Manager) told her that you (me) can't control (DD) and you let her run riot". Friend defended the evening in question (a few months ago) to X that the Bar Manager told X about, because Friend had been playing peekaboo with DD and trying to help me out by keeping DD away from this really weird woman who started trying to make conversation and even PICKED HER UP IN FRONT OF ME(!!!) while I was exhausted after a week of being ill and was having a soft drink before I fell over.

WIBU to speak to the owners about the Bar Manager basically bitching about me to another customer that I barely know? Haven't told DH about this because he's already pissed off with the Bar Manager for fucking up a promo event for his work the other month by doing no prep work what-so-ever even though she'd been present at the meeting where it was arranged, so I'm trying to keep a neutral perspective to this, but she's really pissed me off.

(Thinking of saying something along the lines of "When (Bar Manager who is also not a parent) can control (DD) for 10 minutes while she has a drink after over 3 years of broken sleep, holding down a full time job, having to get the union involved due to bullying by managers, retraining for new job after 13 years in old job, as well as being on the waiting list for counselling at the MH clinic, then she can fucking well bitch about me behind my back discuss me & my parenting skills to random strangers.")

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Mon 16-May-16 20:57:36

its all "he said" "she said" ....and second hand at that!

don't let your DD run around then,then you won't get this reaction

Sparklingbrook Mon 16-May-16 21:01:17

Yes it's all a bit tittle tattle really. If you are that bothered just don't go in there.

nobilityobliges Mon 16-May-16 21:01:19

I think yabu I'm afraid. Not that the bar manager's right - I hate it when people are all snooty about kids running around. But you like this place because of it's laid-back, friendly atmosphere - part of parcel of that is staff that are allowed to act like human beings. And human beings bitch to other human beings sometimes. If you want staff that are deferential and completely impersonal go to any number of restaurants out there. But it seems a bit rich to pull rank on someone like that when the whole thing you liked about the establishment was the fact that it's not hugely impersonal.

quicklydecides Mon 16-May-16 21:04:43

Let it go.
Whatever this is,
Let it go.

rookiemere Mon 16-May-16 21:07:03

YABU. If you are feeling under the weather a bar is not the place to bring your DD to let off some steam. Maybe try taking her to a soft play instead.

CrazyDuchess Mon 16-May-16 21:07:26

Too much heresay to comment - so yabu to say anything to the owners

JackandDiane Mon 16-May-16 21:08:16


Sort your kid out and stop worrying about what people say

longdiling Mon 16-May-16 21:09:59

In your shoes I'd be more pissed off at the 'friend' for passing this daft bit of gossip on. She didn't even hear it herself! What on earth did she tell you about it for?

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Mon 16-May-16 21:10:14

YABU, no one knows your reasons and they are irrelevant. Children should not be running around bars, to other people it would look like you let her run riot so what do you expect. I hate it when parents let their children do this.

steff13 Mon 16-May-16 21:11:18

When you say you were "digging" about X, you mean you were being nosy?

This is all 2nd (or 3rd) hand information. I wouldn't say anything, and if really bothers you, vote with your feet.

RatherBeRiding Mon 16-May-16 21:12:03

Extremely unreasonable. You have no evidence whatsoever that these people said what they claimed they said. Bar Manager would deny it (if he could even remember the alleged conversation in the first place) and you would look like a crazy woman.

No employer in their right mind is going to take a blind bit of notice of someone who claims that someone told them that someone else had heard Bar Manager say "blah blah blah".

And by your admission you do let your DD run around the place.

Definitely let it go.

longdiling Mon 16-May-16 21:13:14

It all just sounds so 'gossipy' and the problem is when you engage in gossip about other people you can bet that it will be your turn at some point and people will gossip about you too.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Mon 16-May-16 21:13:14

Honestly I mean this genuinely but being a parent and being annoyed by rampaging children are separate issues.

Floggingmolly Mon 16-May-16 21:15:53

Yabu to repeatedly bring your 3 year old to a pub and let her "have a little run around". Ffs!

MaisieDotes Mon 16-May-16 21:16:09

I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like she hasn't a clue about DC.

Tell us more about the "really weird woman".

< intrigued >

Gabilan Mon 16-May-16 21:16:41

If I've read this right you didn't hear what she said directly. There could be all sorts of shit stirring going on. I'd leave it alone. I bet if you were able to sleep, you wouldn't mind half so much.

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 16-May-16 21:19:05


EscobarsMule Mon 16-May-16 21:20:18

I think saying something would add to your troubles, not help you. Are there no other eateries you can frequent?

TrinityForce Mon 16-May-16 21:23:29

you're taking it too personally

people whine about kids running about, it's very annoying when it's not your kids.

take a step back, it's not that bad.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards Mon 16-May-16 21:25:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards Mon 16-May-16 21:27:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EarthboundMisfit Mon 16-May-16 21:32:01

I'd leave it. I have three children and find kids running round irritating as anything.

fastdaytears Mon 16-May-16 21:32:34

On what basis would you complain? People who work in bars gossip. I'm sure they don't all but it's hardly like this is a medical profession who you got undressed for and then told your neighbour about some terrible infection. Your kid misbehaved in a public place and people commented. Even if the boss believed you (and given it's all 3rd hand I wouldn't) what will they do?

CocktailQueen Mon 16-May-16 21:33:01

Sorry, but family friendly does not mean it's ok for your dd to run around in a pub! Annoying for other customers and for staff.

Doesn't matter what you've got going on in your life, it's inappropriate.

Try the park or soft play.

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