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To leave 6 month old ebf bottle refuser for the night?

(166 Posts)
1northernfairy Mon 16-May-16 17:08:05

Just for one night, to preserve my sanity.

She cries all the while and I have not had more that 3 consecutive hours sleep since she was born. And that is very rare, generally she sleeps only chunks of 30-50 mins night and day. And is Velcro'd to me for the whole night.

When she doesn't get what she wants immediately, normally boob, she goes bananas. I feel as if something has to give. I cannot carry on.

Grandparents would happily have her for the night but would have to put up with the screaming. She could probably be spoon fed milk. I don't want a few hours, I'm desperate for a night although I may lay awake worrying and feeling guilty.
AIBU?

superking Mon 16-May-16 17:12:04

I think after six months, for one night, it's ok. You have to put yourself first sometimes. But if you think you would just lie awake worrying then there's no point!

SpudTato Mon 16-May-16 17:14:21

Not at all. The only thing that has saved my sanity is that my EBF 4 month old will take a bottle (under protest) from his dad. You have a plan for feeding so try it! (Also LO will in no way take a bottle from me, so maybe get the grandparents to try a bottle with cup/spoon as back up)

poocatcherchampion Mon 16-May-16 17:14:28

I wouldn't. My 6.5 mo would be very sad he loves milk not me

It is really hard though and I don't have another suggestion of equivalent joy.

Diddlydokey Mon 16-May-16 17:15:47

Yanbu. Make it 3 & she'll probably start sleeping through.

Have you got a dp that can give you time out at other times?

allowlsthinkalot Mon 16-May-16 17:40:28

I wouldn't. I've been in your position and it's hellish but I think it would be cruel.

What you could do instead is ask husband or another relative / friend to get up with baby in the morning and just bring her to you for feeds, letting you catch up on sleep once a week or so.

pearlylum Mon 16-May-16 17:48:44

I wouldn't.

Not fair on the baby or the grandparents.

FutureGadgetsLab Mon 16-May-16 17:52:23

It isn't cruel. hmm it is perfectly fair on the baby, the baby will have food offered. It's unfair on OP to have no sleep!

YANBU OP, I would have done it before now if I were you! Mine wasn't EBF but by 6 months had had many nights of others looking after him.

pearlylum Mon 16-May-16 17:56:57

I have breastfed for a total of 7 years in my life. Many years without an unbroken night.
We can exist with broken sleep as long as we get enough sleep in a 24 hour period.
When my tiny son was born he fed hourly day and night for months.
I would get my 8-9 hours sleep fine.

Oysterbabe Mon 16-May-16 17:57:36

But how will she be fed?

FutureGadgetsLab Mon 16-May-16 17:59:04

I personally can't exist on broken sleep. OP sounds like she either can't or doesn't want to. Why should she? There's a perfectly acceptable option available here to give her a break.

And congrats, but if my baby had fed hourly I would have been pulling my hair out.

FutureGadgetsLab Mon 16-May-16 18:00:17

Technically they don't need to eat overnight, particularly if they've doubled their birthweight and are older than 4 months. By 6 months, while the baby may be upset, she won't starve.

LouSavage Mon 16-May-16 18:11:50

My daughter is exactly the same at nearly 11 months. I couldn't leave her personally as I would just worry about her and I feel it would be cruel. That's only my personal feelings on it, you have to do what feels right for you. They may not need to eat at night but my daughter needs the comfort so I wont deny her that.
I do sympathise, the sleep deprivation is shit and my three year old is awake all day so there's none of this "sleep when baby sleeps" crap people go on about.

Absofrigginlootly Mon 16-May-16 18:11:51

I wouldn't either. I understand your desperation (believe me I do! Just look up my old threads!) But imo going from all night feeding/cuddling to being abandoned (in your babies eyes) is cruel. There are gentler methods you can try first. I think cry-it-out (which it would be if you weren't there) will affect your babies bond to you, even if only in subtle ways.
I know other people will hotly contest that but based on the reading I have done and studying psychology attachment theories/developmental neuroscience etc in my degree that is my opinion.

Firstly, why do you think she's waking up? Is she uncomfortable? Have you ruled out reflux/allergies/digestive intolerance??
It may just be that she's a crap sleeper though.

She might be going through the 4 month sleep regression (my DDs lasted ages 4-6 months!).

I implemented the following technique at aged 15 months and now DD sleeps 8.30-6. She did cry. A lot. And was very affected by the changes for about a month (she's very sensitive) but eventually 'forgave' me. But she was a lot older and ready for it.

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

If your baby 'needs' that level of comfort and reassurance from you it might be worth looking at Dr Sears high needs baby (Google) which has some useful suggestions.

Good luck

hownottofuckup Mon 16-May-16 18:18:20

I wouldn't have with my 1st but if my 4th baby was like that and someone was willing I'd bite their hand off I think.
At 6 months is she weened? So she can have supper etc. I doubt she'll starve. And it's not like she'll be abandoned, she'll be being cared for by someone that loves her.

I really think, if you need a break you should have one. It's part of being a good parent IMO. A well rested happy parent is good for a child. Go for it.

hownottofuckup Mon 16-May-16 18:21:57

Watch out for the engorged leaky boobs though! They might sting a bit by the morning shock

FutureGadgetsLab Mon 16-May-16 18:23:04

A well rested parent is a good parent.

A sleep deprived mummy martyr is not. Your child won't love you more because you never took 10 minutes rest and ran yourself into the ground, and taking a night off will not harm them either.

I'm a bit tougher than a lot of others I know. Funnily enough in the one who still manages to get stuff done despite being a single mum!

Girliefriendlikesflowers Mon 16-May-16 18:24:11

Yes I think that sounds like a brilliant idea - do it!

I would personally be looking to reduce the night feeds at around 6 months anyway as I need my sleep and by 6 months they can start going a bit longer as long as getting enough feeds during the day imo.

d270r0 Mon 16-May-16 18:25:17

No I wouldn't either.

Firstly if she is having regular feedings from you throughout the night then you will get very hard, enlarged boobs with all the mik she would normally drink. Not only will you be very uncomfortable, this will affect your milk supply. You could pump through the night but then you will still not be getting a good nights sleep and it wil only make you feel guilty.

Secondly your baby will be hungry, spoon feeding may stand a chance in the day when they are happy but in the night when she is sleepy, hungry and missing her comforter (your boob) there is little likelihood of her feeding this way.

Once she can/will drink from a bottle, or stops nightfeeding then yes you can do this. It will happen but not yet. Wait it out.

Andbabymakesthree Mon 16-May-16 18:26:45

The sleep deprivation wall is a complete rollercoaster.
At times I could quite happily gave abandoned my family with the lure of a good night sleep.

I don't think a night off right now is the thing to do.
I'd look at setting some boundaries in your breastfeeding journey. Offer food before milk. Eekk out the going bananas when she wants milk with distractions. Offer a sippy cup of water. When messing about on boob put them away.

Look up no cry sleep solution too.

Absofrigginlootly Mon 16-May-16 18:26:50

future you can't know that it won't harm them.... All babies are different and have different temperaments. It categorically would have affected my DD at that age. It would have broken her trust in me. I have seen it in lots of little ways (like when MIL used to literally snatch her out of my arms and walk off with her stupid bitch

Absofrigginlootly Mon 16-May-16 18:29:38

Argh posted too soon!!!

Anyway in those situations DD was always off with me afterwards. Wouldn't make eye contact, would push me away and her sleep that night would be terrible! Waking up constantly for reassurance.)

I want to know I've met my babies emotional needs as well as her physical ones. That doesn't make me a mummy martyr.

Absofrigginlootly Mon 16-May-16 18:31:43

OP if your baby cries all the time and only sleeps 30-50 minutes at a time I would make sure silent reflux has been ruled out first

Oysterbabe Mon 16-May-16 18:31:54

I agree with d270r0. You need to get her to take a bottle or reduce her night feeds first. Regularly feeding all night to nothing would be too hard on her. OK so she wouldn't starve but I generally aim a bit higher than that with my DD's care.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Mon 16-May-16 18:35:26

I left my bottle refusing 6 month old for the day to go a wedding. My parents looked after him and he ate solids and drank water but not the expressed milk I'd left. He went about 10 hours without milk and my boobs were were bursting and uncomfortable. I did wake him to feed when I got back. So I don't think you'd get that good a nights sleep anyway.

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