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To not want DS to go away with Ex?

(10 Posts)
CaptainRodgers Sun 15-May-16 22:45:41

My ex has just told me he plans to take 3yo DS away in the summer. The plan is for them to go to Barcelona with ex's new partner and ex's 5 brothers.

I have no problem with ex, his partner or his family (in theory) and he is a really good dad and is heavily involved with DS - 50/50.

The reason I have concerns is that ex and his family are very much 'lads'. They drink a lot, like fighting and are involved in some questionable things, but have always kept DS well away from this. However, while on holiday I think it is going to be more difficult and tbh It is not really a child friendly holiday as they plan on sightseeing during the day and will probably be drinking at night.

DS doesn't know about it, but I know if he finds out he will want to go. Part of me thinks he will love it and I know they will fuss him but then part of me thinks it just isn't suitable.

I told ex I was not keen and he isn't happy about it. I have had his eldest brother message me as I type this asking 'to discuss it'

AIBU to not want DS to go?

Fishface77 Sun 15-May-16 22:51:07

Tell his oldest brother you are discussing it. With your ex.
Yabu unless he's given you a reason to doubt him in the past.

Fishface77 Sun 15-May-16 22:51:53

But I understand your concerns.

Arfarfanarf Sun 15-May-16 22:53:36

You say he's a really good dad. What makes you think he won't be a good and responsible father on holiday?
Have you told him exactly why youre not keen? Could you talk to him about specific concerns? See what he says?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 15-May-16 22:54:02

Well you can be unhappy about it

But what does it change?

Pinkheart5915 Sun 15-May-16 22:54:15

Unless you have a solid reason to doubt his ability to look after ds, which I assume you don't as he has 50/50 custody.
He is his Dad, let him go. He will make good lasting memories with his dad and uncles.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 15-May-16 22:58:54

Have you discussed it calmly with ex?
Does he want a 3 yr old on a lads' holiday? What about bedtime? Is he going to curtail his evenings to accommodate one tired little boy?

Ignore his bro's texts or tell him this is a discussion for ds' parents.

Kungfupandaworksout16 Mon 16-May-16 15:51:59

Text back to the brother " and what would you like to discuss? Global warming? The brexit vote? Period pains? "
Tbf if he as a father has never gave you a reason to doubt anything he does with your child don't deny your son a holiday. Speak to your ex and just simply ask each day you have x amount of phone calls from your son and maybe a FaceTime or Skype aswell

TornUpPaper Mon 16-May-16 17:16:22

It's really really hot in Barcelona in the summer, if they are sight seeing all day then a 3yo is going to be knackered early. A 3yo on what sound like could be a lads drinking holiday seems like an odd choice.

CaptainRodgers Mon 16-May-16 18:43:16

Thanks all. I guess aibu and will let DS go. I have spoken to ex about it today and it does just sound like a lads holiday both a 3yo hmm. His argument is that his younger brothers are going (15 and 16) so there won't be 'that much drinking'. I know there will be as it has never stopped them before. BUT I do trust ex not to get wasted in front of DS.

To the poster that asked about sleeping, I think they just plan on putting him in his buggy when he falls asleep. Luckily he is a really easy sleeper and will fall asleep anywhere.

At the end of the day ex is his dad, and will look after him, so if he is difficult because he is tired etc then it will be ex's problem!

In terms of his brother, he is always getting involved. Ex is 19 (I'm 21) and his brother has always fussed over him the most (even though he is not the youngest sib) and likes to stick his nose in. I have just ignored him.

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