To ask how to make new 'couple friends?'(14 Posts)
DP and I are both in our late 20's/ early 30's.
In the past 3 years, my four best friends and their respective partners have all moved to other areas of the country. We still see them twice a year but everyone has different work schedules and people, like my DP work shifts which include alternate weekends so it's really difficult to organise meet ups.
DP isn't originally from here, he moved here for work 5 years ago and we met 4.5 years ago!! Because of this, DP hasn't ever really made an effort to make any friends up here aside from work colleagues as he's always just relied upon/ hung out with my friendship circle and their husbands/boyfriends etc.
Another close friend has just split up from her long term partner and they were one of the remaining couples that we socialise with regularly.
Because of all of the above, more and more am I just going out without DP, with my girl friends who are single, out for drinks etc and have to leave DP behind which is fine as neither of us are live in each other's pockets type and both enjoy our own time with different people alone.
However, this weekend in all honesty, I've been a bit bored. Last weekend DP and I had a quiet one because the couple of weekends before that were manic and pretty social. But this weekend has also turned into a 'quiet one' with just DP and I. We took the dogs out for the day yesterday and both went off and did our own hobby related activities today, but I can't help but feel it would've been nice to maybe spend an evening socialising with other people either Friday night or last night.
I guess this is my very long winded way of saying, is there a way to make new 'couple' friends? Or I guess even new friends, the trouble with that is, I don't mind hanging out with a bunch of guys and if DP made a few, single guy friends up here I would think we could all hang out together and it would be fine, but I have quite a few single girl friends and DP really isn't keen on hanging out with a bunch of women all evening.
Don't get me wrong, I love DP and enjoy spending time with him alone, but now that a lot of my friends have moved away, I think our socialising is going to diminish rapidly so it would be good to meet new people!
We've found it really hard as moved a bit and have small kids which makes socialising hard. Following...
Can't really help but i feel exactly the same. Our situations differ though as I haven't really got many single friends either. When I got pregnant with DS everyone in my circle of friends dumped me. And I've never really made any new friends since.
What hobbies do you each (or both) have?
Generally speaking, if you just randomly invite someone you know - say work colleagues - round for a meal, then it's a bit unusual and could be quite awkward, but if there are people you've met through a shared interest, it's then much easier to say "Does anyone fancy going out for a curry next Saturday?" or whatever, and you'll know, at the very least, you have a shared interest in whatever it is you met at.
It's really hard. We live in the town in which I work and I have a large group of really close work friends and socialise with them for non work related stuff regularly. DH has met them all and likes them. They're a mixed group so there is 'man talk' when we socialise. I also have a close group of friends from my home town who are now spread all over the place and we meet up once every couple of months just as girls. DH likes all the girls but is a bit 'hmmm' on some of their boyfriends/husbands so we don't do as much coupley stuff with that group.
However, DH's job is such that he only works in the same place for 6-12 months and so he doesn't have work friends really. He also gets paid travel, lodging and a company car and I'm a civil servant which is why we live convenient for my job. I think he has about 10 friends he sees more than 3 times a year. If that were me I'd be horrified but he honestly doesn't mind. I do feel bad sometimes for having so many social things on and he does come along sometimes, but mostly he seems happy with his lot.
His hobby is pretty solitary to be fair.
I've met loads of friends through mine, some of whom we have socialised before as a couple with their respective partners, it's dwindled a bit though over the past 6 months, mainly due to people's busy lives which is fair enough and last time we all went out, it was just us girls and no partners.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be gong out 'couples socialising' every weekend, just once or twice a month would be nice. Not a stealth boast I promise but last year we were fortunate enough to buy a house which has plenty of room and would be ideal for dinner parties or just parties as we have the space for people to stay over, but as of yet, apart from a couple of times, we haven't really used it. Just seems a waste and neither of us are in a rush to have kids any time soon!
Well don't do what I did
Chatting to a couple at the pub shortly after we moved in. After what we thought was a lovely chat in the beer garden overheard her say to her dh outside the loo 'they're probably swingers' (she was tipsy)
She then saw I overheard (was walking to the loo) and she dragged her dh out the pub rather than explain
He waved at my dh forlornly through the window
My dh waved back bemusedly
We didn't go in the local pub again
I reckon I'm only meant to have about 4 friends
It's ridiculously hard to make friends once you're past about 25. Most of the friendships I've made in my 30s have just 'happened' ,every time I've tried to consciously make friends I've probably come across as needy and it's backfired. So I don't try now, if it happens it happens. Most of the time I'll make friends with the woman and if my partner / her partner happen to click they'll kind of make friends by default.
Sorry probably not the answer you wanted.
why must they be "couple" friends? You could be missing out on lots of nice people if you see it like that. Lots of people want a social life separate from a partner. And lots of nice people are single
Do people advertise supper clubs in your area? They are currently quite a thing round here where someone advertises a menu in Facebook and have 6 random people round to eat it - it might be a fun way to spend an evening and also good for meeting people - you could host one even? We have made couple friends by being minutely involved in local politics and we also took tennis lessons and made friend through that.
we stole some! well, sort of.
they are friends of another couple who we are friends with and we met through them. we got on with them well and have gradually spent more and more time with them. we see the new friends on their own as much, and probably more, than we see them with our mutual friends. this could also be because me and dh have a child now, as do the new friends, so we have had maternity leave at the same time, but the mutual friends haven't had kids yet.
Have a baby!
Or less drastically the supper club idea sounds really fun.
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