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To wonder if children need a parent of the same sex?

(17 Posts)
callherwillow Sun 15-May-16 10:12:55

Firstly, apologies for my very clumsy title.

My mum died when I was very young. Strangely I have just been reading a thread on children's books of all places, about that classic smile Are You There God, It's Me Margaret and I remember enjoying it very much but being confused because sanitary belts were outdated when I was starting my periods in the 90s and I had no mum to talk to me about the book or what was happening as my body changed.

In some ways I still feel a bit like I have missed out on becoming and being a woman. It's very difficult to articulate how, but I definitely felt different to school friends.

I'm ending my relationship. I'm really unhappy in it and I want out. However, I'm 35 at the end of this month and I am worried, seriously worried, I won't meet anybody in time to have a baby with and I just can't not be a mum.

Donor insemination is something I'm considering seriously but - what if I have a boy? Will he feel the same about learning to be a man as I did as a young girl confused and unsupported?

Or AIBU to think this?

acasualobserver Sun 15-May-16 10:18:22

Lots of children manage, indeed thrive without a parent of the same sex. It's not an automatic deficit. If you feel a possible future son will lack male influences then you'll have to do your best to find him some.

callherwillow Sun 15-May-16 10:31:57

Well yes, but how grin

fourcorneredcircle Sun 15-May-16 10:32:47

I remember having exactly the same thoughts about sanitary belts in Judy Blume's book! Likewise, I didn't have a mother to discuss it with. Having said that, I'm not sure if have felt comfortable discussing it with anyone anyway, I was fiercely independent bloody minded and would rather have be left in my own ignorance!

My father raised me admirably, he, an army officer so in theory über macho and very not in touch with his feminine side, navigated periods, the pill and my first (disastrous) forays in to makeup cautiously but kindly. It can work, I promise.

My further evidence is that I teach all sorts of children, with all sorts of family combinations. The only ones that struggle are the ones where the adults don't communicate well, or don't ask for support when they need it. You'll be fine. smile

fourcorneredcircle Sun 15-May-16 10:33:20

bloody minded cross out fail!!!

callherwillow Sun 15-May-16 10:35:25

That last paragraph is VERY true, and reassuring, thank you four smile

Rebecca2014 Sun 15-May-16 10:38:54

The ideal would be two loving parents but can children thrive under one loving, supportive parent regardless of gender? Of course they can.

acasualobserver Sun 15-May-16 10:39:29

Well yes, but how

Male relatives? Male friends? A godfather?

callherwillow Sun 15-May-16 10:40:16

I don't really have any of the above, acasual

acasualobserver Sun 15-May-16 10:42:29

O.K. you're right, it's too difficult.

BillSykesDog Sun 15-May-16 10:43:22

I don't think having a partner around at the time of conception is a particular guarantee that they will be around growing up either, particularly as you say your current relationship is unhappy.

As an earlier poster said, involved Grandads or Uncles can be just as good.

callherwillow Sun 15-May-16 10:43:54

Erm, okay hmm

The point is that the child would be raised with just me, and while I have no doubts the child would be very loved and well cared for, I also understand this may be problematic later down the line, particularly in adolescence.

callherwillow Sun 15-May-16 10:45:00

That's very true Bill, but I suppose I, not necessarily comparing myself to other families and wondering if my set up is better than/the same as but just wondering if what I have is enough. I have no living male relatives to act as a role model.

KittyKrap Sun 15-May-16 10:48:12

You're over worrying!
My DM didn't teach me how to be a woman, periods were something that 'Margaret Thatcher and the Queen had' end of discussion. My school friends taught me how to use makeup and dress fashionably. I brought up boys on my own when I left XH, they're mature and talkative and have total respect for women. Their football skills are pretty crap but I did teach them how to kill zombies on the PSX grin

Fourormore Sun 15-May-16 10:49:37

I think male role models are important for boys but they can be found in all sorts of places - teachers, sports coaches, boys brigade/beavers leaders etc, fathers of school friends etc.

callherwillow Sun 15-May-16 10:49:43

Ah now computers and gaming is a WHOLE other world, I think if I have boys, I'd definitely rather play footy smile

YumBountyChoc Sun 15-May-16 11:50:32

My dad wasn't much of a role model to me and my brother as he admitted when we got to teenagers he never wanted to be a dad, he lived with us until we were in our early 20s and we both turned out ok - university educated, ok careers, polite well adjusted.

We had male teachers, a male scout leader, a friend of my mums from work who was male, and an amazing granddad to look up too it. Non of these men lived with us, we just spent regular amounts of time with them. I'm sure it'll be fine if you do go it alone.

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