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Is this rude or my fault?

(36 Posts)
Wanderingwondering Sun 15-May-16 02:31:07

Dd's party yesterday. I sent out invitations a while ago including one to a girl who's mum I don't know very well-only to say hi to at school gate.

This mum replied to the invitation by text saying that her daughter would love to come.

Stupidly, I didn't reply to the message.

Said girl didn't turn up yesterday which was a shame as there were only a few invited so it stood out. The other girls asked where she was and dd said she must have got lost on the way sad

I know I probably should have replied to her message with a 'great, see you then' but the message must have come through when I was distracted.

Awkwardly we have another party to go to today-what do I say if this mum and girl are there?

badg3r Sun 15-May-16 02:39:41

Hmm not sure really but would err on the side of she was rude. Remember in the olden days we used to have those party invites with a tear off rsvp? You would never have sent something back to confirm they had confirmed. But nowadays a lot of people might expect a confirmation, even if it wasn't necessary. Still, I think since she confirmed and never showed you would be quite right in asking if everything is ok since she didn't show the next time you see her.

Wanderingwondering Sun 15-May-16 02:45:35

Yes those are my thoughts really but I know it wouldn't have taken much for me to fire off a quick reply so feel I should shoulder some responsibility.
I know the girls have talked about the party at school so it isn't as if there was no further mention of it.

paniniswapx3 Sun 15-May-16 08:04:59

I have held many children's parties over the years & very often there would be no shows. It's annoying & disappointing but one of those things. Don't let it bother you.

CloneMeNow Sun 15-May-16 08:06:55

You're assuming that the no-show was a result of you not replying to her RSVP. There's no reason to think that.

sneakyminders Sun 15-May-16 08:09:32

I agree with others, probably nothing to do with you not replying. One thing you learn through being a parent is that people don't act and behave in the way you think is the social norm! Hope your dd had lovely birthday.

Lweji Sun 15-May-16 08:12:27

I'd go and say hi and ask if everything was OK and that DD missed her friend the day before.
Then see what she says.

Giving the benefit of the doubt, they could have lost the invitation, although she'd have your number on her phone, presumably.

CodyKing Sun 15-May-16 08:12:40

I wouldn't expect a confirmation of a reply - because lots of people would be replying.

And I wouldn't not take the kids because a parent hadn't replied to my reply - I wouldn't give it a second thought.

In fact she was rude not to text you a sorry can't make it.

JJbum Sun 15-May-16 08:14:32

The no show probably did have nothing to do your lack of reply.

However, I have recently taken my child to a party for which I didn't reply to my RSVP. I spent the run up a little worried that I had accidentally texted the wrong number and that the mum would see our arrival as being a 'didn't bother to RSVP but turned up anyway'. So generally, I appreciate the courtesy of someone confirming they got my text - even if it's just 1 word days later.

lifesalongsong Sun 15-May-16 08:17:50

Of course you don't need to acknowledge acceptance texts. If the mum is going to not go to parties if that's her rule her daughter's not going to get out much.

RuthyToothy Sun 15-May-16 08:24:39

You're assuming that the no-show was a result of you not replying to her RSVP. There's no reason to think that.

Exactly. Illness, family emergency, forgetfulness. We have a tendency to interpret the actions of others in terms of ourselves, when in reality it's not to do with us at all. Would you not take your daughter to a party she was looking forward to and that all her friends were going to just because the mum didn't reply to your reply? Of course you wouldn't.

Mirandawest Sun 15-May-16 08:26:46

I doubt it was anything to do with you not replying to her RSVP.

RuthyToothy Sun 15-May-16 08:27:41

In fact she was rude not to text you a sorry can't make it

We have no idea what might have happened to preclude attending the party or texting to explain their absence.

diddl Sun 15-May-16 08:35:27

It's not necessary to reply to an RSVP is it?

She may have forgotten & then been too embarrassed to arrive late?

Perhaps the etiquette is different with texts?

Would she be able to tell that you had read it?

228agreenend Sun 15-May-16 08:36:32

You don't have to reply to her text.

She was rude not to inform you that she couldn't make it.

I wouldn't worry over it.

Lweji Sun 15-May-16 08:38:50

Sometimes texts aren't delivered, so I think it's best to acknowledge it arrived, but then you don't know if your confirmation of the confirmation was delivered, so she should confirm again. grin

blinkowl Sun 15-May-16 08:42:29

Maybe she forgot. I've forgotten 3 parties so far (DS is 7)

AskBasil Sun 15-May-16 08:42:46

No it wasn't your fault.

She's rude.

If she'd been concerned that you hadn't received her text, she could have phoned you to just double check.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Sun 15-May-16 08:43:48

If it was a small party, and your dd and her friends were asking where their friend was, why didn't you ring or text the mum when the party started to see if she was coming?

AskBasil Sun 15-May-16 08:44:22

I don't know how it's possible to forget a child's party tbh blinkowl.

Surely your child spends the days before it whipping themself into a frenzy of excitement so that it's just not possible to forget it?

CuntingDMjournos Sun 15-May-16 08:45:00

If she was sitting at home worrying that you hadn't acknowledged her text, and that her DD was going to miss the party I'm pretty sure she would have just texted again.
Something else came up. She maybe didn't bother to tell you because you didn't acknowledge her RSVP, have to say, RSVP texts are almost universally acknowledged and I've been on the party circuit a while. I once didn't have my text acknowledged and I texted again on the day of the party pretending to check the address but actually to check she knew my daughter was coming! I've RSVP'd a party recently and mum hasn't replied, if I see her at school I will just mention the party to check she got it.
But if she wanted her daughter to come on the day and the text was anything to do with it she would have texted again.

Lweji Sun 15-May-16 09:19:37

Surely your child spends the days before it whipping themself into a frenzy of excitement so that it's just not possible to forget it?

Not all...
And there are often too many parties already.

GinnyMcGinFace Sun 15-May-16 09:21:08

Cripes, you have to RSVP to an RSVP nowadays??

TiredOfSleep Sun 15-May-16 09:36:26

If she was expecting a response, she should have text the day before to ask for confirmation. She didn't, it's her lookout.

Wanderingwondering Sun 15-May-16 09:40:21

I felt a bit awkward ringing or texting to see if she was coming as I didn't want to make her feel bad if she had forgotten.
I was really fretting about it last night as you can see from the timing of my post but in the light of day it doesn't seem such an issue.
I'm a bit shocked that people can be so blasé about missing parties though.
I'm hoping she no shows to the party today too so I don't have to say anything!

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