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Would you react to this comment or ignore it?

(23 Posts)
m0therofdragons Sat 14-May-16 19:07:25

A group of us were chatting at work and colleague A asked colleague B if her sister had had her baby yet. "Yes, it's a girl". Colleague A then asked what her sister already had - a girl, so now she has 2 girls. Colleague A instantly said "oh that's a shame."
I couldn't help it, it annoyed me so much. He's a highly educated single 35 year old with no kids if his own but his comment really shocked me.

For context, I have 3dds and regularly get the head tilt shame we didn't have a boy type comment and it always irritates me. I'm so happy with my family and could never imagine having a boy (had no preference when pregnant). I've had 2 mc and dd2 had to be resuscitated at birth with both dd2 and 3 in scbu.

I basically had a go at him saying his comment was incredibly rude and ridiculous to assume everyone dreams of a boy and a girl. He was clearly taken aback but implied I was unreasonable and changed the subject. I probably should have just inwardly rolled my eyes shouldn't I?

Gatehouse77 Sat 14-May-16 19:38:42

You see, I would have been more likely to question him as to why he said that because I'd be genuinely curious. But, on MN that seems to be interpreted as being 'passive aggressive'. I wouldn't feel the need to tell them what's wrong with the statement but rather they question the reasons why for themselves.

I had people questioning me why I was having a third child when I already had a boy and a girl. I replied because their sex was not behind the decision of having children.

thequeenofsandwich Sat 14-May-16 19:42:55

When I had my 2nd son a relative said " oh , you must be so disappointed ". ... Er , no I'm thankful he's alive after a traumatic birth. Anyway , now I have 2 fantastic boys who are best mates for life and a wonderful daughter . I thank my lucky stars. The relative has 3 boys now. I would never be so rude to them as they were to me

FancyMakingMeABrew Sat 14-May-16 19:55:28

I've had people ask if I'm disappointed too at having all boys. I'm not. Someone said am I disappointed st not being able to do hair and buy dresses hmm Is that all that is important about being a mum to a girl? Is that all mums of girls strive to enjoy about their girls? Definitely not!

I'm just happy that I am a mum! When I was younger I thought I wouldn't be able to have children! The comments about how I must be so disappointed just make me very hmm towards the person asking, because to them, having at least one of each is the perfect family. It's not.

BarbarianMum Sat 14-May-16 19:58:13

Very rude, very stupid and totally normal. I doubt any parent with children only of one sex hasn't had some such comment at some point.

Twig45 Sat 14-May-16 20:09:21

You have to just ignore -people are so ignorant as an older mother I was told so many times my third child must be an accident or desperation for a girl ( already had two boys) not actually just I was very lucky to have 3 kids whatever sex I didn't care

Twig45 Sat 14-May-16 20:10:05

I was delighted for a third boy by the way

MsBojangles Sat 14-May-16 20:12:15

I wouldn't have read anything into it, he was just trying to think of something to say and unfortunately ended up sounding a bit dickish. It happens to me all the time blush

TheCrumpettyTree Sat 14-May-16 20:27:31

I have two boys and am fed up of getting asked when I'm going to try for a girl. Fuck off.

ZippyNeedsFeeding Sat 14-May-16 20:39:29

I had this a lot when I was pregnant with my 4th and 5th children (both boys). What stunned me most was that almost without exception the people who said it knew that my only daughter (my 3rd baby) died at birth. At first it didn't bother me, but after a while it did get very upsetting.

The only way I could deal with it was to remind people that I didn't need a matching set, because after all, it's not like you can breed from them.

MOB247 Sat 14-May-16 20:47:39

Very rude! I get that too - 2 boys pg with DC3 and everyone asks - are you trying for a girl??

If I hear this one more time angry! All the Mums I know are happy with beautiful healthy children!

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 14-May-16 20:52:56

I'd have straight out asked "what do you mean?".

VictoriaRoses Sat 14-May-16 20:59:07

I have g/b twins and lots of people say 'well you don't need anymore now' hmm

Truffles04 Sat 14-May-16 21:14:18

How exactly do you "try" for a boy or "try" for a girl?

Sure you try for a baby - who may be male or female depending on which chromosome their father gives them.

Truffles04 Sat 14-May-16 21:15:16

*surely you try for a baby

How it should have read! My laptop doesn't seem to like MN sad Keeps freezing and skipping letters while typing.

TheCrumpettyTree Sat 14-May-16 21:16:37

Yes, if I wanted a third child it would be because I wanted another baby not because I wanted a girl. if I had a third boy should I just keep going?

Pollyputhtekettleon Sat 14-May-16 21:28:22

Some people do have a preference. Doesn't mean they don't adore their baby and forget all about their preference when baby arrives. Also it's nice to experience a boy and a girl on the surface of it but I think most parents realise that each child is far more different and unique than the boy girl difference so it becomes a silly thing once your child arrives. But what I'm saying is that it is something that naturally crosses (some/many?) people's minds when registering the family structure of someone. It's incredibly rude to mention it in relation to a child that has just been born. But I would brush it off as clumsy foot in mouth and wouldn't give it too much thought.

Antoninaisintheroom Sat 14-May-16 21:36:49

How rude! I went through a phase of 'what exactly are you trying to say?' with some of my friends when I had a boy early this year. We already have 2 Dd. Suddenly everyone one was congratulating like it was some kind of achievement. My DH got fed up of being asked if he is happy that he finally has a son. I got fed up of listening to all 'I bet your husband is over the moon' etc. One friend said just one word 'finally' [shocked] , so I asked her when finally she was going to have a girl.
We were happy that everything went well as it was my 3rd CS, and that the baby was healthy, couldn't care less about the gender.

GreenShadow Sat 14-May-16 21:40:01

It's human nature. Many (most?) people instinctively think this but on MN wouldn't dare say it.

We've 3 DSs and no DDs. No one has ever said anything to us but I've no doubt that many family and friends at some point 'felt sorry for us'.

HeteronormativeHaybales Sat 14-May-16 21:49:24

I had a dd after two boys. One comment was 'you can stop now'. WTF?

RaeSkywalker Sat 14-May-16 21:53:20

It's so ridiculous. Comments like that are based On all kinds of ridiculous stereotypes about what boys and girls are like.

I would've probably asked him why he thought it was a shame. People often say this kind of thing without thinking.

FuzzyOwl Sat 14-May-16 21:57:10

These kind of comments really annoy me. Some people genuinely want a boy and a girl combination, just girls, just boys, just one child, or no preference at all. That is all absolutely fine but it does annoy me when they project their wants and stereotypes onto other people.

littlemissfuckingsunshine Sat 14-May-16 22:31:48

I've been told because I have a boy and girl I don't have to have anymore.

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