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baby turns 1 and hubby does not see point in celebrating

(68 Posts)
murphyslaws Sat 14-May-16 09:02:42

My baby girl is one in a month. I want a small family gathering at home birthday cake etc.

Hubby totally against it as he says it's a waste of money and time. He would rather buy her something better. I just want to celebrate it. Not a party just family.

We are skint so it would be literally cake, sausage rolls and a few pickies . We have put aside a bit of money for present.

AIBU on this or does he have a point.

topcat2014 Sat 14-May-16 09:04:18

It's a bit joyless though - why not ask people to bring stuff.
Children only get more expensive from hereon.

NicknameUsed Sat 14-May-16 09:06:13

He is being a miserable old boot.

We just had a small family gathering when DD was one. How is having some close family members around for a few sandwiches and a slice of cake a waste of money? That's all we did and it hardly cost anything at all.

I don't get the big village hall parties for a one year old because the baby doesn't get anything out of it.

Fwaffy Sat 14-May-16 09:09:20

YANBU! It's lovely to mark the occasion. It's the end of (hopefully) a wonderful, challenging year and you've all survived it!

Okay, she won't remember it, but she'd be disappointed to discover you didn't bother acknowledging it all all in future years.

And you're not exactly going mad on it. We had a small family gathering just like that- immediate family, few nibbles and I made a cake. DD had no idea what was doing on but she had a ball being fussed over.

Added to that it meant a lot to me to be able to raise a glass to my and DH's first year as parents.

murphyslaws Sat 14-May-16 09:10:52

See that's what I think. We survived the first year. And so did she grin

I just think it would lovly to celebrate

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Sat 14-May-16 09:11:30

My DH was a bit like that, although in the other way. He was happy to have people round (close family) but didn't understand why I wanted to buy a present as they wont remember it anyway.
I had to agree, to an extent, but I fought my corner and had both - a small inexpensive party and a decent gift.

Unlike an older DCs birthday, the first isn't all about the DC, it's about you too so you should be able to celebrate even if dc won't remember it

BrownAjah Sat 14-May-16 09:17:52

Our eldest 2 never received birthday/Xmas gifts from us until they were about 2 or 3. The youngest has been different but only because it was expected from the older kids! We do, however, have a large family who all spoiled them rotten and we always ended up holding a party just to keep the influx of visitors to one day. Maybe put it to him that way - as for family benefit rather than yours?

EponasWildDaughter Sat 14-May-16 09:18:29

I don't think you're being unreasonable. We did exactly that for DDs 1st a couple of years ago. 6 or 7 people round for a bit of cake and a sing song at candle time smile

However i can see how if he's worried about money he's just being a bit of a kill joy at the mo. Is he generally more laid back? Will he come round if you show him how cheaply you can do this?

I tend towards not too much fuss. Coming from a small quiet family i found my XHs family's tendency to due huge piss ups parties for every little bloody thing birthday a bit OTT and was a bit defensive and awkward about not wanting to do that. DHs family are into the whole hiring out a hall at the drop of a hat thing, but i'm older now and able to deal with it all a bit better.

<last paragraph not relevant to OP, sorry>

mrsmugoo Sat 14-May-16 09:20:55

My DH and I both agreed we couldn't see the point in any sort of family/friends gathering when our DS turned 1.

The 3 of us went to the zoo instead to mark the occasion. We actually did the same for 2nd birthday!

We might consider a little 'do for his 3rd.

mrsnec Sat 14-May-16 09:22:26

My parents took us away for the weekend. My mil wanted to host a gathering like you suggested. I wanted a bbq.

In the end we went away and came back early so mil could do a birthday tea. My dh was like yours and stayed at home for the birthday tea bit.

I felt like it was an occasion that should be marked but not in an ott way. I also felt other people took over so will probably put my foot down when ds turns one. Your idea is perfect.

We did buy presents but she had her big present before and just some clothes on the day.

murphyslaws Sat 14-May-16 09:22:35

See we don't celebrate our birthdays. Just do a card, maybe a nice take away.

But it's her 1st. And I just want to make a fuss. He is very laid back. I'm going to keep pestering.

murphyslaws Sat 14-May-16 09:25:39

See present he is all over. Looking at garden swings slide sets. Or sit on car. (Might be second hand) but I don't mind that. Get more for your money ( sorry I drifted), but I just want a cake and her to be centre of attention , it's her 1st birthday she will be a whole year old. I know that sounds silly but I can't help it.

Oysterbabe Sat 14-May-16 09:26:02

Miserable old goat.
A little family gathering would be lovely.

Seeyounearertime Sat 14-May-16 09:26:16

It doesnt even sound like you want to make a fuss, it sounds like you want people to come and see baby, hardly an expensive bash with balloons and bouncy castle and a live band down in your local working mens club is it?

I can see the point of not doing big things for little babies, it is a waste of money, but having a few nibbles and family around is hardly extravagant.

tell him balls, invite who you like and get a nice cake. you dont need his permission, you are an adult.

NicknameUsed Sat 14-May-16 09:28:37

"and get a nice cake."

Baking your own would be even cheaper. I just made an ordinary sponge cake.

murphyslaws Sat 14-May-16 09:32:27

tell him balls, invite who you like and get a nice cake. you dont need his permission, you are an adult.*^

I'm thinking of texting his sister and getting her to say they are coming up that Saturday for her birthday, that might nudge him....

I would bake a cake but I'm a shit cook. And I have an image in my mind of a pretty cake with a candle .

MadameJosephine Sat 14-May-16 09:32:33


I thought you were going to say he didn't see the point in splashing out on a big party which I would agree with for a first birthday but a small family gathering is appropriate surely? It would be odd to let the day go unmarked and I think my parents in particular would have been upset not to have an opportunity to celebrate their grandchildren's birthdays

When DS turned 1 we had a family barbecue and for DD immediate family and a couple of close friends met up at my mums house for tea and cake, it was lovely

TroysMammy Sat 14-May-16 09:33:59

Miserable so and so. Your little girl will only have one 1st Birthday. A cake and a few photos is fine, something you and she can look back on in years to come. Happy 1st Birthday little one.

WhatTheActualFugg Sat 14-May-16 09:38:53

What a miserable old toad he is.

I don't see why you need to "pester" him about it.

Never mind trying to get him to agree. Just invite your family! Bake a cake. Put the kettle on. Buy some balloons and and cheap plastic bunting. It will be lovely.

To bake a cake costs -

icing sugar
= £4.25

Balloons £1
Bunting £1.50

And there you go! A party for the grand sum of £6.75.

Backingvocals Sat 14-May-16 09:41:33

Of course you celebrate your child's first birthday. No they won't remember it but that's not the point. It's a celebration for the family. And when she's older you show her the photos of the cake you made even if it's not very good and of mum and dad and all the grandmas and grandpas smiling at her. It's another way of showing her she's loved even if it goes right over her head right now.

Home made cake and some sausage rolls and maybe a glass of wine is just right.

TheDowagerCuntess Sat 14-May-16 09:43:26

'Buy her something better'?

The memories the two of you will have, of marking her first year, will be far more special than a slightly more expensive birthday present that she won't even notice.

It's a no-brainier.

Coconutty Sat 14-May-16 09:43:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovewineandchocs Sat 14-May-16 09:44:16

Please don't miss out on celebrating your baby's first year, it is a lovely and joyful thing to celebrate-marking yours and DHs achievement of surviving parenthood for a year as well as your baby turning 1. It doesn't have to cost loads, a few nibbles, a cake and drinks. Could you get her something small for the day and a bigger present later when you've saved up for it? We got our DD a swing set for her first birthday last May and didn't get a chance to actually put it up for ages after. She won't know! 😀 also people can bring nibbles, wine or whatever to the party. For both my DS and DD I felt that the celebration and everyone being together-making memories-was more important than a big present.

TheDowagerCuntess Sat 14-May-16 09:45:06

No-brainer, even!


liletsthepink Sat 14-May-16 09:49:05

It's a special occasion that you want to celebrate in a low key way. YADNBU.

This isn't just about you - sorry to sound morbid, but your DDs grandparents might not be around until she is an adult. It's important that this milestone is marked because you can't guarantee that everyone will still be alive at the next one. My lovely dad died quite young and I'm so glad that we have photos of him with his grandchildren on their birthdays.

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