WIBU to put some expensive items on the wedding gift list

[coralpig]

I'm bracing myself for the responses.
We are compiling our wedding gift list. We have been a couple for a long time but will be setting up home together properly once we marry so no house things really apart from the remnants of student things and whatever we old things we have nabbed from our parents.

I've made sure to add lots of items at the £5-£20 mark but I would really like to add a few more items that are considerably more expensive so £100-£150. Is this unreasonable and does it look bratty?

Our wording on invitations says: we would love to have you at our wedding, no gift is necessary. We are accepting charitable donations to insert charity name here that support orphans in our native countries. If you would like to purchase a gift we have a list with insert store name here the gift list number is.... Thank you for your generosity."

Is this unreasonable and does it look grabby? I know lots of people hate lists on invitations. We are a young couple on v low income and don't have lots of money - we have friends of family from lots of different backgrounds if that is at all relevant.

[RockMeMomma]

Why don't you write a quirky poem asking for money instead?

[almostthirty]

We put a few really expensive items on the list with a note saying any money or gift vouchers given would go towards these gifts as it happens the people who my dh works with to clubbed together with the company to buy us something big. Also several other people joined together with smaller amounts to buy us big things.

[ThinkPinkStink]

A few expensive gifts is perfectly fair, there'll often be a granny or parent who wants to splash out. I've seen people make a small joke of it by adding one ridiculous gift (a walnut (wood) £6,000 rowing machine) which raised a smile.

On our list (60 guests, largely middle income family / friends with average spending power) we had about 70% items under £50 (ranging from £6 upwards), then 30% items between £50 and £200.

Congratulations your forthcoming nuptials!!

[Only1scoop]

I'd ask for vouchers rather than listing larger amount items.

[PurpleDaisies]

We had some larger items on ours. As long as there's a range I think it's fine. A group of friends clubbed together to buy a food processed.

[camelfinger]

Sounds fine to me. I'd assume that groups of people might club together. If I've left the present buying too late, and all that's left on the list is boring towels, baking tests and expensive things then I'd just buy vouchers. It's nice to see what your vouchers would go towards I suppose.

[camelfinger]

Baking trays.

[TitusAndromedon]

I felt strongly that it was inappropriate to have any reference to gifts on our wedding invitations. Traditionally, information regarding a gift list should be spread by the bride and groom's close family. However, that wasn't possible for us. Instead, we had a website through which guests could RSVP, and we included information about our gift list there, which worked very well.

I think the price range depends on your guests. We were also setting up a home and had some close family members who wanted to purchase more expensive gifts for us, so it was appropriate to have items like that on our list. If your guests are mostly in a similar financial position to you and your fiancé, however, it probably doesn't make sense to include expensive items. In the end, quite a lot people just gave us cash or John Lewis vouchers, which was great.

[MeAndTheMajor]

Putting expensive things on wedding lists is pretty normal in my experience. My groups of friends from school and uni have often clubbed together to buy expensive items.

There is a lot of angst about wedding lists on mumsnet but I've only been to one wedding (and I've been to a lot!) that hasn't had a list or asked for honeymoon contributions.

[Ilovewillow]

It sounds fine and the wording sounded very respectful. We ha a good mixture on our list as we had lived together for 10 yr so had a lot already.

[lapcat]

We put a few more expensive items on the list (as well as many under £20 and most under £60), fully not expecting to be bought them. DH's work clubbed together to get on and a very wealthy friend of my mum's bought another and we were very grateful for their generosity. The most popular presents were in the £40-60 range.

Using particular items often reminds me of the people who bought them and makes me smile.

[chinam]

Sounds fine to me. I much prefer to get the couple a gift they will actually use rather than trying to guess what they'd like.

[PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls]

YANBU and in the real world, most guest prefer a gift list or cash. It saves a lot of hassle. I'm going buy a gift either way and I'm happy not to trek to the shops and agonise other whether they'd like it or not. However, on here, you will probably be called grabby and entitled.

[BikeRunSki]

Our cheapest thing was a wooden spoon (50p) and our most expensive was a down duvet (£150). Lots of stuff, mostly crockery and sheets around £10-£30. We very fairly young (24, 29) when we got married, and genuinely only had a few studenty bits (met as postgrads).

[BackforGood]

Of course YANBU - as others have said, sometimes people who know each other club together to get you something more expensive. Sometimes people will get you a voucher to go towards a more expensive item.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

It is absolutely not done to send a wedding list or reference it in the wedding invitation. As Titus says, the way to do it is invite, then people call your parents and they say, "oh, no need for gifts" guests say, "oh but we must" your parents say, "well if you must, coralpig likes x charity and they do have a list at y place". It's utterly ridiculous but works!

[OutToGetYou]

Doesn't work if you're in your forties and not in contact with your parents. Also wouldn't work if your parents were dead.

Stupid old-fashioned rubbish all stemming from the patriarchal view that the father owns the daughter until the husband does.

People like to give gifts and they like to give gifts they know people want. It irritated me recently to have to rsvp to a wedding invitation and ask for details of the wedding list. Just include it in the invitation. It's hardly a surprise that people buy gifts is it.

[BackforGood]

I agree with out - of course you can send information about a list out with the invitation. You put some comment about not requiring any gifts, but add, that if anyone does want to, then this is how you see the list (website or link to a particular shop or whatever). You know people will want to get you something, so it's ridiculous to pretend otherwise.

[amazingtracy]

I make make it a point to spend a piece of utter shyte if handed a wedding summons gift list. I prefer to choose 'off list'.

[BackforGood]

Why amazingtracy ?
Surely if you are buying someone a gift, the point is, it ought to be something they want / need / like, rather than something that someone else thinks they ought to have / like /want ?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Doesn't work if you're in your forties and not in contact with your parents. Also wouldn't work if your parents were dead. But since the OP mentions parents, I'm fairly sure they have, you know, parents.

[Mrstumbletap]

I think it's a great idea. I love picking stuff off a wedding list as you know the couple will like it, I don't think it's grabby, I think it's strange when people would rather get you something they like, then you feel awkward having to pretend you like the big shiny gold and green candle holders......

We had a real range on our list from £10-£100 some people bought us vouchers for the shop so we could buy stuff from debenhams ourselves, stuff that was more expensive. Some close family will want to spend more than £20/40 so give them options for higher priced items, also sometimes friends want to all chip in to get a big item, so nice to give them the choice.

I still love looking at a particular, vase/photo frame knowing its from the wedding. I love a gift list!!

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

I have never ever been to a wedding with a wedding list or a money poem. Nothing is ever mentioned and everyone tends to give cash as gift anyway. Well we always do.

I just don't see the need for it tbh.

[MeMySonAndl]

It is ok. We asked for no gifts as we were sharing a home already but most people are not comfortable with not sending a gift, and other people really wanted to give something expensive to mark the event: we got a set of 4 wine glasses worth £400 and a cutlery set with £800 (I only know the price because we tried to get extra glasses and replace a scratched spatula and we almost flopped when we saw the price!)

[triathlon]

I don't like "Thank you for your generosity" as it assumes someone will give a gift or donation. Save the thank yous for after the event. "No gift is necessary" is superfluous - it's the default that the polite couple are not expecting gifts and don't mention them until asked.

Have a standard email ready so you can send it to anyone who asks. I suggest something like:

"Thank you for asking about wedding gifts. We would be delighted with donations to Charity Name who support orphans in our native countries. Alternatively we have a list at Store Name, list number 12345."