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Aibu with dp?

(91 Posts)
Nelly1990 Fri 13-May-16 14:44:42

This is my first post so go easy please. Me and dp have routine of I do the dishes while she washes up but the last few days she has left the dishes until I do them aibu to think she should do them as I do everything else?

positivity123 Fri 13-May-16 14:47:09

Aren't they the same thing?

AdrenalineFudge Fri 13-May-16 14:47:23

What do you mean by "I do the dishes"? To me doing the dishes means washing up too? confused

But in anycase household tasks should always even up in one way or another. One person shouldn't feel put upon to do them because the other will not.

steff13 Fri 13-May-16 14:57:38

I, too, think of doing dishes and washing up as the same thing.

However, per your OP, you do the dishes and she washes up. So why wouldn't she leave the dishes for you to do?

Oysterbabe Fri 13-May-16 15:00:49

I don't get it.

MyNewBearTotoro Fri 13-May-16 15:01:26

I can only assume writing 'I do the dishes' was a mistake/ lapse in concentration and you meant to write 'I do the cleaning' or 'I do the cooking' whilst she does the washing up.

If this is the case and you are doing your share of the housework (eg: cooking/ cleaning) but she's no longer doing her YANBU.

Any reason why she isn't doing the dishes anymore? Why are you stepping in and doing then - what would happen if you left them?

Nelly1990 Fri 13-May-16 15:01:44

Sorry I meant I do the cooking.

Nelly1990 Fri 13-May-16 15:12:04

Mynewbear if I didn't do the dishes they would sit for a few days and with a family of 9 they will get to much.

BackforGood Fri 13-May-16 15:13:03

In any partnership you need a fair distribution of who does what, which might, or might not always involve one person doing specific jobs.
So, why do you do the dishes if it is currently her job? confused

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 13-May-16 15:18:02

Try talking to her. Why is she leaving them?

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 13-May-16 15:22:02

Have you spoken with each other about it? Have you asked why she's left them for you to do? If not, you really do have to talk.

A family of 9? Are we talking you, DP and seven children? What ages? Is she SAHM to seven, or are the children older and you both work outside the home? (I'm trying to guess your and her workloads.)

WonderMomma Fri 13-May-16 15:26:10

Wow, 9? I'd have thought by now you'd have a routine, even with the 4 of us (2 adults and 2 children) we have a clockwork routine and both of us do jobs and pick up where the other left off without mentioning it

Nelly1990 Fri 13-May-16 15:41:44

Whereyouleftit we are both sahm's at the moment and the DC range from 10 months old to 7 years old.

MyKingdomForBrie Fri 13-May-16 15:53:02

Well yes, if you have agreed set chores and you are doing yours while she does not do hers then she is being unreasonable.

Maybe offer to swap chores if she's bored of washing up?

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 13-May-16 15:55:00

That is a lot of work! Well, equal time off from everything would be fair. But with 7 kids I doubt there is any time off.

Have you asked why she's stopped doing the dishes?

Nelly1990 Fri 13-May-16 15:59:03

I have asked her and she just says she's too tired to do them but I'm tired as well as 1dd isn't sleeping too well at the moment so I am up late with her every night.

AdrenalineFudge Fri 13-May-16 16:04:10

You have 7 children? Is this correct?

Nelly1990 Fri 13-May-16 16:06:56

Yeah we have 7 children

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 13-May-16 16:08:54

How do you think the balance is?

Nelly1990 Fri 13-May-16 16:16:23

I don't think the balance is good as she does the school and nursery run and the dishes while I do everything else.

AdrenalineFudge Fri 13-May-16 16:20:59

What does she tend to say when you broach the subject with her?

AdrenalineFudge Fri 13-May-16 16:22:29

x-post, not your above response in which you said she says she's too tired. But when you respond saying you are equally tired especially so as you're often up with one of your dds.

Nelly1990 Fri 13-May-16 16:26:24

She just says that she's equally tired but she is the one in bed about 10 whereas I'm up until about 1. It's getting really bad that it is affecting my mental health.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 13-May-16 16:26:40

And now she doesn't even do the dishes. Yep, totally unreasonable.

So you do all the cooking, cleaning, late nights and she just does the school run?

Nelly1990 Fri 13-May-16 16:32:24

Yeah that sounds about right Mrsterrypratchett

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