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Please help me find the words to explain why this pisses me off, or tell me if IABU (medical)

(52 Posts)
OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Fri 13-May-16 11:49:56

DP's blood systolic pressure hovers around 135-140mmHg. I'm an academic in health field and I know that this is bordering on or close to high, and have let him know this in context of potential lifestyle changes (social smoker, drinker, big meat eater etc.) or at least just something to be aware of. He's late 30s so worth knowing, right?

He was visiting his DM in hospital recently and member of staff was taking her BP and he asked staff member what the threshold is because I've told him 140.

She told him her chart says 180. He laughed and said 'oh I'll tell gf that!' (I wasn't there, this is what he told me). I think he was pleased as he doesn't want to give up bacon sandwiches wink

Now, I don't know if that was a bespoke threshold for that patient or something, it must be, but I do know that for a normal adult, consistent BP of 140+ is classed as high and needs looking at.

When he told me this story, I said that might be the threshold set for your DM but for you, it's wrong. He just said 'OK' in a patronising 'let's agree to disagree as the nurse must be right' tone.

Aibu to be a bit miffed about this? Suppose I'm being a bit precious but it's not the first time my knowledge has been questioned by him.

I told him and his DSs that it was light saber not saver and they didn't believe me. Asked a 4 yo boy later and only when he confirmed did they believe me. Similar story with Bond - MI5 or 6? Had to google to prove I was right in the end (6, if you're wondering smile).

Do I have a real issue with needing to be right, or am I right (ha!) in feeling a bit annoyed at these sorts of things if they keep happening?

For the record, I'm not an argumentative person (used to be but have mellowed with age/DCs) I'm open minded and more than happy to have discussions and figure out the facts, but why does he keep questioning me and assuming I'm wrong to the point that I feel the need to prove I'm right?

The fact that this happened in front of his DM is also annoying. They often ask me for help deciphering medical info, and I feel this undermines me a bit.

I know, I know, IABU. But grrrrrr envy

WhoseBadgerIsThis Fri 13-May-16 11:56:48

Tell him the NHS and Blood Pressure UK side with you smile

www.nhs.uk/conditions/blood-pressure-(high)/pages/introduction.aspx

www.bloodpressureuk.org/BloodPressureandyou/Thebasics/Bloodpressurechart

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Fri 13-May-16 11:58:17

Hahaha whose grin* I* actually sent that chart over to him! But even by doing that, I think 'am I being precious?' envy

positivity123 Fri 13-May-16 12:01:50

I'm a bit like this. I let some stuff slide but when I know I'm right about other stuff I bet a tenner on it. My DH used to be a bit patronising but when money is involved he seems to back down

DoreenLethal Fri 13-May-16 12:04:05

'Ok love you may not agree with me, but just sign this life insurance policy for me when you have a minute, there's a dear.'

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Fri 13-May-16 12:04:20

Positivity I think this is why this one has really got my back up. This is my field! I measured BP about 10 times a day doing my PhD! envy

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Fri 13-May-16 12:04:46

X post. Doreen grin

WhoseBadgerIsThis Fri 13-May-16 12:04:59

If it was one thing, and something he's more expert in than you, I'd let it go. Given that it's a pattern, I'd be going for Positivity's tenner approach smile

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Fri 13-May-16 12:05:34

My DP is ace. I wouldn't be with him if he wasn't. But this does wind me up. Is it a lack of respect thing?

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Fri 13-May-16 12:06:31

Yes. Tenner. Or household job. Good plan grin

ivykaty44 Fri 13-May-16 12:08:31

He wants to continue with his life style of smoking, drinking and over eating red meat. Sadly there isn't any point in saying anything

furryleopard Fri 13-May-16 12:11:33

He thought it was light saver??!

Deliaskis Fri 13-May-16 12:12:27

Like the 'bet a tenner' approach. It will focus the mind! DH used to do this to me a bit many years ago, until I had a conversation with him, along the lines of 'I never ever argue a factual point that I do not know to be 100% correct, because to me it's not worth the risk of looking stupid, so if I'm insisting on something, it's worth listening to me, so that you don't (look stupid)'. Never happened since, and he frequently backs me up with other people as well.

Obvs this doesn't apply to opinion based arguments e.g. politics, or right from wrong, or the best plan for the garden this summer, or the which cheese is nicest, or whatever, we discuss those very amicably!

Do you think he could be a little bit sexist, like - you can't possibly know more about light sabers, bond, or the healthiness of bacon sandwiches than him because you are a woman?

happyhearts7 Fri 13-May-16 12:17:15

I always thought it was light saver too until my DSs corrected me blush

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Fri 13-May-16 12:26:03

Well the 'nurse' was female so not sure this bit is sexist, but doubtless the light saber/bond questions were. He believes a 4yo boy when he didn't believe me.

Btw I put nurse in commas because I have to assume she was an assistant. Surely a qualified nurse would know the right number.

He probably thinks me arguing the point on the BP is a sign of jealousy that he was chatting to the nurse person. I don't have a problem with that, he's a chatty guy!

I do have a problem with being told I'm wrong on something I'm highly qualified to be right in! envygrin

redexpat Fri 13-May-16 12:28:55

DH does this to me too. He was mansplaining a change in social policy. I'm training as a SW, we had gone over the reform that day in class. I showed him the legal text and he backed down. Since then every time he starts I ask him do I tell you how to be an electrician? No, so what makes you think you can tell me how to do my job.

Yes it shows a lack of respect.

NeverEverAnythingEver Fri 13-May-16 12:29:59

"I do have a problem with being told I'm wrong on something I'm highly qualified to be right in!"

I so agree with you. Pisses me off no end.

MedSchoolRat Fri 13-May-16 12:31:33

I'm an academic in a health field, and a bit amused that OP has forgotten that the major hurdles with patients are getting them to

A) Accept the diagnosis
B) Accept that the recommended actions are appropriate for the diagnosis

So yeah, he's being a bit of a prat towards you, but no more so than 95% of all other patients who don't comply or adhere with HCP advice.

Betting a Tenner sounds good!!

I thought it was light saver!! <misses point of thread>

ProfFJLewis Fri 13-May-16 12:40:21

Well, the NICE guidelines reiterate the initial 140 cutoff for hypertension and advise that a systolic BP of 180 is the threshold for SEVERE hypertension (ie. you are very unwell!)

NICE guidelines for hypertension

Maybe you could find a four-year-old boy to confirm this for your DP wink. Or maybe he could just trust that you know what you are talking about!!

JapaneseSlipper Fri 13-May-16 12:41:44

Yep this would bug me too!

I'm going to try to explain this (have never been able to put it into words before so will probably fail). There is a way of talking to someone when you know you are right, that sort of shuts down the conversation. I'm still trying to master it but sometimes manage it. My default is to be a bit like a kid, when I had an older brother who was Right About Everything.

Example - me: "No, you're wrong! It's X!"
Other person: "Pretty sure it's Y."
Me: "no, because blah blah blah... and this, and that, and LISTEN TO ME I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT"
Other person: infuriating smile "sure, whatever you say."
Me: "aaarrrrrgggghhh"

Whereas I am TRYING to be more like this!

me: "actually, it's X."
Other person: "Pretty sure it's Y."
Me: infuriating smile "Nope, it's X. Absolutely sure of it. Would you like another biscuit?"

Basically, I state my position with confidence and sureness, then move swiftly on before they get a chance to interject. Or, make my statements very short, and don't elaborate. Use a tone that suggests "this isn't a discussion, it's a statement of fact." Then YOU get to be the annoying smug one!

littlemonkey5 Fri 13-May-16 12:46:49

It must be a manly thing. Men hate being told they are wrong. Just think of the reason they don't ask for directions - they don't want to admit their weakness of being lost!!

I like the 'bet' idea - in my house though, it would be a case of, if you win, you keep your pride - if I win, I'm off to see my friend for the week and good luck with 5 children (and good luck breastfeeding) lol

NeverEverAnythingEver Fri 13-May-16 12:48:19

Or you can do it the rumour-mills way: tell somebody who is more willing to believe and who is also in the Target's circle. Eventually Target will come to hear of it and believe it, because anecdote is always more believable than actual fact. hmm

Pros: You get to see a social experiment working.

Cons: It takes bloody ages. No instant gratification.

TheCuriousOwl Fri 13-May-16 12:49:41

I had an almighty row about this the other day.

People talking to me as if I'm stupid and have done no research into something, when I know for a fact I'm right. This particular person does it more than he thinks he does and it makes me SO angry, that I couldn't possibly be intelligent enough not to be taken for a ride angry

I too only argue a point when I know it to be 100% correct!!

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