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Telling ex he can't see DD until he sorts his act out.

(7 Posts)
NameChange53 Fri 13-May-16 10:50:28

We broke up 3 years ago and after a brief few months where he stayed in the same city he then moved far up North. He rarely visits, last year he only saw her about 3 times for a few hours.

On top of this he left behind loads of debt so I've had the threat of debt collectors at my door because certain things were also in my name (even though I never saw a penny of it). Every time I ask him about missing children support or the debts he will come out with an excuse that's he's lost his new job (this has happened about 5 times since he's left), that he almost died so can't (Again, this has been used a lot, different reasons every time). He never even Skype's my daughter to say hello as apparently everywhere he's lived up North has no internet...

It's coming up to her 4th birthday now and she's obviously much more aware of things. I don't think that these 3 times a year, arranged at the very last minute are enough. All she knows of him is that she has a dad that barely sees her but just buys her loads of things when he does (yet won't pay for anything she needs). He got in touch lately saying he wants to see her but that he's sleeping rough because he's now homeless. I told him I don't feel comfortable with him taking her if that's the case and I wont have him here until he can commit to a routine of how often he can see her as the current amount will do her no good. I got a lot of messages back where he said that she's the only good thing in his life, the only reason he's not killed himself and how much he loves her but this all just feels like manipulative bullcrap seeing as he barely saw her when he lived in the same city and would spend his money on weed and games instead if child support.

What would you do in this situation, am I being a cold bitch?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Fri 13-May-16 11:04:52

No you're not being a cold bitch, you're being a responsible parent, and he's trying to emotionally manipulate you to deflect away from the fact that he's been a bit crap.

UmbongoUnchained Fri 13-May-16 11:06:42

Just be prepared for him not seeing her at all. I said the same to my ex, sort your fucking life out before you come anywhere near our daughter and he now hasn't seen her for a year!

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Fri 13-May-16 11:07:48

Oh, and I actually think you're being generous giving him another chance. If he loves his daughter so much then surely he'd jump at the chance for consistent, regular contact. If he doesn't agree to it then it's his loss.

FutureGadgetsLab Fri 13-May-16 11:08:38

I had a similar situation and he doesn't see DS. Be prepared for him to vanish.

NameChange53 Fri 13-May-16 11:33:16

It's at the point where I feel like she'd be better off not having him around at all. Surely that's better than her growing up with someone like that around. I don't know...
I'm fully prepared for him to disappear though, I do imagine that will be the outcome.

Unicow Fri 13-May-16 11:42:01

I think it's more harmful to have an unreliable parent who constantly lets you down than an absent one.

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