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To ask for your help?

(12 Posts)
LiveLaughLoveDrinkGin Fri 13-May-16 09:26:56

Hi there, long time lurker, first post. I know IANBU but I also know there are plenty of woman on aibu who can help me.
I have a ds, my first, 14mo. I love him to bits he's my world. I also have a dp, he's fantastic, great dad, works hard for us etc etc. I was in maternity leave until January 16 then left my job as I was unable to get shifts that would fit in with childcare etc. Dh works two jobs. He says he is happy to at the moment, he did this even before we were ttc. I appreciate this greatly. Just trying to paint a picture of my life.
Anyway, I have huge anxiety and stress. I worry about everything. I snap at dp and get annoyed at ds if I get stressed. I hate myself for it. I worry about ds, I worry about money, I have lay in bed crying worrying about bills etc. I constantly have a sharp pain in my chest which I imagine is related to the stress.
I have always been an anxious person and it has got far worse since I had ds.
Some days I don't want to get out of bed. I feel so lousy and I know I am a crap mum on those days. I feed and dress ds and cuddle him but I know I am not doing my best.
I also have really bad OCD. I check things umpteen times a day. It takes me so long to do anything because I spend so long checking everything. Drawers, cupboards, the fridge, everything! It wares me down and drives Dp crazy.
Dp has begged me to go to the Drs, but I am so scared they will declare me unfit to keep ds and take him, or tell Dp he has to take ds away from me.
I have shouted at ds when he was screaming and I am tired. But then I started crying and just kept hugging him I felt so bad. When I feel stressed I put him in his cot and walk away, I know this is the best thing to do. But I hate feeling like this. I am exhausted. I hate feeling anxious every single fucking day. I want to feel normal again. Can anyone tell me how to make this better. I just want to be a good mummy again. sad

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 13-May-16 09:32:34

Oh OP, I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time of it at the moment!

The GP absolutely will not think you are unfit to look after your son, they will just want to support you. I really would urge you to go and chat to them and see about getting some help with your anxiety, you really don't need to feel like this my lovely, they can help you feel yourself again.

As for the shouting, we have all been there! DD2 is really trying my patience at the moment and like you, if it gets too much I just walk away and take a moment to calm myself before going back to her.

ALL parents get wound up at times, children are hard work and know exactly how to push our buttons, but you are handling it the right way, and it will get easier!

Please make an appointment, you won't regret it flowers

LiveLaughLoveDrinkGin Fri 13-May-16 09:39:16

Thank you whatthe, I feel so guilty because ds is such an easy baby, I think anyway, he eats well he sleeps well, my Dp has two older dc and he says that compared to his first ds, our ds is a far easier going baby so I don't know why I find it all so hard. I hated my job so I definately don't miss it. I just feel like I don't cope as well as other mums I know.
Ds has not been well for a few weeks though, he's had sickness and diarrhoea Which the dr had said is related to teething and will clear up soon, but it's exhausting. Every day we have to change all his bedding etc and that just makes me more stressed.
I did go to the Drs but I lost my bottle and told her I was there for a different reason. I just could t get the words out.
I love my ds so much I would be devastated if they decided to get SS involved or anything because sometimes I struggle.

FlyingElbows Fri 13-May-16 09:46:34

Phone the gp now, make an appointment and when you go show her what you've written here. Nobody is going to take your baby away. You are not a bad mum. You need some help and your gp can give it to you. I promise you it's OK to tell your gp how you're feeling. You are far from the only mum who is struggling. flowers

hairypaws Fri 13-May-16 09:51:27

Please, please, please go to your GP. I can absolutely guarantee you will not be seen as an unfit mum. If anything you should be proud for taking control of your life by sorting out your health. Put yourself first for just a moment and see the doctor. If you don't things will get worse, trust me I know from experience. You will be so relieved once you open up.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 13-May-16 09:52:57

Flying is right, you are definitely not the only one! I'm so stressed about having DC3 when DD2 us so challenging that I am crying a lot and not sleeping or eating properly.

Like you, I need some help with this and plan on calling my doctor today to make an appointment.

Showing the GP this thread is a great idea, and you might find that talking about how your feeling with someone impartial might actually feel like a relief!

You can do it OP, we'll hold your hand flowers

Sassypants82 Fri 13-May-16 10:33:20

Help, support, guidance & understanding.
That is what you'll get from your GP.
There is no question that your DS would be taken away from you or SS would get involved. You're not well & visiting the gp is the first step to getting better & back to yourself. Sounds like you're an amazing Mum, to recognise you need help. Take That step. Your DS is lucky to have you, and I wish you all the best. Xx

Sassypants82 Fri 13-May-16 10:34:36

What, same goes for you, we're here for you. Parenting is so hard. You're both doing an amazing job. X

LiveLaughLoveDrinkGin Fri 13-May-16 12:32:31

Thank you for all the kind responses, makes me feel better to know that other people have felt this way x

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 13-May-16 16:53:05

How are you doing OP? Were you able to make an appointment with your GP?

LiveLaughLoveDrinkGin Fri 13-May-16 20:52:21

No, the next appointment they have is in 3 weeks time (my GP surgery is a nightmare!) but we are in the process of switching Drs after a carry on trying to get ds seen recently.
Feeling a bit more positive tonight, ds is just about to go to bed and I am gonna watch my soaps with a glass of vino!

LiveLaughLoveDrinkGin Sat 14-May-16 18:46:35

Ds just walked up to me and gave me a massive hug and his attempt at a kiss. He rarely does this he is not a very "huggy" baby, never has been. So that cheered me up.

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