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to think this is a bit shit of my friends?

(93 Posts)
brushyourtongue Thu 12-May-16 21:43:50

I've got a small group of friends I've known for many years.

We've always met up during the year, and additionally on each of our birthdays (which are spread out through the year).

Anyway, over the last couple of years we've got worse at organising meetups, meaning that we'd end up meeting in say March for friend's birthday which had been in January. So one friend (A) said last year let's make more effort and do 'something' for each birthday (previously we'd just meet for drinks, or at one of our homes). So, we started this last year, and it's gone ok. We've been for tea, theatre etc - plan was that the rest of us would split birthday persons 'day' between us and that would be their present. Sounds good, right?

Until now when it's my birthday.

When asked back in Feb, I'd said I wanted to do an activity. Nothing really 'active' (not GoApe or anything!) but something fun. Would involve some time on your feet, but far from strenuous. At the time everyone said ok. We'd agreed a date this coming weekend when we were all free - 3 months in advance. I'd left it to them to book etc.

A few weeks ago A (who is organising) said that B was 'doubtful' as she had a 'bad leg' hmm. Not quite sure what's wrong with her, A didn't know, but apparently as of today it's still a problem. Although she's not been to her GP and drives 30 mins to work every day so I'm not sure how bad it actually is. She's said she definitely can't do the activity, but why didn't we all go to Zizzis instead? I hate Zizzis

Now other friend C has also bailed as she has to pick a family member up from hospital, she did at least apologise and say let's do something else another time.

B hasn't contacted me directly.

A is pissed off with B and C, as the activity was booked/paid for and isn't refundable - and she's paid for B & C herself (they were going to pay her back on the day).

I'm just fed up that everyone else has had a 'nice' birthday and I haven't. 3 months notice and it's not happened, and now it looks like no-one is going to rearrange anything either!

evelynj Thu 12-May-16 21:50:38

Go with A & take D & E in place of B & C.

Don't stress about it. If someone is unable to do the activity, a guilt trip won't help. It's too ambitious to do effort-I think you should just meet occasionally for a meal & don't put pressure on yourselves or disappointment & resentment will set in.

Happy birthday anyway

wolfwhistleme Thu 12-May-16 21:58:42

I'd go anyway with A, bollocks to the others! What was the activity anyway or is it still a surprise? Have fun!

brushyourtongue Thu 12-May-16 22:00:54

Unfortunately our 'group' is just us 4. I do have other friends, but they're unlikely to be free at 36 hours notice.

I'm fed up something planned 3 months ago has been cancelled at the last minute, after everyone else has had their nice birthday treat, except me!

wolfwhistleme Thu 12-May-16 22:06:17

But it doesn't have to be cancelled does it? Seems a bit wasteful if its non refundable to just not go because 2 of your party can't make it...go anyway, or try to get other people involved, 36 hrs is enough time to get organised, (obv depending what it is of course.)

Birdsgottafly Thu 12-May-16 22:08:20

If C really does have to pick someone up from Hospital, then that can't be helped, or planned for, three months in advance, neither can something physical.

It's a shame, but I think that just the two of you need to go and then meet up with the others, at another time.

They're not snubbing you, they're suggesting alternatives.

brushyourtongue Thu 12-May-16 22:11:01

Most of my other friends have children (these 3 don't) so wouldn't be able to drop everything at a weekend. I'll ask tomorrow but it doesn't seem likely.

A and I can't go alone as I can't get to the venue, neither of us have cars but A lives much closer and was going to bike there (it's not on a public transport route).

BubsAndMoo Thu 12-May-16 22:11:59

Honestly, you and A do sound quite unreasonable. Three months notice doesn't help with injuries or family members in hospital. It's understandable to be disappointed, but not to be pissed off at your friends. I'm sure they'd prefer not to be injured/not have their relation in hospital.

SeasonalVag Thu 12-May-16 22:12:30

I can't see that anybody's done anything wrong, it's bad timing/luck, nothing more.

leelu66 Thu 12-May-16 22:13:47

YANBU for feeling hard done by.

B and C should pay A for the event. Have they?

Please don't make A feel bad though, it's not her fault. Can the two of you do the activity?

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive Thu 12-May-16 22:15:21

Take a taxi? As the activity is none refundable it would be a waste not to go.

brushyourtongue Thu 12-May-16 22:15:48

B's not bothered telling me she can't go, and she's suggested going for a meal (a shit alternative) at a place I hate.

C's not really given a specific alternative, and is only free for 1-2 weekends every couple of months, so I'm not holding my breath.

IonaNE Thu 12-May-16 22:18:51

How old are you all? Why was an activity booked at an off-the-beaten-track place when two of the 4 attendees don't drive/have a car? (And, btw, can the members of the group not just get together for a meal/chat, and then everyone could do "on the feet" activities when and wherever they like, with whomever they like?

GarlicShake Thu 12-May-16 22:21:00

I think they're both being shitty for not paying. B is possibly being an arse. C can't help it. You're totally not U for feeling upset & disappointed, though!

The other two really should cough up anyway, if non-refundable, and you & A should do something very fun. Either the planned event or something else.

Please do see whether you can fill the gaps. And have a good birthday cake wine

Dvallin Thu 12-May-16 22:21:12

Perhaps B and C are growing out of the whole birthday thing.

It sounds as though it was dying a death until A insisted on making more of a fuss.

It sounds exhausting really, especially if the others have other commitments (as they surely do, even if they don't have children).

rollonthesummer Thu 12-May-16 22:22:49

Did the two who have dropped out not want to be taxi drivers for you to a remote place? Did they not like the activity?

IsItMeOr Thu 12-May-16 22:22:50

Could B still drive you to the activity, and perhaps the three of you go for a meal afterwards?

Unless B has form, I think it is highly unlikely that she's purposely suggested a restaurant you hate.

brushyourtongue Thu 12-May-16 22:23:05

A taxi would be about £40 which I can't really afford.

There are other family members who possibly could collect from hospital (it's a routine op, nothing serious).

I think B's excuse is BS. Who has a bad leg for over a month and does nothing about it? She's 40 not 80.

NotTheSpiceOfLife Thu 12-May-16 22:24:40

What's the activity?

IsItMeOr Thu 12-May-16 22:25:49

Are you all 40 then? I am surprised at this level of drama about a 40 year olds birthday.

Why don't you give B a call and you know, talk about it?

shiveringhiccup Thu 12-May-16 22:26:15

Go with A anyway and have a think if there's anyone else who might like to join you two. B and C should reimburse A (but that's really between the three of them).

Maybe it's time for you all to review your plan of meeting up. Sounds like meeting for birthdays has just become too difficult. Maybe just plan to meet every few months and put the dates in your diaries at the beginning of each year or something.

It sounds like just one of those things but I'd be a bit miffed too.

Happy birthday! cake

Dvallin Thu 12-May-16 22:26:52

Yeah, totally beginning to see why they wouldn't want to pay, and play taxi for, an activity of your choosing out in the sticks.

You sound just lovely hmm

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 12-May-16 22:27:34

I'm 40ish - the thought of doing an "activity" fills me with horror! "Activities" are for children, maybe you're friends feel more like me!

TendonQueen Thu 12-May-16 22:28:02

It can be the case that a non-refundable activity can still be moved - they keep your money but allow you to rebook for a different date. Can you check if that's possible? Customer services might allow it for goodwill even if it's not usual. Then you could go with the original group later.

brushyourtongue Thu 12-May-16 22:29:14

The place isn't that off the beaten track. It's about 4-5 miles from where A lives, just not on a public transport route, but she was intending to bike there. It's about 12 miles from me. This was the closest place we could find. C has to pass my house so was giving me a lift. B lives in a different direction to all of us so would have made her own way.

I don't enjoy going for meals, hence why I was quite pleased when we started doing something different.

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