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to ignore STBXH's religious beliefs

(150 Posts)
MrsDeathOfRats Thu 12-May-16 21:39:02

Firstly, sorry about the number of threads I'm starting right now but I am so conflicted on many levels right now!

So, STBXH is Muslim. We have so far raised the kids as such. BUT he really only eats halal and observes Ramadan.
I am filing for divorce and once it is done I see no reason to keep feeding the kids halal food.

So, in the 6 years I have know him He has NEVER attended a mosque.
He used to smoke.
We lived together and were pregnant prior to religious marriage ceremony.

I am not Muslim and I will be the resident parent.

WIBU to stop feeding them exclusively halal meat once we are divorced?

So as not to drip feed: I am prepared to continue not feeding them pork.
This is going to cause major issues and any hope of an amicable post marriage relationship will disappear.
(If I ever tell him. But if he ever asks I won't lie)

NeedACleverNN Thu 12-May-16 21:41:14

Yanbu.

You can feed them what you like and your edh can feed them what he likes

Fourormore Thu 12-May-16 21:41:32

What has your divorce got to do with your children's diet? Presumably you agreed together that your children would be raised this way? Is feeding them halal a problem?

MrsLeighHalfpenny Thu 12-May-16 21:41:57

How old are DCs? Perhaps you could ask them what they'd like!e to eat?

Dvallin Thu 12-May-16 21:44:30

When you say you are raising the children as Muslim, are theyore observant than their father?

Will they be distressed if they feel unable to comply with religious edicts in their own home?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 12-May-16 21:44:41

feed them what you want.

OrlandaFuriosa Thu 12-May-16 21:46:04

What did you agree and how old are they? And be aware that much supermarket meat is halal anyway. Why not just check which are and shop there?

MrsDeathOfRats Thu 12-May-16 21:47:07

DC are 4 & 21 months.

We agreed as we were married and therefore I was purchasing and cooking halal anyway due to H. But now I won't have to.

Halal meat is more expensive here and it limits where we can and what my kids can eat when we are out/at others houses etc.

By raising as Muslim... They were 'born' Muslim completely due to h being Muslim. But he has done exactly zero religious education with them. Anytime Dd has asked questions about halal meat etc he just says something like 'because that's what I eat' or finds a way round it as he says they are too young to have it explained to them.

I said from day one that I would not do their religious education and it was his responsibility as I can't teach something I don't believe in, it would be hypocritical

Fourormore Thu 12-May-16 21:48:24

I don't think I would do it. Having an amicable co-parenting relationship is so valuable.

DramaInPyjamas Thu 12-May-16 21:48:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou Thu 12-May-16 21:50:58

This is going to cause major issues and any hope of an amicable post marriage relationship will disappear

Your only real concern should be what it best for the children. And what is best for them is having parents that both put them first and ideally communicate amicably. If something as stupid as what type of pork they eat could wreck that, is it really worth it?

MrsDeathOfRats Thu 12-May-16 21:54:53

Only really from an ease and financial point of view.

Halal meat is more expensive, and not always readily available.

I am conflicted because I know it will make things even worse between us once we split.
I am genuinely unsure if this is reasonable or not

SnoozeButtonAbuser Thu 12-May-16 21:56:01

Yanbu. Feed your kids according to your own religious and cultural beliefs (or lack of them) while they're with you, he'll presumably do the same when he's with them. It's part of having two homes, things are done a bit differently in each but as long as they're loved and looked after at both they'll be fine.

Fourormore Thu 12-May-16 21:58:14

So it will make one bit of your life easier and another bit significantly harder. I've been co-parenting for 10 years now and sometimes I've had to do things I haven't particularly wanted to to keep the peace. I don't do it for my ex, I do it for the children. I couldn't knowingly do something that would ruin the (generally) amicable relationship I have with their dad over something so minor.

Limer Thu 12-May-16 21:58:28

YANBU.

Just do it.

Asuitablemum Thu 12-May-16 21:58:43

For peace maybe buy mostly halal in the house. But I wouldn't go as far as only going to certain restaurants/avoided parties and bbq's. But yanbu and I would ever have fed my kids halal only!

ghostyslovesheep Thu 12-May-16 21:59:16

I think you can feed them what you would like to in your home until they are old enough to ask otherwise but you need to be mindful of their background, of the fact they have been raised Muslim and may choose to BE Muslim later on in life - be respectful - explain your reasoning and leave their options open

He's their dad so he's an important part of their life

ghostyslovesheep Thu 12-May-16 22:01:03

and yes to this

I've been co-parenting for 10 years now and sometimes I've had to do things I haven't particularly wanted to to keep the peace. I don't do it for my ex, I do it for the children. I couldn't knowingly do something that would ruin the (generally) amicable relationship I have with their dad over something so minor

Ditto for the last 7.5 years

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou Thu 12-May-16 22:03:12

Your kids won't care that your shopping bill is slightly higher. They will care that you and their dad don't speak to each other or fight all the time.
What do you care more about?

WriteforFun1 Thu 12-May-16 22:05:43

no child is "born" into a religion.

if he wants to feed them Halal meat, fine. If he wants to teach them about his religion, fine, they can choose to adopt it when they are older.

Do you have any religion? I am an atheist btw. I just think that religion is something people can only enter with full knowledge when they are older than 4 and 21 months! Really how your husband does or doesn't observe his chosen religion is irrelevant, I'd say the same if he was really strict.

They are children. You can raise them freely with access to information, knowledge and options. Of course I respect his right to give them halal meat but I can't see why you should have to follow that.

cdtaylornats Thu 12-May-16 22:08:31

Or when they are older they might be horrified you fed them meat that was killed in that way. Of course they might be horrified you fed them meat at all.

serin Thu 12-May-16 22:09:53

I personally would never knowlingly buy Halal meat but as you made a commitment to raise the DC this way I think you should stick to it.

PaulAnkaTheDog Thu 12-May-16 22:13:23

I think this is less to do with the children and more to do with you giving your ex the finger. In that respect I'd say yabu.

leelu66 Thu 12-May-16 22:15:33

I agree with PaulAnka.

decisionsdecisions123 Thu 12-May-16 22:16:48

Without wishing to be rude, eating halal meat doesn't make someone Muslim. Do the children do anything else Islamic or have any knowledge of the religion? It sounds as if the dad isn't a practicing Muslim at all and neither are the children, even if they eat halal meat, so basically, no, i see no reason to feed them halal meat if they have no other involvement in the religion. I say this as a Muslim. tell the dad to get his finger out if he wants them to be brought up as Muslims.

I am sure I have read this from you/someone else before.

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